Why does the Narcissist want to be Friends with an Ex? A narcissist is usually known as someone who just values their own needs, emotions, feelings, and well-being over the needs and feelings of other people. So what does the scene look like when a narcissist wants to be friends with an ex? Do narcissists wish to be friends with an ex-partner or there is some self-centered motive behind the friendship? Let us get to know the real reason for the question, “Why does the Narcissist want to be Friends with an Ex?”.
The narcissistic ex might actually seem mature firstly when they ask you to be friends even after breaking up with you, but little do you know their ill intentions behind befriending their exes. They would actually not care about the friendship, but would just care about the benefits of befriending an ex, procuring their narcissistic supply, and taking the utmost advantage of the friendship.
On one hand, the narcissistic ex might miss you, but they would actually miss how you made them feel with your presence. Narcissist is capable of feelings and emotions, but they are so full of themselves that they do not want to understand anybody else’s emotions. They would miss how their ego was satisfied by being with you and how they used to feel good around you as you were the one they would drain energy from. They would not want to leave their exes completely so they would befriend them instead of completely discarding them.
Why does the Narcissist want to be Friends with an Ex?
It is a common feeling of having separation anxiety and feeling lonely after a breakup or when a romantic relationship ends, but not with everyone. Some individuals; especially Narcissistic individuals can not bear the consequences of breaking that separation part and hence decide to befriend their exes, not because they would miss them or something but because they would do so to continuously seek advantage of their exes in one way or the other and hence they would not be willing to leave their exes somehow. Such individuals maintain friendships out of some sort of compulsion.
This effort of maintaining a friendship with an ex might seem cordial and mature at first glance, but in reality, it is all about maintaining control and ensuring that the ex-partner remains a source of attention and validation. Narcissism or Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition, where the patient has extremely high admiration for themselves, including boosted self-esteem, self-centeredness, high self-worth, boosted ego, and a low tolerance for criticism, emotions, and attachments.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by a lack of empathy for others, a grandiose sense of self-importance, and an immoderate need for admiration. Narcissists often believe that they are entitled to special treatment, and they tend to exploit others to fulfill their needs. The disorder typically develops in early adulthood and can persist throughout a person’s life.
Referring to the context of romantic relationships, narcissists expect their partners to cater to their every need, desire and wish and always seek affirmation to maintain their grandiose self-image constantly. They also wish that their ex remains a source of their validation, admiration, and attention even after ending the relationship.
Reasons why a Narcissist would want to be friends with an ex
Why does the Narcissist want to be Friends with an Ex? Let us know some detailed reasons here below,
To maintain their control
Narcissists thrive by controlling everyone around them. They often wish to maintain control over their ex-partners even after breaking up. By remaining friends, narcissists just want to ensure their influence and manipulation love their ex-partners, hence they would do anything to maintain control over their exes. it is their way to keep tabs on their ex-partners and also exert their control on this newfound friendship with the ex-partners.
By staying in touch with their exes, the narcissists wish to insert themselves into their social circle, and in a way, they can ensure that they have access to their exes. Keeping in touch with exes, allows the narcissist to keep their exes in positions of vulnerability and uncertainty, which makes it even easier to manipulate them.
To continue their pursuit
Narcissists are master manipulators, and they may stay friends with an ex-partner as a way to continue pursuing them. They may use this so-called friendship as a pretext to test the potential and possibilities of them getting back together with you if needed. In times of need, the narcissist may even try to reconcile and resume the romantic relationship with their exes. A narcissist is always in search of supply, so a Narcissist would always want you to continue as friends even after breaking the relationship as romantic partners, so this depends upon you whether to be their victim again by accepting their offer.
To keep their source of attention and validation
Narcissistic individuals are always seeking attention and validation and staying friends with an ex-partner allows them to continue receiving the needed validation and attention. They may use this opportunity of befriending exes to keep a check on their lives or even day-to-day experiences. By maintaining access to their ex-partner’s life, the narcissist can ensure that they remain a subject of attention and thus they are able to reinforce their grandiose self-image.
Narcissists have a tendency to use people for their needs and desires. They just seek attention and control. Sometimes, they ought to keep in touch with their exes even and also do not hesitate to lure them into new relationships despite their commitment to their life partner.
To keep toying with their exes
Narcissists would often toy with their exes as a power play to satisfy their own egos. They love the feeling of dominance and power over the people, and thus they keep toying with their exes. After breaking up, narcissists still check your vulnerabilities, by toying with your emotions thus making their exes emotionally attached to them. By toying, they ensure the continuity of their toxic cycle of abuse, and manipulation, and use them for their own benefit.
Doing so, also gives them a sense of superiority, as they believe that they would still be able to make their exes chase them and also play along with their games. The ultimate goal for a narcissist is to gain attention and control, and thus toying with their exes gives them a sense of both.
For keeping tabs on their exes
Keeping tabs means checking on their exes and keeping a track of their activities. Narcissists often do this to ensure that their exes are not getting ahead of them. When they feel their ex is at the most vulnerable time of their life they would bounce back to secure supply from them.
They are not yet ready to believe that the relationship has ended
Narcissists often have difficulty accepting the fact that their partner has left them and that the reason for their partner’s actions is them. Narcissists go into denial mode, where they refuse to accept that the relationship is over. They may continue to contact their ex-partner and try to continuously persuade them to come back. When a narcissist’s partner breaks up with them, the narcissist’s reactions can vary depending on the individual’s personality and level of narcissism.
They would want to keep a door open for physical intimacy
A Narcissist craves physical intimacy, and when you are the most vulnerable (that is after your break up) they would insist that upon you. They would not tell you this upfront but would try to lure you for physical intimacy as soon as you try to recover from a breakup. They will play all sorts of love tactics to manipulate you and your thoughts just to keep you as an option for intimacy. It also can be like a “Friends with benefits” situation. But once they get what they want to achieve, again they would show their true colors, so it is really up to you whether you want them to abuse you or start denying their wishes.
Narcissists have an elevated sense of entitlement which makes them feel superior and allows them to behave as they wish without considering anyone’s feelings. Sometimes their conduct may even cross the social bounds of society. They are desire-driven beings who let their desires, lust, and pleasure control them.
They cannot watch their exes happy with somebody else
Narcissists have a boosted sense of self-importance and a deep need for admiration and attention from others. They also have a lack of empathy and can be highly competitive and jealous. Watching their exes’ happiness can trigger feelings of jealousy, fear, and inferiority. Narcissists totally envy that you are happy without them. They feel that they are losing their importance in your life. They are scared that you can also be independently happy without them. They also struggle to see others succeed where they have failed and may feel like they have been replaced, which can be a blow to their self-esteem. They may view this as a threat to their ego.
Because they are aware of the fact that you might take them back
Narcissists often believe that they are better than everyone else and that their ex-partner cannot find anyone who matches their level of superiority. They also try to manipulate their ex-partner by making them feel guilty or responsible for the breakup. Narcissists often lack empathy and fail to understand the real reasons behind the breakup. They may also believe that their charm and manipulation skills can win their ex-partner back. Narcissists take advantage of the vulnerabilities of their exes, and thus they believe that if they demand getting back together, their exes might readily agree for the same.
When they are not getting their narcissistic supply from somewhere else
Narcissistic supply is one of the prime reasons for them to date commit to a relationship. They do not have love as the first priority, their first priority is obtaining their supply, once they drain you completely out of supply they would leave you or might still have you as their backup source of supply. They have a tendency to keep a stock of supply, from potential suppliers like their exes, old friends, or even family members. Narcissists are supply junkies. They are so much dependent on the source of supply for validation that they are ready to compromise their self-opinionated self.
What does it mean to be a Narcissist?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is distinguished by grandiosity, a lack of empathy for others, and a need for validation, adoration, and admiration from others. People with Narcissistic Personality Development tend to believe that they are special, unique, and entitled to special and uncommon treatment. There is no doubt that these individuals like to be the center of attention.
Narcissists are often difficult to deal with because they have an inflated sense of self-worth that permeates every aspect of their lives. They may feel entitled, arrogant, and self-centered, and their behavior can be highly unpredictable, causing chaos and dysfunction in personal and professional relationships. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition, where the patient has extremely high admiration for themselves, including boosted self-esteem, self-centeredness, high self-worth, boosted ego, and a low tolerance for criticism, emotions, and attachments.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by a lack of empathy for others, a grandiose sense of self-importance, and an immoderate need for admiration. Narcissists often believe that they are entitled to special treatment, and they tend to exploit others to fulfill their needs. The disorder typically develops in early adulthood and can persist throughout a person’s life. While Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is notoriously difficult to treat, it is essential to address the disorder as early as possible to prevent those affected from inflicting emotional harm on themselves and others.
Is it worth it to be friends with the narcissist ex?
It ultimately depends on everyone’s personal situation and how comfortable they are with maintaining a friendship with a narcissistic ex.
If you have healed from the narcissistic abuse, then not getting back with the narcissist might be your choice as healing seems to be a long process, and again going back to the abuse and manipulation would be a total waste of it. If you feel you are strong enough emotionally, and mentally and would be able to set clear boundaries with your narcissistic ex, then maintaining a friendship might not be an issue.
Also cutting ties with an abusive narcissistic ex and moving on without a friendship may be a healthier option for a person’s emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Viewing and understanding all the red flags, and staying far from them seems to be a viable option for your healing from the manipulation. Also one can consider seeking therapy from mental health experts, or also rely on family members to take an important decision of getting back with the toxic ex.
Narcissists are selfish and mean and this is the most important aspect to consider before getting into a friendship with them after breaking up. They would like to befriend their exes for their own benefit and it is highly unlikely that they would be genuinely interested in maintaining friendship with exes.