If you have the same question and doubts as to “why the narcissist keeps contacting me“, even after breaking up or terminating the relationship, then leave your frustrations and know the reason behind all the whys that may be popping up in your brain and know why they do so!
Narcissists can be compared to the gum stuck at the bottom of your shoe. As the gum does not easily leave the surface it gets stuck, in the same way, narcissists are clingy and you may not be able to get rid of them easily. They would keep coming around and try to contact you constantly even after you break up. It does not matter, how many times you dump them, they would come around shamelessly if they have not found someone to rely on and get their narcissistic supply.
And the worst part is that being an ex, you may feel guilty and be easily lured by the narcissist due to their irresistible charm and love-bombing tactics. So no matter what you are unable to resist them and get lured into the loop of toxic relationships again and again. Staying friends with an ex is a completely personal decision, but narcissist often take their exes for granted and believe that they will always take them no matter what.
You accept them with an open heart despite knowing their true personality, and yet things start going south in no time and the abuse, manipulation, and toxicity come gushing back and you might again leave them. This cycle is endless unless you go no contact with the narcissist or the narcissist finds someone better than you.
But this does not end here yet; even if the narcissist might have found someone better, as soon as they break up, narcissists would come back running to their exes. So why does the narcissist keep coming back and keep on contacting me even after parting ways?
The Narcissist Keeps Contacting Me – But Why?
A narcissist’s charming and persuasive personality makes it difficult for their partners to break up with them. Even if a narcissist breaks up with you, or it is you who is the initiator, a narcissist holds the power to convince you to take them back into the relationship.
The prime reason why narcissists jump from relationship to relationship is their urge to obtain the maximum amount of narcissistic supply. They usually trap their victims into their manipulative games by using techniques such as narcissistic projection, love bombing, and showing a fake desirable future to retain their new relationship to obtain the maximum narcissistic supply.
Narcissists are always high on narcissistic supply. They are severely addicted to “Narcissistic Supply” and they can do anything to obtain that. A narcissistic supply is everything that makes a narcissistic life fulfilled. It is that one thing that a narcissist always craves even if it is in its negative forms, that is attention.
One can even say that a narcissist is only able to fulfill their life purposes on the basis of supply itself. They feel crippled without their source of admiration, attention, validation, importance, and everything that makes them feel special. Fame, superiority, attention, power, worship, respect, idolization, and so on are all part of the narcissistic supply. Narcissists are supply junkies and thus they would turn tables to get what they need.
In the initial phase of the relationship with the narcissist, it may feel like you are crazily chasing them as they would play hard to get even though they were the ones to lead you on. Thus it becomes a chase from there on. But soon the tables are turned and the narcissist would be chasing you to obtain what they need in the form of a narcissistic supply even after parting ways.
Thus you become a source of supply for them as the people who supply them with what they want consistently, reliably, and undeniably.
Reasons why a narcissist keeps contacting you
For the majority of people, once the agony and frustration of a breakup is over, they may soon realize that they still have leftover affection for their exes. And out of that affection, they might reach out to their exes. But is it the same with Narcissists? – Absolutely Not, As narcissists cannot have meaningful relationships they just get into relationships to gain something. Let us know the reasons.
Fear of Abandonment
Narcissists do not like being alone. They are people who manage their lives on the basis of external validation, attention, and admiration. So when they leave their partner, they might rush into getting into another relationship, even if that means being with someone who is not their ideal type in the form of a partner.
They constantly need someone who can reassure their life conduct, appreciate their existence, praise their achievements, respect them, and provide them admiration no matter what they do. So without getting assurance, a narcissist would start feeling anxious about their presence and feel lonely.
When they are alone, they may fight their internal conflicts, would feel lonely and empty as they are fake and empty from within. They are not really able to receive their true selves and true emotions, and thus they fear being alone.
As narcissists themselves are shallow, they always expect a lot from their partners. They depend on their partners to receive unrequited love, care, attachment, dependency, and warmth. Thus their “fear of being alone” would push them into contacting their exes as and when required.
The Need for Narcissistic Supply
A narcissist is always searching for supply, so they would always want you to continue the relationship even after breaking up, as you might be a source or a backup option for their narcissistic supply.
So why should the narcissist look for another source of supply when they are obtaining it readily from their current source of supply is available and are ready to accept them as is?
The old partners whom the narcissist once left for someone better might feel anxious, confused, and also a little happy when a narcissist decides to rekindle them. They might be confused regarding the narcissist’s re-entry into their life.
As per the common conceptions regarding a narcissist, they would seem to reconnect with their previous partners due to their egoistic personalities. But it is not true. Narcissists love repetitiveness in their behavior. They love a repetitive lifestyle which also includes going back to their exes, when they feel lonely, abandoned, or need comfort.
Also, it would be a task to find someone new and adjust to their personality. So the narcissist would always opt for their previous partner as they are used to them. Thus they would prefer contacting their exes rather than finding someone new.
Narcissists are confident that you will definitely take them back into the relationship
Narcissists have this typical belief that they are too good for any of their partners and everyone would regret losing them. So under this belief, a narcissist would not only approach and contact their old partners but that too with full confidence that their partners would readily accept them back.
Narcissists think too highly of themselves and also feel that nobody would refuse to accept back such a magnetic and charming personality. They disregard everyone else’s feelings and emotions and only think of themselves.
They also have a potential belief that you(their partner) would hardly be able to find someone better or equal to them and thus they build a strong belief that their old partners would absolutely accept them into relationships once they approach them.
So when a narcissist is done with their current relationship, they would run back to their old partner, with the hope and belief of them accepting back due to their magnetic and charming personalities which anyone can hardly deny.
But do not get swayed here and remember that they are still the same toxic personality, who you used to date previously, and their reapproaching changes nothing in the relationship. They are not in love with you all of a sudden, they are just using you as a correspondence based on the experience and familiarity they had with you when you used to date them.
Some narcissists would change their minds immediately as soon as you ask for a commitment and would turn you down with a super insulting comment or a defaming statement.
The reason behind such abusive behavior is that they are just temporarily returning to their ex-partners just for a “Quick Fix” to satisfy their needs and cater to their addiction to supply.
Once they receive what they desire in the form of validation, attention, and adoration when you respond to their request, they have their needs met in the form of a fix and will move on to their next best target.
Narcissists linger around you for a while even after leaving you for someone else to check how you are doing. They never completely cut ties with their exes until they have completely benefitted from you. They do not feel guilty or repent after breaking up but their only fear is the lack of supply.
They do tend to keep contact with their exes or even try to be together again after breaking up or giving the silent treatment, to satisfy their ego. They want to know how miserable you are after they have left you!
- A narcissist never wants to lose control over you.
- They always want to keep you as a backup option.
- They would want to keep a door open for physical intimacy.
- They might come back when they want some monetary gains from you.
- Narcissists can be the most difficult people, so they may come around to gain emotional support from you.
- They would come back to obtain their dose of narcissistic supply.
The narcissists would keep coming back into your life even after parting ways with you, as it is the easiest way to obtain the Narcissistic Supply.
Narcissists would contact their ex-partners to gain benefits for themselves. They are not interested in building healthy relationships with their partner. They are simply interested in gaining benefits in the form of a narcissistic supply from their partners.
Also dating a narcissist can be the most difficult yet effective kind of relationship. Narcissistic relations can be sometimes good but in a bad way. Toxic relationships are like slow poison. So think carefully before you reenter one.
So when a narcissist contacts you once again, just deal with them by establishing “No-Contact” and do not react to their pleading. Do not be lured by a narcissist once you break up with them. Just recollect all the bitter memories with them before reconciling. Just keep moving forward.