What can be the Effects of a Narcissistic Mother on her Daughter? Do Narcissist parents have the same impact on their kids? Do narcissistic parents pass on the legacy of all the traits that they possess? If all such questions are popping up in your mind, then relax and stay tuned with this article. We will be discussing the effects that narcissistic parents have on their children, and especially we will discuss the effects of a Narcissistic Mother on her Daughter.
Narcissistic parents leave a deep impact on their children, as they lack emotional bond, their love is conditional, achievements are more important than their child, their needs are a top priority than their child’s, no arguments only agreements without knowing the problem, and much more. Narcissistic parents are almost emotionally unavailable, self-centered, and egoistic, lash out in anger more frequently, have a very low rate of understanding, and moreover blame the child, rather than looking at their own fault.
How to know whether you are raised by a narcissistic parent or you are a narcissistic parent? Below mentioned are some of the commonly observed traits of a narcissistic person;
- Can be rude and often do not understand and always try to prove their point in every situation, instead of listening.
- Arrogance and anger is your first reaction to any problems.
- Hate changes and also cannot take them well.
- Lack of sensitivity and empathy.
- Are emotionally unavailable.
- Are self-centric.
- Are mean when your ways do not work out.
- Blame others for your mistakes.
- Are abusive.
- Lack self-awareness.
- Always expect more from others.
- Have unhealthy relations.
- Are highly competitive.
- Easily irritated and have drastic mood changes and shifts.
- Takes advantage of others easily.
- Cannot take criticism well.
- Neglects responsibilities.
Often it is observed by mental health experts, that the children raised by narcissists have childhood trauma, which affects their upbringing and also makes the same or even more narcissistic than their parents. Children learn from their parents, so parents would only be passing on narcissistic traits to their children as an inherent quality knowingly or unknowingly, willingly or unwillingly, by choice or without choice. Unless they are guided toward what is right, instead of toxic behavior, there is no way a child will not learn all those narcissistic traits possessed by their Narcissistic parents.
How would a narcissistic mother treat her daughter?
A narcissistic mother can be or would most certainly be biased toward her son and daughter. Would have more expectations from her daughter than from their sons. Would easily forgive their son for his mistake, but would not let go of a daughter’s mistake. Constantly neglected by her mother, and in constant need of approval and praise, the daughter of a narcissistic mother would be just walking on thin ice around her.
In such cases, the daughters of such narcissistic mothers would lack confidence, would be constantly feared, have low self-esteem, lack care, and love, would feel depressed and neglected, would always have the urge to attain perfection to get validation, and would mostly be prey to narcissism knowingly or unknowingly, willingly or unwillingly.
What are the Effects of a Narcissistic Mother on her Daughter?
- Always in constant need of approval and praise
- Lack of confidence
- Has the urge to attain perfection to get validation
- Has difficulty expressing themselves
- Has low self-esteem and always living with insecurities
- Has trust issues
- Toxic relationships with people
- Are manipulative
- Cannot take criticism well
- Have Mental health issues
Let us look at some of the Effects of a Narcissistic Mother on her Daughter; as the daughters are impacted deeply by such behavior of their mother and these few traits may have been inscribed into their children’s behavior too! Let us keep reading further.
1. Always in constant need of approval and praise
Having a narcissistic mother has an adverse effect on children, especially daughters. Narcissistic mothers always want their daughters to seek their approval and permission before making life decisions. This habit of theirs affects their children and creates a habit in them of always seeking approval and praise from others. They feel a constant need of seeking approval before making any decision as they have never been allowed to do so before.
2. Lack of confidence
Narcissistic parents have a tendency to never approve or mock their child’s idea, as they think a child should always act as they as. The children of such parents lose self-confidence as they do not have supportive parents. Narcissistic mothers never support any idea of their daughters, while a son’s idea is always appreciated.
Narcissistic parents always try to impose their ideas on their children, and always keep on saying,
- You can do better than this!
- Try better next time!
- Look at that kid’s performance, you are nowhere near!
- When I was young I used to be so much better than you!
These kinds of statements break a child’s confidence, making them less confident; always doubting their own decisions and ideas. This discourages the child and makes them under-confident.
Narcissistic parents will always try to impose their ideas on their children. The moment the child says or tries to do something on their own; they will either ignore them or will try to sabotage the situation and not listen to the child’s idea, instead forcing their own ideas on the child. This discourages the child and makes them under-confident.
3. Has the urge to attain perfection to get validation
Narcissistic children inherit narcissism from their parents, thus gaining all their narcissistic traits from them. One such trait is always seeking validation from others and trying to prove their worth. Always trying to prove they are perfect in whatever they do and others should appreciate them all the time. As a narcissistic mother is never satisfied with their daughter’s decisions and choices, this forces their daughters to always achieve the highest in whatever they do near to perfect and always get other people’s validation.
4. Has difficulty expressing themselves
Children of narcissistic parents find it difficult to put their thoughts with confidence. They often hide their feelings or always suppress them as they know no one would be there to listen to them. Such children are punished when they express themselves, they always get a nodding no head for whatever they want to do or say, thus making it difficult for them to open up in front of everyone.
5. Has low self-esteem and always living with insecurities
As their worth is never given enough credit, NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder)children or children of Narcissistic parents have very low self-esteem and are insecure about what others would think of them. As they were never given enough credit or praise for expressing themselves openly while growing up, they are unsure about their self-worth. Narcissistic parents always fear that their children might bring them shame, so they never allow them to do anything freely without their consent.
6. Has trust issues
NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) children have trust issues due to their narcissistic parents, due to which they are unable to trust others or even their own self. Narcissistic parents would barely have any input for you when they have no interest in what you are saying plus they would even degrade your idea-making. This makes you a shallow person. They would ignore or not attend any conversation that might create intimacy. Manipulation, ghosting, and gaslighting are common traits of a narcissistic parent.
7. Toxic relationships with people
Children brought up by narcissistic parents, especially daughters who do not have a supportive mother tend to have toxic relations while becoming adults. Childhood trauma of NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) children have toxic relationships with their partners, unhealthy relations with friends, and attachment issues. The effect of a Narcissistic mother on her Daughter will also affect her daughter’s relations with their offspring. Children cannot even expect deep meaningful conversations from their narcissistic parents.
8. Are manipulative
Manipulation, ghosting, and gaslighting are common traits of a narcissistic parent. They also manipulate their children. Same way NPD children also grow up to be manipulative adults. Some examples of manipulative adults who have grown under the influence of narcissistic parents are,
- Exaggerating lies and relying on lies to establish relationships
- Being a control freak in a relationship
- Always doing what you like
- Not being supportive enough when your partner needs you
9. Cannot take criticism well
NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) children cannot take criticism well. They might crack mean jokes, might also expose all your secrets, or might use you as an imaginary punch back with their humiliating punches in the face, if you criticize a narcissistic kid. A Narcissist can be as direct as possible, they even might point fingers at you and might also call you names.
10. Have Mental health issues
NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder)children or children of Narcissistic parents have mental health issues like depression, anxiety, social behavioral issues, bipolar personalities, panic attacks, anger issues, arrogance, anger outbursts, health issues, sleep deprivation, and eating disorders. They lack sensitivity and empathy. They always need praise, appreciation, and entitlement.
What are some of the ways to cope with childhood trauma? – How to make yourself free from Narcissistic characteristics?
- Learning about your true feelings, keeping aside all the false facades that you have created, and acknowledging them can be the initial step.
- Excluding yourself from a group of narcissistic people and finding appropriate company in the form of friends, and a life partner can be one of the ways to keep yourself aloof from that atmosphere.
- Look after your physical health with the help of exercises, yoga, meditation, and any form of physical workout.
- Look after your mental health with the help of meditation, reading good books, by seeking help from your loved ones, listening to music, and doing more things that keep your interest at its peak.
- Consult a mental health expert, a therapist, or anyone who can guide you on the correct path.
- Try connecting more with nature by hiking, swimming, jogging in the fresh air, and any possible means which can get you closure to nature.
- Give appropriate time to yourself to heal internally; do not force healing upon yourself.
- Find things that keep you away from negative thoughts, negative people, and a negative atmosphere.
- Learning new skills, meeting new people, and visiting new places also play a crucial role in freeing yourself from narcissistic characteristics.
- Improve your sleep schedule, by going early to bed and waking before the sun rises.
- Seeking which type of therapy suits you the best and consulting a therapist is the best idea for starters to cope with childhood trauma. Some of the best therapies include
- Cognitive Therapy
- Holistic Therapy
- Behavior Therapy
- Humanistic Therapy
- Music Therapy
Narcissistic mothers teach their daughters that love is not unconditional, that it is given only when they behave in accordance with maternal expectations and whims. As adults, these daughters have difficulty overcoming feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, emotional emptiness, and sadness. They may also have a fear of abandonment that leads them to form unhealthy romantic relationships as well as a tendency to perfectionism and unrelenting self-criticism or to self-sabotage and frustration. -Dr. Lucy McBride
As suggested by a mental health expert, Dr. Lucy McBride, Narcissistic parents leave a deep impact on their children which can leave deep scars and childhood trauma. But there are ways to make yourself free from Narcissistic characteristics and such painful habs and memories by seeking help. So never lose hope!