How Are Sons of Narcissistic Mothers Affected in Life? Narcissistic parents leave a deep impact on their children’s lives that which is termed childhood trauma. Narcissistic parents have the same influence on their kids as well. Can this influence be termed “bad influence”? Do narcissistic parents pass on the legacy of all the traits that they possess?
Rest yourselves, as we are providing answers to all the questions related to, “How Are Sons of Narcissistic Mothers Affected in Life?” and also discuss this in detail to ease your mind. If you are a son suffering the influence of a narcissistic parent or a parent who is suffering through NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), do not worry and keep reading through this article as you might find solutions or a way in between the queries to solve the doubts and your uncertainties.
Children and mothers have an inseparable bond, as a mother plays a crucial role in a child’s upbringing. Narcissistic parents leave a deep impact on their children, as they lack emotional bond, their love is conditional, achievements are more important than their child, their needs are a top priority than their child’s, no arguments only agreements without knowing the problem, and much more.
Narcissistic parents are almost emotionally unavailable, self-centered, and egoistic, lash out in anger more frequently, have a very low rate of understanding, and blame the child, rather than looking at their fault.
Often it is observed by mental health experts, that the children raised by narcissists have childhood trauma, which affects their upbringing and also makes the same or even more narcissistic than their parents.
Children learn from their parents, so parents would only be passing on narcissistic traits to their children as an inherent quality knowingly or unknowingly, willingly or unwillingly, by choice or without choice. Unless they are guided toward what is right, instead of toxic behavior, there is no way a child will not learn all those narcissistic traits possessed by their Narcissistic parents.
How to know whether you are raised by a narcissistic parent or you are a narcissistic parent? Below mentioned are some of the commonly observed traits of a narcissistic person;
- Are abusive both mentally and verbally.
- All conversations begin with you and end with you.
- Controlling and bragging.
- Are emotionally unavailable.
- Arrogance and anger is your first reaction to any problems.
- Hate changes and also cannot take them well.
- Are self-centric.
- Neglects responsibilities.
- Have unhealthy relations.
- Easily irritated and have drastic mood changes and shifts.
- Are mean when your ways do not work out.
- Blame others for your mistakes.
- Lack of sensitivity and empathy.
- Lack self-awareness.
- Always expect more from others.
- Are highly competitive and always expect more.
- Takes advantage of others easily.
- Cannot take criticism well.
- Can be rude and often do not understand and always try to prove their point in every situation, instead of listening.
How a narcissistic mother treats her son differently from her daughter?
A narcissistic mother can be or would most certainly be biased toward her son and daughter. Narcissistic mothers may be gender biased and treat their sons differently. They would knowingly or unknowingly behave differently towards them. There are a few points that a narcissistic mother would compare and provide a gender-biased upbringing. The points are as below,
Boys would often receive compliments and praise from their narcissistic mothers, as compared to girls. Boys hold more significance for a narcissistic mother in her life than girls.
Usually, sons are provided better educational facilities and a chance for self-growth than daughters by their narcissistic parents. Daughters are not given equal opportunities to study as the sons as they believe a daughter should be better at managing a household rather than studying. They would often ask their daughters to help with the house chores and allow their sons to focus on only their studies.
Narcissistic parents usually consider that their sons can do better at academics than their daughters. As daughters are supposed to manage households after marrying. So their academic needs are usually neglected or given lesser importance.
Basic upbringing differences created by narcissistic mothers for their sons and daughters
- Narcissistic mothers would often brag about their son’s smallest achievements but would not mention anything about their daughter’s achievements.
- Sons are not given many responsibilities, while daughters are expected to manage the house, cook, study, and even take care of the family.
- Narcissistic mothers would easily forgive their son for his mistake, but would not let go of a daughter’s mistake.
- Sons are given utmost importance, praise, and encouragement by their narcissistic mothers. Constantly neglected by her mother, and in constant need of approval and praise, the daughter of a narcissistic mother would be just walking on thin ice around her.
- Sons do not need validation for their actions while daughters need constant validation from their mothers.
- Sons are usually pampered and accepted as they are, while daughters are expected to be perfect at everything they do, to be accepted and loved by their narcissistic mothers.
In such cases, the sons would be overconfident and overestimated, and the daughters of such narcissistic mothers would lack confidence, would be constantly feared, lack care, and love, would feel depressed and neglected, would always have the urge to attain perfection to get validation, and would mostly be prey to narcissism knowingly or unknowingly, willingly or unwillingly.
But in both cases sons and daughters, children of narcissistic parents have low self-esteem, need constant validation, have troubled relationships, and have problems expressing their emotions.
Now let us get some detailed answers to the question, “How Are Sons of Narcissistic Mothers Affected in Life? and How to Cure it?
How Are Sons of Narcissistic Mothers Affected in Life?
- Lack of emotional stability
- Always the victim of manipulative tactics and learn to do so with others too
- Shattered self-esteem
- Lack of empathy and attachment
- Victim of Scapegoating and does same with others
- Lacks unconditional love
- Has trust issues
- Toxic relationships with people
1. Lack of emotional stability
There is no emotional stability when you live with a narcissistic mother or narcissistic parents. They have constant mood swings and emotional waves that a child is unable to understand. So as the child grows older he/she faces a lack of emotional support and constant emotional manipulation.
Children of NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) parents often tend to bottle up emotions, withdraw from emotional bonding with anyone else, or are emotionally damaged and lack to understand others.
- NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) parents always change the subject where they feel they would have to emotionally. This would affect the emotional dependency of the child making it difficult to open up emotionally as there would be no outlet. In this case, they would seek emotional support from others, but for how much time? Nobody can provide emotional support as your family!
- A narcissistic mother would use their son’s insecurities to achieve what they want.
- Lying, denial, ignorance, and fear are what children of NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) parents would learn in terms of emotions.
2. Always the victim of manipulative tactics and learn to do so with others too
Children always end up being a victim of manipulation in the case of NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) parents. A narcissistic mother would often compare their children with others, would push buttons that would damage them emotionally when they disobey, would trade their favorite things to get their work done, and would always be result oriented.
- A narcissistic mother would resort to using flattery in terms of care, love, and bonding.
- A narcissistic mother would evaluate you when you do not prove yourself according to their standards.
- A narcissistic mother would use their son’s insecurities to achieve what they want.
- Exaggerating lies and relying on lies.
- Being a control freak
3. Shattered self-esteem
As their worth is never given enough credit, NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder)children or children of Narcissistic parents have very low or shattered self-esteem and are insecure about what others would think of them. As they were never given enough credit or praise for expressing themselves openly while growing up, they are unsure about their self-worth. Narcissistic parents always fear that their children might bring them shame, so they never allow them to do anything freely without their consent.
4. Lack of empathy and attachment
Narcissists are incapable of understanding and exchanging feelings with others. They are self-obsessed and self-absorbed. they can not think from anyone else’s viewpoint. The same goes for Narcissistic parents. NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) parents lack empathy and do not like to get attached to their kids. So a child would constantly feel a lack of empathy love and understanding.
5. Victim of Scapegoating and does same with others
Scapegoating is when you isolate a person and blame them for all your negative experiences. Blaming others for your negative emotions like failure, aggression, underachievement, and similar experiences in life.
For instance, when a narcissistic mother is incapable of earning and catering to the needs of the child, she often blames them for not earning after being capable or of age by doing side jobs or fulfilling their responsibilities even though they might still be studying.
Children of NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) parents often fall victim to scapegoating and do the same with others.
6. Lacks unconditional love
A narcissistic mother is incapable of loving unconditionally love. She would always trade love in exchange for supply (Supply here refers to giving them attention, praising their accomplishments, providing a sense of entitlement and validation whether it is positive or negative, providing special treatment, and meeting their needs and demands). So children do not know the meaning of unconditional love in the case of NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) parents.
7. Has trust issues
NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) children have trust issues due to their narcissistic parents, due to which they are unable to trust others or even their self. Narcissistic parents would barely have any input for you when they have no interest in what you are saying plus they would even degrade your idea-making. This makes you a shallow person. They would ignore or not attend any conversation that might create intimacy. Manipulation, ghosting, and gaslighting are common traits of a narcissistic parent.
8. Toxic relationships with people
Children brought up by narcissistic parents, especially those who do not have a supportive mother tend to have toxic relations while becoming adults. Childhood trauma is common for children with NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) parents that indulge in toxic relationships with their partners, unhealthy relations with friends, and attachment issues.
How to Cure it?
Knowing more about Narcissism
Knowing more about Narcissism can help you understand your NPD parents or anybody with NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) better. This is the best and utmost way to cope with a narcissistic person.
Connecting and seeking help from others
Consulting and connecting with people who understand you, and seeking help from others like relatives, teachers, gurus, and friends who are reliable can support you and even help you bring your life back on track.
Disconnecting from the trauma
Letting go of hurtful and unwanted trauma, comments, moments, and life experiences can be a great relief for healing.
Can you cope with trauma caused by a narcissistic mother? -How to make yourself free from Narcissistic characteristics?
By the time you realize that you had a troublesome and traumatic childhood due to narcissistic parents, you would be mature enough to understand the below-provided points. If you realize that you are a narcissistic parent or have gained narcissistic traits from your narcissistic parents then these points will help you. So please keep reading further,
- Learning about your true feelings, keeping aside all the false facades that you have created, and acknowledging them can be the initial step.
- Excluding yourself from a group of narcissistic people and finding appropriate company in the form of friends, and a life partner can be one of the ways to keep yourself aloof from that atmosphere.
- Look after your physical health with the help of exercises, yoga, meditation, and any form of physical workout.
- Look after your mental health with the help of meditation, reading good books, seeking help from your loved ones, listening to music, and doing more things that keep your interest at its peak.
- Consult a mental health expert, a therapist, or anyone who can guide you on the correct path.
- Try connecting more with nature by hiking, swimming, jogging in the fresh air, and any possible means which can get you closure to nature.
- Give appropriate time to yourself to heal internally; do not force healing upon yourself.
- Find things that keep you away from negative thoughts, negative people, and a negative atmosphere.
- Learning new skills, meeting new people, and visiting new places also play a crucial role in freeing yourself from narcissistic characteristics.
- Improve your sleep schedule, by going early to bed and waking before the sun rises.
- Seeking which type of therapy suits you the best and consulting a therapist is the best idea for starters to cope with childhood trauma.
Narcissistic parents leave a deep impact on their children which can leave deep scars and childhood trauma. But there are ways to make yourself free from Narcissistic characteristics and such painful habits and memories by seeking help. So never lose hope! Children do not get to choose parents, but they can definitely choose what to adapt to and what not after certain maturity.
Focusing on positivity, healing, and connecting with better people can help children to cope with childhood trauma.
Give importance to self-love – Do not let anyone bring down your confidence and self-love. Narcissistic mothers have a tendency to ruin the definition of love for you, but find the meaning of love again by seeking help. Connect with nature, adopt a pet or find new people to connect with.