Do you doubt that your mother is toxic because she is manipulative, if so, let us know a few statements or things Narcissistic Mothers Say.
Does living with your mother constantly seem like you are being criticized and your needs are ignored continuously? Are you always expected to be perfect? Are you always expected that you would follow her commands and behave as she pleases?
Sometimes parents; especially mothers, unintentionally become toxic and interfere in your life, more than the required amounts as they wish to protect you from the evil world. But they do not realize that they are making the child’s life even more difficult than the rest of the world. Toxic relationships are where no boundaries are understood, and there is a lack of warmth. There are manifestations of selfishness, egotism, poor communication, and a lack of tenderness and empathy.
What is a Narcissistic Mother?
When you hear the word mother, what picture do you get in mind? You always picture a sweet loving and caring mother, lots of laughter and giggles, lots of warmth, loving and caring, from sharing little secrets to learning to live life. Everything we learn from our parents, especially mothers. You always picture a bond where mothers are compassionate, warm, and tender with their children. But have you ever come across a toxic mother?
Children and mothers have an inseparable bond, as a mother plays a crucial role in a child’s upbringing. Narcissistic parents leave a deep impact on their children, as they lack emotional bonds, their love is conditional, achievements are more important than their child’s efforts, their needs are a top priority than their child’s, no arguments only agreements without knowing the problem, and much more are all part of your childhood when you are being raised by a narcissistic/toxic mother.
So how do you know if you have toxic parents, especially toxic mothers? Let us know some traits of toxic mothers below,
Signs of a toxic Narcissist mother
- Can be rude and often would not understand your point of view.
- Arrogance and anger is their primary reaction to any of the problems whether caused by you or not.
- They often blame you for many things and would consider you the root of all problems.
- She hates changes and cannot handle them well.
- She lacks sensitivity and empathy.
- Narcissistic mothers are emotionally unavailable.
- She is self-centric.
- She is mean when her ways do not work out.
- She is always blaming other family members whenever something goes wrong.
- She is verbally abusive.
- She lacks self-awareness.
- She is never satisfied and always expects more from others.
- She is unable to maintain healthy relations.
- Narcissistic mothers are highly competitive, and they keep on comparing you to others of your age and devalue your achievements.
- She is easily irritated by your smallest of mistakes and has drastic mood changes and shifts.
- She takes advantage of others for her own well-being and also teaches you the same even at the cost of someone else’s major compromises.
- She is unable to take criticism well.
- Most of the time she neglects her responsibilities like house chores, cooking, cleaning, and even her kids.
After getting an introduction to Narcissistic mothers, let us know what things a narcissistic mother would say and why would they say those.
Things Narcissistic Mothers Say – Why They Say Them?
She Gaslights you
Gaslighting is a pattern of abuse or manipulation used by manipulators, abusers, cult leaders, narcissists, or people who wish to always have control over situations and their victims. Gaslighters can change the reality of the situation and they are capable of proving themselves innocent when you blame them for their wrongdoing. Thus gaslighting is a technique that can allow the narcissistic mother to create such an atmosphere where their child would question their own reality and it forces them to doubt their own sanity.
- “Don’t overreact to little things.”
- “Why would I ever say that?”
- “Stop acting all crazy.”
- “Why are you exaggerating the situation?”
- “Don’t make this a bigger deal than it is.”
- “That is not what I mean to say.”
- “Aren’t you a little too sensitive?”
- “You think that I would really say so?”
- “You really think that I would do something like this?”
- “If something like that would have happened, I would have clearly remembered that.”
- “Why are you being so dramatic?”
She criticizes you
Many narcissists have this tendency to criticize the people they love just to make them feel uneasy and dependent. So if you have a narcissistic mother she would criticize you about trivial matters and things that do not even matter. For instance, she would constantly ask you to dress up that suits her status and ignore your comfort zone. If someone appreciates you while she is present, she will soon diminish that compliment and bring the focus to her.
- “I don’t know how other people put up with you?”
- “Have you ever wondered why you do not have friends?”
- “I like your new house, but it would have been better if the interiors were better.”
- “Are you having a bad hair day?”
- “You can do much better.”
- “I think you should get a well-paying and better job.”
- “Let me tell you the truth, none of your friends actually like you.”
- “Couldn’t you find someone better?”
- “I don’t know what is wrong with your choices?”
- “I do not like the new guy that you are dating. Where are your standards?”
- “Are you going to eat that much?”
- “No wonder you are constantly complaining about your weight, look at your plate.”
- “Are your tastebuds really active? You have put so much salt.”
- “Your grades are hitting rock bottom, better start studying.”
She insults you
Having narcissistic parents is like constantly walking on eggshells. They would say things that might hurt you deeply and thus you wish you did not do anything that can upset them. They would insult you to keep you under control. A narcissistic mother can easily destroy your self-worth, so if you do not pave your own way of dealing with her, she will never leave you alone.
Some examples of insulting statements include,
- “I wish you would have never been born.”
- “I have not birthed you to see this, you bringing disgrace to the family.”
- “You would never survive in the real world.”
- “Do not bother getting into a college, just look at your grades.”
- “Can you do anything right for once?”
- “No one will be able to love you.”
- “You are disliked even by your friends and colleagues.”
- “Look at your siblings and their achievements; you better start working as hard as them.”
- “You are being an embarrassment to the whole family.”
- “Can you be a little more mature for your age for once?”
She guilt trips you
Narcissists tend to often guilt trip you for something that you are not but they want you to be. A narcissistic mother would often try to blame you for something that is not your fault. They would often make you believe something even though you are nowhere to be involved.
She may say things like,
- “It is your fault that your father and I got separated.”
- “I am just sick of you because you keep causing trouble.”
- “You are the reason that I often get sick.”
- “I am so lonely because you never visit me.”
- “I would have a surging career if it weren’t for you, and so I stayed home.”
- “You will be sorry when I would not be around anymore.”
- “You were the reason that we lost our house a few years ago.”
- “My house got sealed because you did not help me pay the loan.”
- “You are the reason that I am aging rapidly. You cause me so much stress.”
- “Can you stop making wrong decisions all the time?”
She needs constant praise and attention
Whatever the consequences may be, a narcissist is determined to get all the attention as much as they can. Narcissists know no limits when it comes to gaining attention or being the center of attraction. They want all eyes on them regardless of the situation and the consequences. So when a narcissistic mother feels she is receiving the desired amount of attention, she would say,
- “This prize that you have won is due to our combined efforts. If I had not helped you, you might have lost.”
- “Do not forget all my sacrifices that made you reach here.”
- “If I had not supported you, it would have been impossible for you to achieve so much.”
- “You should be grateful to me that I did not allow you to quit.”
- “A thank you would be better.”
She creates a lot of drama
When you have a narcissist in your family, you have new drama and chaos every day. When you have a narcissistic mother, your days would be dramatic and long, because they would be so manipulative, chaotic, and complaining always.
Some example statements include,
- “I got a new dress, but how brazen and ignorant of you to not even notice it.”
- “You have got no time for me, remember this, as someday your children will do the same with you.”
- “You no longer care for me, I guess I will be left alone and sad.”
- “I guess nobody remembers my birthday anymore. You did not even wish me or get me a gift.”
- “I drove all the way to here, just for nothing? Why are you kicking me out?”
Do Narcissistic Mothers Hate Their Children?
Hate is a strong word, and it is not appropriate to describe a narcissist’s feelings for their children. A narcissist usually would love their kids except for the matters where the narcissist’s grandiose image is put on line or in shame. Narcissists do not hate their kids, but they are definitely biased toward them. If a narcissistic mother has two kids, there would be a constant battle between them to procure their mother’s love, attention, and care. Narcissistic mothers have different parenting methods than traditional one which involves love, care, and tenderness along with strictness.
A mother’s love is unconditional and infinite. But with a narcissistic mother, their love becomes conditional and transactional. When you follow her footsteps and do according to per wish, they will be happy and provide you with all the attention that you would want as a child; but this starts fading away as soon as you do not follow as she says, do not have achievements as she wishes and do something to hurt their image than their love starts depreciating.
Thus their relationship can be transactional, as long as you provide her with what she desires, you would receive her love, care, and ideal parenting, but as soon as you disappoint you might have to face some consequences like her rage and embarrassment in you.
In such cases, children of such narcissistic mothers would lack confidence, would be constantly feared, have low self-esteem, lack care, and love, would feel depressed and neglected, would always have the urge to attain perfection to get validation, and would mostly be prey to narcissism knowingly or unknowingly, willingly or unwillingly.
A toxic bond or a toxic relationship is where your mental health, emotional health, and overall well-being are compromised. You do not know what a healthy relationship looks like.
In the case of toxic parents, the toxicity is not intentional, but it is ingrained in their parenting. Sometimes parents have an inferiority complex over their children, they do not realize this and they keep on torturing their kids.
Definitely, you cannot choose your parents or the way they treat you, but you can always find ways to defend yourself and create healthy boundaries. Healing requires self-care, self-compassion, and a lot of patience. be patient with yourself and do not rush the healing.
Narcissistic parents leave a deep impact on their children which can leave deep scars and childhood trauma. But there are ways to make yourself free from Narcissistic characteristics and such painful habits and memories by seeking help. So never lose hope!
Give importance to self-love – Do not let anyone bring down your confidence and self-love. Narcissistic mothers have a tendency to ruin the definition of love for you, but find the meaning of love again by seeking help. Connect with nature, adopt a pet, or find new people to connect with.