Having a narcissistic family member around can be difficult so this article is all about Decoding Narcissistic Family Relationships. If you have a narcissistic family member then dealing with them in the most effective and positive ways becomes the first priority rather than confronting and making a mess out of relations. It is very important to understand how a narcissist considers family and what they think about family and on the other hand, how would a family member feels having a narcissist around.
Narcissists can be some of the most difficult people to deal with. If you have to deal with a narcissist in your life without much choice, you might be knowing how difficult it is. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition, where the patient has extremely high admiration for their self which includes boosted self-esteem, self-centeredness, high self-worth, boosted ego, and a low tolerance for criticism, emotions, and attachments.
So dealing carefully, patiently, and smartly with a narcissist becomes important to live your life peacefully around them. It is okay if you have a narcissistic family member, that is not your fault. They are a part of the family so support them in ways when they need your help and also support yourself by distancing. They are your family, but yes personal growth, peace, and wellness are also important. So if you have a narcissist in your life do not worry, just be open to them by drawing certain boundaries, clearing differences, and giving them selective access to you.
Decoding Narcissistic Family Relationships
Often it is observed by mental health experts, that the children raised by narcissists have childhood trauma, which affects their upbringing and also makes the same or even more narcissistic than their parents. Children learn from their parents, so parents would only be passing on narcissistic traits to their children as an inherent quality knowingly or unknowingly, willingly or unwillingly, by choice or without choice. Unless they are guided toward what is right, instead of toxic behavior, there is no way a child will not learn all those narcissistic traits possessed by their Narcissistic parents.
Let us understand, Narcissistic Family Relationships, where we will discuss the different bonds and roles that a narcissist plays as a mother, a partner, as in-laws, and so on. Let us start with how narcissistic parents can affect the upbringing of their children.
Narcissistic parents leave a deep impact on their children which can leave deep scars and childhood trauma. Narcissistic parents leave a deep impact on their children, as they lack emotional bond, their love is conditional, achievements are more important than their child, their needs are a top priority than their child’s, no arguments only agreements without knowing the problem, and much more.
How to know whether you are raised by a narcissistic parent or you are a narcissistic parent?
Below mentioned are some of the commonly observed traits of a narcissistic person;
- Are abusive both mentally and verbally.
- All conversations begin with you and end with you.
- Controlling and bragging.
- Are emotionally unavailable.
- Arrogance and anger is your first reaction to any problems.
- Hate changes and also cannot take them well.
- Are self-centric.
- Neglects responsibilities.
- Have unhealthy relations.
- Easily irritated and have drastic mood changes and shifts.
- Are mean when your ways do not work out.
- Blame others for your mistakes.
- Lack of sensitivity and empathy.
- Lack self-awareness.
- Always expect more from others.
- Are highly competitive and always expect more.
- Takes advantage of others easily.
- Cannot take criticism well.
- Can be rude and often do not understand and always try to prove their point in every situation, instead of listening.
Children and mothers have an inseparable bond, as a mother plays a crucial role in a child’s upbringing. Usually, Mothers play a crucial role in a child’s development. But having a narcissistic mother can have an adverse effect on the children, especially daughters. Let us look at some of the Effects of a Narcissistic Mother on her Daughter; as the daughters are impacted deeply by such behavior of their mother and these few traits may have been inscribed into their children’s behavior too!
What are the Effects of a Narcissistic Mother on her Daughter?
- Always in constant need of approval and praise
- Lack of confidence
- Has the urge to attain perfection to get validation
- Has difficulty expressing themselves
- Has low self-esteem and always living with insecurities
- Has trust issues
- Toxic relationships with people
- Are manipulative
- Cannot take criticism well
- Have Mental health issues
The daughters of narcissistic mothers would lack confidence, would be constantly feared, have low self-esteem, lack care, and love, would feel depressed and neglected, would always have the urge to attain perfection to get validation, and would mostly be prey to narcissism knowingly or unknowingly, willingly or unwillingly. As a narcissistic mother is never satisfied with their daughter’s decisions and choices, this forces their daughters to always achieve the highest in whatever they do near to perfect and always get other people’s validation.
A narcissistic mother can be or would most certainly be biased toward her son and daughter. Would have more expectations from her daughter than from their sons. Would easily forgive their son for his mistake, but would not let go of a daughter’s mistake. Constantly neglected by her mother, and in constant need of approval and praise, the daughter of a narcissistic mother would be just walking on thin ice around her.
Narcissistic mothers may be gender biased and treat their sons differently. They would knowingly or unknowingly behave differently towards them.
- Narcissistic mothers would often brag about their son’s smallest achievements but would not mention anything about their daughter’s achievements.
- Sons are not given many responsibilities, while daughters are expected to manage the house, cook, study, and even take care of the family.
- Narcissistic mothers would easily forgive their son for his mistake, but would not let go of a daughter’s mistake.
- Sons are given utmost importance, praise, and encouragement by their narcissistic mothers. Constantly neglected by her mother, and in constant need of approval and praise, the daughter of a narcissistic mother would be just walking on thin ice around her.
- Sons do not need validation for their actions while daughters need constant validation from their mothers.
- Sons are usually pampered and accepted as they are, while daughters are expected to be perfect at everything they do, to be accepted and loved by their narcissistic mothers.
But in both cases sons and daughters, children of narcissistic parents have low self-esteem, need constant validation, have troubled relationships, and have problems expressing their emotions.
How Are Sons of Narcissistic Mothers Affected in Life?
- Lack of emotional stability
- Always the victim of manipulative tactics and learn to do so with others too
- Shattered self-esteem
- Lack of empathy and attachment
- Victim of Scapegoating and does same with others
- Lacks unconditional love
- Has trust issues
- Toxic relationships with people
There is no emotional stability when you live with a narcissistic mother or narcissistic parents. They have constant mood swings and emotional waves that a child is unable to understand. So as the child grows older he/she faces a lack of emotional support and constant emotional manipulation. For instance, when a narcissistic mother is incapable of earning and catering to the needs of the child, she often blames them for not earning after being capable or of age by doing side jobs or fulfilling their responsibilities even though they might still be studying, especially their sons.
Having a narcissistic family member around can be difficult especially while growing up. Narcissistic parents usually pass on the legacy of narcissistic traits to their children too, which may affect them in negative ways. But narcissism is much wider than this. It is a mental health condition that is inbred or a person just happens to be affiliated with by being in such an atmosphere, among narcissistic people, or just happen to be associated with them somehow.
Growing up with narcissistic siblings can be tough as is. They would make everything about them. You would end up being their mere shadow. Your achievements would be envied and your talents would be overshadowed by their fake entities. They would always try to be the best at everything from being the favorite child to the parents, the adorable and worthy descended of the family, or be it among society.
How to spot a narcissistic sister?
- She always wishes to be the center of attraction or is the elephant in the room
- Everything is just about her
- She would lie recklessly
- She would be jealous of you
- She would think less of you or believe you are less important than her
- She has a sense of entitlement
- She would be inconsiderate of your feelings
- Her behavior would change when someone is around other than you
A narcissistic sister would behave differently around others, but when everyone is not around and it is just her and you, she would reveal her narc side and manipulate you. When a narcissistic sister gets envious of you, she would choose rivalry or humiliate you before your family members or friends, or acquaintances when you make them jealous or surpass their expertise. Narcissistic sisters would lie effortlessly when you ask the doubting something.
Even though your narcissistic brother is a part of your family and no doubt you love him despite his nasty personality traits, you need your safe space where you can disconnect from his trauma and negativity from time to time.
How to Deal with a Narcissistic Brother?
- Set firm boundaries
- Focus on your choices
- Seek help and support whenever required
- Do not confront them head on
- Do not give in to their improper behavior
- Avoid arguments or heated situations
- Disconnecting from him from time to time
When you live with a narcissistic brother, every situation or every move is about them. They chose what they want but also what you would want. While dealing with a Narcissistic sibling, confrontation is always risky and a not-so-good idea unless you may want to create uninvited trouble for yourself.
Narcissists can be some of the most difficult people to deal with. If you have to deal with a narcissist in your life without much choice, you might be knowing how difficult it is. In-laws play a big part in your married life, but what if in-laws also become one of the reasons for your unhappiness? In-laws have an impression of being tough to deal with, and it becomes even harder when you have to deal with narcissistic in-laws, especially a narcissistic Mother-in-Law. Just imagine all the toil and troubles you might be facing or are about to face.
What are some of the toxic traits of a Narcissistic Mother-in-Law?
- She is controlling and overpowering
- No matter how hard you try, whatever you do you are unable to impress her
- From a distance, the hills are ravishing; she might seem very pleasing at first
- She would be interfering in your married life, even controlling your partner
- She would tell made-up tales and lies about you
- She would not help you
- She criticizes your parenting style and lifestyle choices
- Your ideas, opinions, and achievements are completely disregarded by her
- You would be walking on eggshells around her
If you are dealing with narcissistic in-laws, then you might probably be ranting about some of the traits and qualities they possess. You might even start doubting your sanity and your ability to maintain healthy relationships, but in reality, it would be them who might be having troubles like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Knowing more about narcissistic in-laws and especially a narcissistic Mother-in-Law might help you to get justifications for all their nasty behavior and tactics they might have played in your marriage. Know more about narcissism.
When you are newly married, you have anxiety and uneasiness adjusting and being liked by the family members; especially your mother-in-law and her daughter, that is your sister-in-law. And if you come across narcissistic family members then your life can be a little difficult, as narcissists give a very hard time adjusting.
When you are new to the family, you wish to mix up easily, and also your partner wishes the same. But what if your family members do not like you? What if they are toxic and give you a hard time? Mothers-in-law and sisters-in-law can be potential perils when you are newly married.
How to deal with a Narcissistic Sister-in-Law?
- Keep your safe distance from her
- Involve your partner
- Try to be as calm as possible while dealing with her
- Broaden your views and try to understand her viewpoint
- They might be competitive but you stay put and let them know there is no competition
- Realize that you are dealing with a narcissist or know more about narcissism
- Set your boundaries
- Do not be suppressed by their wrongdoings, speak for yourself
- Be obligated when she does something good for you
- Do not confront your Narcissistic Sister-in-Law
- Maintain some boundaries even for your private life
Instead of confronting a narcissistic family member, especially an in-law and specifically a Narcissistic Sister-in-Law, you should learn to deal with them or cope with them, which can bring peace, happiness, and better bonding.
Do not try to get close to her more than required, do not blindly allow her to take an advantage of you just for the sake of the relationship, do not let her dominate all situations, do not tolerate her nasty behavior all the time, maintain your peace by keeping a safe distance from Narcissistic In-Laws by setting some firm boundaries from the beginning.
Now, about a Narcissistic daughter-in-law, can either make or break a family. Let us know further.
Daughters-in-Law play an important part in shaping your family tree, and also they are the ones who might bring big changes, adding more responsibilities to the family and shaping an image of your family out in the community.
How to Cope With a Narcissistic Daughter-in-Law?
- Do not try to take the authority, instead just follow her rules
- Do not give her advice or even try to work your way with her
- Try to be as pleasant as possible with her, but avoid being over-friendly or nosy
- Be in the grey space (safe space); do not take sides
- Do not visit them unannounced
- Set your boundaries
- Acceptance is the key
- Knowing more about Narcissism
- Be obligated when she does something good for you
- Do not confront your Narcissistic Daughter-in-Law
It is impossible to expect changes in the case of a Narcissistic Daughter-in-Law, so learn to work your way out without giving in to their manipulative tactics, do not let it harm your relationship with your child or grandchildren, and remember, “Ignorance is bliss” so disconnect from her toxicity, let go of hurtful and unwanted trauma, comments, moments, and focus on how to make your life merrier even with their presence.
Being well aware of almost all relationships now, but what about a narcissistic partner? Let us know further,
From a parent’s perspective, when your child or you yourself have chosen a narcissistic partner to spend the rest of your lives with, and when you also know such a narcissistic person can be troublesome; do not nitpick it. There is not much left that can be done here. You as a third person between them as parents would be the bad person here if you try to confront them about this. Your child is an adult and has made their choices, so rather than confronting them about this, you better cope with the situation that you are put in.
Dealing with a narcissistic partner can be very difficult in the beginning, but with the passage of time, either you get USD o it or you might leave that person. Even your parents et worried about you but there is not much left for anyone to interfere, it is either you who need to deal straight on with a narcissistic partner or just leave them. Yes but you can always get a payback from your narcissistic partner, by either pissing them off, making them miserable as they make you, getting revenge on them, or making them regret when you leave.
You can beat a narcissist in their own game by just a few simple steps like not validating them, ignoring them, not seeking their advice, dismissing what they say, throwing facts straight at their face, proving them incorrect, not giving them attention, crushing their ego, scoop their original personality right in from them, outrun supply, and a few more. These are some of the ways in which you can confound a narcissist in their own game by using certain tactics which can piss them off easily.
As this saying goes, the person who hurts just forgets it and moves on, but the person who gets hurt indeed remembers vividly. Narcissists just move on or end things abruptly without providing any justifications for their actions. It is you who is left behind without a proper closure. So remember this, get the awaited closure you deserve and move on with your happiness. Everyone deserves mental peace and happiness. So at some point and sometimes you need to act against a narcissist and seek revenge when you are done with their constant manipulation and use their tactics against them.
Ways To Get Revenge on a Narcissist
- No revenge is revenge itself
- Ignoring them
- Keep yourself busy in self-care
- Going no contact or cutting complete contact
- Denying or saying no
- Criticizing them
- Make new friends or date different people
- Do not beseech them
- Taking away control and authority from them
- Piss them off
- Resenting them
- Cut complete ties with them
- Give importance to self-love
If seeking revenge with a narcissist would do you any good then do it. But if you love your mental peace and happy life, just leave a narcissist behind and move on.
Sometimes, Seeking revenge might lead to a narcissist taking an act of revenge on you, which can be ruinous for you. So think before you take a step further toward seeking revenge.
You can beat a narcissist in their own game and make them miserable by just a few simple steps like not validating them, ignoring them, not seeking their advice, dismissing what they say, throwing facts straight at their face, proving them incorrect, not giving them attention, crushing their ego, scoop their original personality right in from them, outrun supply, and a few more. These are some of the ways in which you can confound a narcissist in their own game and can make them miserable as these tactics can easily throw them off the track.
Moving onto the most crucial question, that you always think about while dealing with a narcissist, is there any chance that a narcissist may change?
Can a narcissist ever change?
Narcissists do change a little from time to time, as change is inevitable for everyone, but their core personality and traits would remain the same, and also the changes can be only surface level. So before you decide or agree to date them, or get involved with them somehow, just remember the positive changes that you might notice can be short-termed or surface-level changes, they might return to how they used to be in a short time once they have your attention.
So instead of dating them, you can test their patience by playing it hard to get. By not fulfilling their needs of ego boosts, praise, or attention, and definitely by not giving them control. These are the ways that can intimidate a narcissist and they indeed start missing you, value you, and have the slightest chance of having a fulfilled relationship.
How to make a Narcissist Miss You and Regret Losing You?
There are ways in which you can make a narcissist miss you and regret it when you leave. So let us know them,
- Make new friends or date different people
- Going no contact or cutting complete contact
- Do not worry about what would a narcissist think
- Understand that there is no remorse when dealing with a narcissist
- Choose self-care
- Let the narcissist know what they are missing when they are not with you
- By not seeking a revenge
It is impossible to expect changes in the case of a Narcissist in your life, so learn to work your way out with them without giving in to their manipulative tactics, do not let it harm your relationship with other family members, and remember, “Ignorance is bliss” so disconnect from their toxicity, let go of hurtful and unwanted trauma, comments, moments, and focus on how to make your life merrier even with their presence.
It is okay if you have a narcissist in your life, that is not your fault. They are part of the family so support them in ways when they need help and also support yourself by distancing. They are your family, but yes personal growth, peace, and wellness are also important. So if you have a narcissist in your life do not worry, just be open to them by drawing certain boundaries, clearing differences, and not being always available for them to seek an advantage and always watch out for more red flags as having a progressive relationship is important.
Focusing on positivity, healing, and connecting with other people can help to cope with trauma. Do not compare and just letting go of things and situations can also help a lot. Focusing on yourself, your growth, your interests, and lastly your mental health; is the most crucial part.