Do Narcissists Love Their Children? (Do They Even Want Them?)
Do Narcissists Love their Children? Do Narcissists even desire children? Narcissists are known to be those people with inflated self-worth and are full of themselves. All they like and do is care and think for themselves, their benefits, and their well-being. Narcissists have no interest in commitments, responsibilities, attachments, and emotions.
Having children on the other hand seems like a strenuous task to a narcissist as they never really wish to take responsibility. But not all narcissists feel the same. All people are different, in the same way, not all narcissists do not want to have children. So the task here is to know ultimately, “Do Narcissists Love their Children? and “Do they even want them? Let us get going further to know plausible answers.
If you have narcissistic parents, then this question, “Do Narcissists Love their Children?” might be very agonizing for you. A narcissist’s parenting, warmth for their children, nurturing, positiveness, unconditional love, and many such parenting techniques may be questionable and would be different than what is normally expected from parents. Despite these facts are narcissistic parents capable of good parenting? Can narcissists truly love their children? Let us get reading further.
Understanding the effects of Narcissistic parents on their Children
Narcissistic parents leave a deep impact on their children’s lives which is termed childhood trauma. Narcissistic parents have the same influence on their kids as well. Can this influence be termed “bad influence”? Do narcissistic parents pass on the legacy of all the traits that they possess?
Can narcissistic parenting be termed a “bad influence”?
No parent would wish for something that is excruciating for their children. But with narcissistic parents, a child’s development is questioned and influenced at many levels. Even when the child is unborn, some narcissists find it difficult to make childbirth, child upbringing, and child development problematic by having high expectations from the unborn child. A narcissist is someone who wishes everything to be perfectly happening in their life with maintaining their grandiosity at the highest possible levels. They expect the same from their children even before they are born.
Narcissistic parents set the bar of expectations so high for their children, that it becomes difficult for the children to cope with such high and unrealistic expectations. Along with this, narcissistic parents do not make the development and upbringing phases of their children any easier as they keep on adding more and more expectations with each growing phase of the child. So narcissistic parenting may not seem like to-the-mark parenting, but terming it a bad influence might not be appropriate as no parent would wish anything gut-wrenching for their child.
Do narcissistic parents pass on the legacy of all the traits that they possess?
Children learn from their parents, so parents would only be passing on narcissistic traits to their children as an inherent quality knowingly or unknowingly, willingly or unwillingly, by choice or without choice. Unless they are guided toward what is right, instead of toxic behavior, there is no way a child will not learn all those narcissistic traits possessed by their Narcissistic parents.
Narcissistic parents leave a deep impact on their children, as they lack emotional bonds, their love is conditional, achievements are more important than their child, their needs are a top priority than their child’s, no arguments only agreements without knowing the problem, and much more. Narcissistic parents are almost emotionally unavailable, self-centered, and egoistic, lash out in anger more frequently, have a very low rate of understanding, and blame the child, rather than looking at their fault.
With the growth of their children, narcissistic parents would definitely observe their traits being devolved into their children, so they would do anything in their power to either manipulate that process or would do anything to engage and encourage their children not to develop more toxicity and be superior to others of their age. Of course, narcissistic parents would not want their children to behave the same way as them and with them, but by the time they realize this and tend to mend this process, it would be late.
When narcissistic parents realize that their children are starting to form their own personalities, which might be different from what they might have expected, they would manipulate and inculcate toxicity into their children. This process might have many consequences for the children which may be impacting them negatively, and that process includes,
1. Prohibiting children from trying certain things in life
Narcissistic parents expect their children to excel at everything they do. And they do not allow children to perform any such activity which may bring them down and their reputation. Thus prohibiting children from trying certain things in life is one way to control their children.
2. Always teaching their children to play safe and not take challenges
Always teaching their children to play safe and not take challenges is a narcissist’s way to prohibit their children from doing anything which may bring them shame.
3. Dumping their emotional baggage filled with traumatic experiences onto their children
There is no emotional stability when you live with a narcissistic mother or narcissistic parents. They have constant mood swings and emotional waves that a child is unable to understand. So as the child grows older he/she faces a lack of emotional support and constant emotional manipulation. Dumping their emotional baggage filled with traumatic experiences onto their children is their go-to move when everything seems falling apart.
4. Trying their hardest to control their children’s lives
Controlling their children’s lives provides narcissistic parents pleasure and a sense of satisfaction, and makes them special and irreplaceable. Narcissists love when people depend upon them. Narcissistic parents always fear that their children might bring them shame, so they never allow them to do anything freely without their consent.
5. Seeking constant Approval
Narcissistic parents are very insecure and often fear abandonment, so they seek approval of love from their children.
6. Giving constant conditional demands or ultimatums
Intimidating people for their littlest mistakes is a way for narcissists to get what they want. The same goes for narcissistic parents. They would provide many scary conditional demands or ultimatums to tame their young children.
7. Shaming your Preferences
Narcissistic parents have a tendency to never approve or mock their child’s idea, as they think a child should always act as they as. The children of such parents lose self-confidence as they do not have supportive parents.
Do Narcissists Love their Children?
To a narcissistic parent, children are a real means to seek their supply and control them like accessories rather than viewing them in a positive light or appreciating them for whom they are. Thus they expect their children to play all roles, they would expect their children to be their friends when they need a friend in need, and they would consider their children as their punching bags, so whenever they feel down they would just blame their children.
Narcissists are mainly not aware of how they are impacting their children. They are always overconfident regarding their parenting techniques and always overestimate their parenting skills. Narcissists usually feel disappointed, embarrassed, and vexed by their kids. If children do not tend to behave according to their parent’s expectations, they might be so disappointed in them, that they might cut off them or stay disconnected from them.
Narcissists believe that they completely own their children and do not visualize them as separate entities. They do not consider that children also may have their own personalities, and treat them as their personal objects or personal punching bags. A narcissist birth their children so that they can use them for obtaining their supply, and to fulfill expectations and needs that they were not able to.
When narcissists have many children, they assign many roles to children to fulfill their own needs. And among them, one child becomes the Golden child – the one child who is appreciated praised, and often favored by their narcissistic parents. But do not get mistaken, their appreciation for their golden child as love. A golden child is simply a means for narcissistic parents to show off, control, and compare. The golden child is often used as a tool to discourage or demotivate their other children and make them feel guilty for being mediocre or average.
A narcissist may just pretend that they are the best parents, the most loving, and ideal parents that their children that can look up to. They can pretend to love, but their actions would not match their words. No parents could not love their children, but narcissistic parents would only shower love on their children when they require something from them or when they have not Narcissistic parents are so good at playing the pretend game of best parenting, that they can make believe everyone and enhance their image as the best parents ever. But in reality, they might not be the best parents because they do not know the concepts of ideal or requisite parenting.
Can narcissists be good parents? – Why or why not can a narcissist be a good parent?
There is no such definition of ideal parenting, but parents need all kinds of approaches to handle and make their children better versions of themselves. But the most important factors or emotions to be good parents are love, affection, care, understanding, patience, and kindness. Even when a child makes mistakes, then as a part of good parenting, parents would not try to shame their children or would not cut them off completely, instead, they would lay on some form of punishment and related consequences.
No parenting method can be presented as the best method, or no parents can be perfect, but yes a good parenting method includes the parents recognizing the roles they should play to brighten their children’s lives and even teach them the differentiation between being a good empathic person and being evil and corrupt.
But narcissists do not see where they are going wrong with their parenting and thus have many consequences which their children suffer. Narcissists consider themselves to be the best parents and they can take all advantage of their children and do not identify their children as separate identities. Narcissists cannot accept their children as they are, instead, they always keep on forcing them to exceed their skills and outperform their caliber to perform their best. And when children cannot do so, narcissistic parents make them feel guilty, and shameful, embarrass them, and compare them. They might even loathe and execrate their children for not being perfect.
Narcissistic parents would never be able to understand their negative impact on their children and why they might be facing traumatic life experiences because of them. They would never accept their fault or their lack of parenting skills and would keep on blaming their children for being so insufficient and incapable.
Do Narcissists desire or want children?
Narcissists desire or want children to fulfill their own fantasies, desires, and wishes through them. Also, they are a means of obtaining their narcissistic supply so they desire children. They feel that children might help them to fit into the social norms of society, give them power, control, and a sense of entitlement, and make their image better. As narcissists do not do anything to defy society, and thus they have children to make them a perfect fit for society.
In general, Narcissists do not like being bound by rules of matrimony or by boundaries of responsibilities. So marriage, childbearing, making new relations, or taking responsibility are not their usual deals and so they cheat and often bolt away to hide from responsibilities. Thus a narcissist only desires children to make them look a perfect fit for society and also to fulfill their own desires.
How to know whether you are raised by a narcissistic parent or you are a narcissistic parent?
Below mentioned are some of the commonly observed traits of a narcissistic person;
- Are abusive both mentally and verbally.
- All conversations begin with you and end with you.
- Controlling and bragging.
- Are emotionally unavailable.
- Arrogance and anger is your first reaction to any problems.
- Hate changes and also cannot take them well.
- Are self-centric.
- Neglects responsibilities.
- Have unhealthy relations.
- Easily irritated and have drastic mood changes and shifts.
- Are mean when your ways do not work out.
- Blame others for your mistakes.
- Lack of sensitivity and empathy.
- Lack self-awareness.
- Always expect more from others.
- Are highly competitive and always expect more.
- Takes advantage of others easily.
- Cannot take criticism well.
- Can be rude and often do not understand and always try to prove their point in every situation, instead of listening.
How are children of Narcissistic parents affected in Life?
Children raised by narcissistic parents face and go through childhood trauma and are affected in many ways,
- Lack of emotional stability
- Always the victim of manipulative tactics and learn to do so with others too
- Shattered self-esteem
- Lack of empathy and attachment
- Victim of Scapegoating and does same with others
- Lacks unconditional love
- Have trust issues
- Have toxic relationships with people
Inference
A narcissist may just pretend that they are the best parents, the most loving, and ideal parents that their children that can look up to. They can pretend to love, but their actions would not match their words. No parents could not love their children, but narcissistic parents would only shower love on their children when they require something from them or when they have not Narcissistic parents are so good at playing the pretend game of best parenting, that they can make believe everyone and enhance their image as the best parents ever. But in reality, they might not be the best parents because they do not know the concepts of ideal or requisite parenting.
Narcissists desire or want children to fulfill their own fantasies, desires, and wishes through them. Also, they are a means of obtaining their narcissistic supply so they desire children. They feel that children might help them to fit into the social norms of society, give them power, control, and a sense of entitlement, and make their image better. As narcissists do not do anything to defy society, and thus they have children to make them a perfect fit for society.
From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.
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