Why Does My Narcissist Ex Hate Me Even When I Treat Him So Well?

by Ella Carrillo · August 13, 2023

Why Does My Narcissist Ex Hate Me Even When I Treat Him So Well? Narcissists are complex and have complicated relationships. Narcissists constantly have a love-hate relationship with their exes due to certain reasons.

It is not uncommon to continue thinking about an ex-partner even after a breakup, particularly if they were a narcissist. Narcissistic partners can leave a lasting impact on their victims, and the trauma associated with an abusive relationship can take time to heal. Additionally, breaking up with a narcissist always feels like there is a lack of closure, as the breakup seems abrupt. Thus you may take a lot of time processing the breakup and trying to figure out as to what exactly went wrong!

On the other hand, the narcissist may already have moved on immediately while you are still figuring out how to win them back. Narcissists might hate you for several reasons, a few of them being, they would hate you if you criticize them, if you are more successful than them, if you have more money than them, if you are clingy and convey your feelings, asking them to commit to you, or even if you confess your feelings by saying you love them. Narcissists can hate you for different reasons ranging from the silliest to the most awkward reasons.

One of the most prominent characteristics of narcissism is the immoderate amount of jealousy that the narcissists have for others due to different reasons. Narcissists can be jealous of others for what they have, how they look, their achievements, or their status. Their jealousy is so cruel, that they might even enjoy other people’s misfortunes whom they are jealous of in certain cases.

Narcissists do many things that might hurt others badly out of jealousy. They might plot revenge, they might smear your reputation by launching a smear campaign, and they are even capable to destroy your spirit. Their jealousy surpasses the edge of being malignant when they start enjoying other people’s misfortunes and shortcomings.

Let us discover the reason, “Why Does my Narcissist Ex Hate me even when I Treat Him so Well?”

Why Does My Narcissist Ex Hate Me Even When I Treat Him So Well?

Narcissists hate others, when someone outshines them, or someone overtakes their success. There are many reasons behind their hatred, and those are mentioned below,

Jealousy

Narcissists often tend to be competitive in many dimensions of life, and so they always need to be most prominent in whatever they do or put their hands on. They also have boosted self-confidence but do lack self-esteem as they mask their real self-respect, emotions, and personality behind the mask of perfectionist that they manifest to be.

A Narcissistic individual would be jealous of your achievements, your happiness, or even your growth. If you surpass them in any way or by means they will not be happy about it and instead will degrade your achievement with jealous comments or criticism. They might also just twist the reality of the situation.

Narcissists have a tendency to be perfectionists or at least better than everyone else wherever they go. But that is impossible. They try to be noticeable, nosy, and attention-grabbing. But that does not work every time. They get jealous in such situations when someone outfoxes them.

Which situations can make a narcissist jealous?

Narcissists feel jealous in many situations but a few common situations are mentioned below,

They get jealous when their exes find new romantic partners and seem happy with them.
They get jealous when a co-worker receives a promotion for doing the same work as a narcissist.
They even get jealous of their romantic partners when they feel they have their eyes n someone else or are cheating.
They can be even jealous of their partners for their growth and development in both their personal and professional like.
They feel jealous when their sibling outperforms them in any phase of life; be it in academics, building a stable career, finding romantic partners, or outperforming them in any manner.
They even get jealous of their children. For instance, when their children are passing through the youth stage and are beautiful, a narcissistic mother feels jealous of their beauty and fitness.
When someone else receives praise and attention for the same amount of work done as a narcissist, or for similar reasons then a narcissist definitely gets super jealous.
When someone tries to steal their spotlight or thunder, then a narcissist gets jealous.
When someone known to them makes better progress, gains anything better than them, or outperforms them, then narcissists do feel jealousy prominently.
They can be jealous even of their neighbors, friends, and distant relatives.
For instance, when a neighbor buys an expensive or highly functioning car, then they feel jealous.
Or when a friend achieves their goals, or even when a distant relative is doing superior to them in life.

In short, they can be jealous in any situation, when someone else is happier, more successful, or outwits them and gains attention.

Resentment

The narcissist constantly tries to prove their worth to grab attention. They just need to be perfect at everything and anything they put their mind to. So this leads them to their super competitiveness mode, where they can go to any extent to achieve what they wish. They can be mean, jealous, resentful, and even malice when it comes to achieving what they want.

But when you receive what they desire, or somehow you surpass them in something, or you get any kind of recognition that they believe that they are more capable to receive, then this can affect the narcissist and can cause resentment towards you, as they always believe that they are better than others.

They think you do not deserve the success or happiness that you might have received

When a narcissist sees someone happier than them then creates a commotion in a narcissist’s life. This includes their parents, siblings, partners, friends or exes, or any past contacts even. If you act all excited or happy around them, especially when a narcissist is feeling low or unhappy, they may be so jealous that they might curse your happiness silently. Narcissists can be mean and malice when it comes to happiness or pleasure.

Narcissists get jealous of other people’s success, achievements, physique, fortunes, and even happiness. They cannot see other people happy. They believe that your success and happiness were served to you easily without making much effort. They believe that your life is easygoing and everything got served to you on a silver platter or that you were born with a silver spoon and hence you are successful.

They are not ready to believe the fact that your hard work brought whatever success, money, or achievements you have. They also feel that if they are not happy then others also do not deserve happiness. Thus they think you do not deserve the success or happiness that you might have received

If it makes them look bad they would hate you

If somehow your success makes them look or feel inferior then they might hate you until they are more successful than you. They might still not stop hating you to the point that they believe you are their competition and you can surpass them at some point.

Narcissists consider themselves to be superior, smarter, important, deserving, and ahead of you, and thus when you compare them with someone else, they feel jealous and might even doubt your intentions.

They have a desire to always be better than others and also constantly try to prove their own worth. Narcissists are also able to fake happiness, so when you achieve something they might seem happy for you but deep down they are jealous of your achievement and might even hex you for your happiness and achievements if it somehow makes them feel bad, inferior, or lesser.

Familiarity

Narcissists might often see your success as a form of betrayal, a betrayal as in they would always see the person in the same light as they used to be, and when the person turns out to be different they would degrade their worth by using familiarity.

They would provide statements like, “They are the same old person as they were, then what do they think of themselves now?” They still have the old impressions of the person in their mind that they had in the past and would keep degrading their achievements by comparing.

Insecurity

Narcissists also may hate it when their ex-romantic partner has found someone already after breaking up, and they are still in search or are single. This fact can immediately ruin their mood and thus they might even try to break their new relationship by badmouthing their ex to the new partner.

Narcissists have insecurities regarding many aspects of their life one of which is maintaining their relationships. Narcissists may have anxiousness when it comes to their partner or the source of supply.

When their ex-partner praises someone else’s achievements in front of them it makes them feel insecure and jealous. They might think that their ex is better off with someone and they are happy with them, and this thought makes them unhappy.

Why and How would the Narcissists react to your Success?

Every insecurity, every negative emotion, and every ill-considered feeling for the narcissists stems from the prime reason and that is narcissists are unable to see anyone else in the spotlight. They feel they are superior to everyone else and hence they feel they deserve a grand success than everyone else.

Narcissists would always put everyone in their place, by verbally degrading the worth of the compliments that they receive. Their jealousy does not allow them to celebrate other people’s achievements and happiness. If someone compliments you in front of the narcissist, they would be jealous, and might even bad mouth you.

The jealousy that Narcissists feel is different because they showcase their jealousy by shielding it with rage. They do feel jealousy but would not admit it as that might make them vulnerable. Instead, they try to cover up jealousy in the form of rage, verbal abuse, or even mocking. They might often resort to mocking you when they feel jealous and insecure.

Final Thoughts

Narcissists are someone that you cannot control, but you can control yourself and your reactions. Narcissists might showcase hatred, and also they might be vicious about that, but do not let that hatred bother you. Do not lose your self-worth, and do not hate yourself just because narcissists make you feel inferior.

When the narcissist is jealous of you and tries to show their hatred to you, just ignore them and all the negative emotions that they are trying to project on you. Just remember you are their ex and they no longer matter to you. Do not let them win over you.

Also, remember that whatever you do, would never be enough to impress them. So do not worry and let them win. Just live your life and focus on your own happiness rather than worrying about what the narcissist thinks of you.

Author
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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

Why Does My Narcissist Ex Hate Me Even When I Treat Him So Well?