Why Do Narcissists Always Come Back to Old Relationships? (Actual Reason)
Why Do Narcissists Always Come Back to Old Relationships? If you have ever been in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, then you might be well aware of them coming back to you even after breaking up. You might have faced hoovering and them convincing you to get back with them. But have you ever wondered, why they do so?
The prime reason why narcissists jump from relationship to relationship is their urge to obtain the maximum amount of narcissistic supply. They usually trap their victims into their manipulative games by using techniques such as narcissistic projection, love bombing, and showing a fake desirable future to retain their new relationship to obtain the maximum narcissistic supply.
Narcissistic relationships change with the weather you can say. But not in all cases. Though some narcissists choose to stick with someone they really like, not most narcissists do so.
Contemplating a relationship with a narcissist
A relationship with a narcissist might feel equal in the initial stages, but during the later stages, it might feel like you are the only giver in the relationship as they only receive and give very less. They take you as a negligible take. You might always be acting as their support, but they would be MIA(Missing in action) while you need them. Having a relationship with a narcissist is difficult because they would disregard your presence in their life until they need you.
Dating a narcissist is very puzzling as you cannot figure at what stage of dating you are at while you are with them. You cannot put all pieces of a puzzle together while dating a narcissist as their behavior is different every time and as they please. They also easily get bored with their partners, and often have a habit of switching partners.
Narcissists can easily charm people initially but are unable to remain or sustain relationships for a long time. Narcissistic relationships are transactional, meaning they only know to receive to they are always found on the receiving side. They would give some part of attention and admiration to that person if the other person is providing their complete dedication, attention, adoration, and validation to them.
Narcissistic behavior depends upon the individual that you are dealing with. A person’s behavior varies based on their degree of narcissism also the environment they have been brought up and also on an individual’s choice. Thus not all narcissists are not same. Some narcissists would continue to follow the usual habit of switching their partners, in order to seek new victims for obtaining their narcissistic supply.
But with some narcissists, it is not the same, as they find it difficult to approach new people every time to date or pursue a romantic relationship with as they find the complete process of getting to know each other, spending time, and making efforts for their partner and thus they prefer to keep going back to their old partner due to familiarity and experience.
They feel casual relationships are better rather than committing. So whenever their partners force them into commitments they would always go back to their exes to seek comfort. Thus they always go back to their old partners despite the discard or rejection. Such narcissists do not seek new partners every now and then, instead, they keep dating their old partners in a loop.
Why Do Narcissists Always Come Back to Old Relationships?
A narcissist’s charming and persuasive personality makes it difficult for their partners to break up with them. Even if a narcissist breaks up with you, or it is you who is the initiator, a narcissist holds the power to convince you to take them back into the relationship. There are a few possible reasons why a narcissist might always return to their old relationships, which are mentioned below,
Narcissists lack consistency in the relationships
Narcists are not consistent with their relationships, meaning they would just forget about you and abandon the thoughts about you, the minute you walk out of the relationship.
Narcissists cannot connect emotionally with their partners, and it becomes more and more distinct if the narcissist and their partners are not in the same proximity.
So once their partner leaves them, they would just abandon the good and positive thoughts, feelings, and memories with their partner and immediately those positive feelings would get converted into disappointment, despair, and hatred.
Thus this makes a narcissistic relationship different from a normal one. Narcissists leave their partners when they feel they would not be able to seek a narcissistic supply and also if their partner has caused some sort of inconvenience.
After getting hurt emotionally a narcissist prefers to go back to their previous or old partners rather than approaching someone new. This may also be a temporary step, but narcissists would seek consolation by going back to someone they’re already familiar with as they would not have to make many efforts.
Narcissists are confident that you will definitely take them back into the relationship
Narcissists have this typical belief that they are too good for any of their partners and everyone would regret losing them. So under this belief, a narcissist would not only approach their old partners but that too with full confidence that their partners would readily accept them back.
Narcissists think too highly of themselves and also feel that nobody would refuse to accept back such a magnetic and charming personality. They disregard everyone else’s feelings and emotions and only think of themselves.
They also have a potential belief that you(their partner) would hardly be able to find someone better or equal to them and thus they build a strong belief that their old partners would absolutely accept them into relationships once they approach them.
So when a narcissist is done with their current relationship, they would run back to their old partner, with the hope and belief of them accepting back due to their magnetic and charming personalities which anyone can hardly deny.
But do not get swayed here and remember that they are still the same toxic personality, who you used to date previously, and their reapproaching changes nothing in the relationship. They are not in love with you all of a sudden, they are just using you as a correspondence based on experience and familiarity they had with you when you used to date them.
Narcissists are great manipulators
Narcissists are great manipulators and are also good people pleasers and thus they hold the power to make them act according to them. They can easily manipulate people and bewitch them with their charm.
A narcissist would resort to many tactics to lure you once again into the toxic relationship, and here are those tricks that they use to lure you,
Love Bombing
Love Bombing is a love attack on a particular target victim. It is an act of extreme display of love. It is an exaggerated display of love which is usually considered toxic and unhealthy for a successful relationship. In an unhealthy relationship love bombing technique is often taken into practice to cover up mistakes, to recover the lost relationships, or when anything goes wrong, or to manipulate the partner with the help of lovey-dovey or cheezy words, actions, and loud effective gestures.
Hoovering
When you end a relationship with a narcissist, it is just not over there. You would finally be taking a breath of relief, as you are out of the narcissist’s toxic and abusive relationship cycle, but get ready to be burdened again by the narcissist’s manipulation and persuasion as the relationship is just not over yet.
Narcissists use this persuasive tactic called hoovering, where they lure their victims; victims include their ex-romantic partners or life partner if any. Once you break up with a narcissist, or they discard you, it is not yet over in many cases. Even though it is the narcissist who has discarded you, that does not matter, they would approach you if they need you.
Projection
Projection means a justification of one’s action by accusing or pointing fingers at others. It is a reaction or a repulse action that is an outcome of one’s guilt, wrongdoing, or something that one is not proud of in particular or is not ready to accept or reflect on self. This makes it easy to deal with a difficult situation, without much remorse.
Mirroring
A Narcissist person craves attention all the time, lacks care and empathy, can be rude and blunt, ignores other people’s feelings, and has troubled relationships. Narcissists can play mind tricks and manipulate you. They can easily manipulate you by mirroring any personality trait that you desire and deceiving you.
Flattery
Narcissists are smooth talkers. They can easily lure you into their trap of toxicity using flattery and words of affirmation, that you would eventually fall for them once again. Narcissists have this charismatic personality that they can make you fall head over heels for their engaging personalities once again. Nobody can beat narcissists at words when they are firm on their decision to get back with you. They would make it look like love, whereas it is just a gesture hidden behind the fake facade of false promises and not-so-good intentions.
Out of Genuine Care
In many cases, a narcissist would come back out of genuine care and love for that person. When a narcissist discards their partner and moves on to the next catch, in some cases they realize that they genuinely liked or loved their ex and no partner can match the synergy of their ex-partner and thus they decide to approach their old partner based on those lingering feelings.
Can a Narcissist genuinely like or love you?
A narcissist is capable of feeling all emotions, it is just that they d not acknowledge them and express them due to their vulnerabilities. They fear expressing emotions can make them emotionally weak and vulnerable to their partner. They fear that once they surrender to their feelings they might lose control.
Maybe narcissists have a different definition of love or they are different in approach to love. As their relationships are based on transactions (i.e. until they can gain from you)they may never truly understand the normal meaning of love as we all perceive and expect. They may love you in the way that they understand love.
If you are willing to accept their terms of love then you can have a sustainable relationship with a narcissist. You may also not reach a dating stage sometimes with a narcissist where love or emotional bonding is required as narcissists are incapable of having long-term relationships. So when a narcissist reapproaches you, think twice before you react to their actions.
Even though they may be genuine regarding their feelings, you might have to bear with the consequences, toxicity, and abusive relationship with them. So if you also genuinely feel for the narcissist in your life, then you may accept their proposal of getting back together.
Why do Narcissists recycle their exes?
As per the common conceptions regarding a narcissist, they would seem to reconnect with their previous partners due to their egoistic personalities. But it is not true. Narcissists love repetitiveness in their behavior. They love a repetitive lifestyle which also includes going back to their exes, when they feel lonely, abandoned, or need comfort.
Narcissists are most likely to back to their old partners than they would choose not to. It is a natural instinct to seek comfort and the same feeling that they had with their old partners. And also it is a known fact that narcissists are tough to deal with and they are also very well of that fact. Thus they would recycle their exes by going back to them instead of choosing a new partner.
How would victims of narcissistic abuse feel after they are rekindled by their narcissistic ex?
The old partners whom the narcissist once left for someone better might feel anxious, confused, and also a little happy when a narcissist decides to rekindle them. They might be confused regarding the narcissist’s re-entry into their life.
Some might even be terrified as they would not want to go through the trauma once again. Some might have built super strong boundaries, that they would not even allow the narcist to peek into their life which is finally healed after all the trauma that the narcissist made them suffer through. So this incident can be happy for those who really loved the narcissist and can be an unpleasant incident if one has finally decided to move on from the abusive relationship and made up a mind regarding that.
Why would a Narcissist come back after breaking up with you?
There are various reasons for a narcissist to come crawling back to you, which are mentioned here, so even though a narcissist breaks up with you they would want to keep you as a backup as their supply source. Though coming back totally is based upon their personal choices, they would want to get back with their old partners for,
- A narcissist never wants to lose control over you – When a Narcissist loses control over you, they feel empty. A Narcissist is an individual who is excessively obsessed to have control over all situations in their life. So when they lose control over you they feel something is missing. So they would definitely want to continue the relationship, even after breaking up with their exes.
- They always want to keep you as a backup option – A narcissist is always searching for supply, so a Narcissist would always want you to continue the relationship even after breaking up, as you might be a source or a backup option for their narcissistic supply.
- They would want to keep a door open for physical intimacy – A Narcissist craves physical intimacy, and when you are the most vulnerable (that is after your break up) they would insist that upon you. They would not tell you this upfront but would try to lure you for physical intimacy as soon as you try to recover from a breakup. They will play all sorts of love tactics to manipulate you and your thoughts just to keep you as an option for intimacy.
- Lack of closure – Narcissists would just be MIA(Missing in Action) keeping you completely uninformed and they would return as if nothing ever happened and the relationship continues the same way before. They would lure you into believing that you never broke up, which would make you question who dumped whom, or “Is this really happening?”. So make sure you provide them a complete closure or they would be coming back for sure.
How long it would take narcissists to reappear in your life after dumping you or being dumped?
There is no specific time that can be provided as an assurance, for this particular question. It can take a week, a month, a year, or just a few days to come back into your life. There is no specific time. They may not even come back if they have really moved on or found a new partner. When they are out of supply, that is when they contact you.
Narcists would not make the effort to find a new supply, so in such cases, they would come back to their ex rather than deal with the hassles of finding a new supply.
Narcissists would check in with your vulnerabilities and when they see you struggling or in hardships that is when they would lure you again. They would come back in your weaker or rough times so that you easily accept them again, forgetting the toxic memories of the abusive past you had with them.
Important Takeaway
It totally depends upon you whether to accept the narcissist back, let them take advantage of you, rekindle the toxic relationship or just deny them access to you after all that they have put you through. Also, not all narcissists might come back to their old partners, so if you are still hoping for your narcissistic ex to back to you then please move on with your life as probably by now the narcissist might have found someone new and they might not come back this time.
Also dating a narcissist can be the most difficult yet effective kind of relationship. Narcissistic relations can be sometimes good but in a bad way. Toxic relationships are like slow poison. So think carefully before you reenter one.
From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.
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