Let us unveil the truth and mystery behind the conundrum of the Narcissist And Second Marriage. What are the mysteries of a narcissist remarrying? Do narcissists rush to re-marry? Do narcissists remarry without giving it a second thought? Let us know further.
Narcissists are perceived as someone who might cheat on their partners skillfully, yet we find them moving on with their lives after they get a divorce or part ways with their partners. Remmarying is just an escape for the narcissist as they cannot survive without their narcissistic supply. Partners are a means for narcissists to get their supply and thus they opt to get remarried, once they get a divorce from their previous partners.
When you picture a narcissist, you immediately think of someone who has no compassion, or empathy, is self-obsessed, cheats and lies, and constantly seeks attention, adoration, and validation. So how can someone with such a toxic history get remarried?
Narcissists are afraid of commitments, so what makes them rush into marrying and remarrying? Narcissists lack intimacy, warmth, understanding, and commitment, and thus they are not suitable partners to get married to. Despite all the negativity and toxicity, narcissists rush into getting married, remarried, and so on. But why?
Why does the Narcissist get Married or remarried? – The Narcissist And Second Marriage
Narcissists have serious motives, throughout their lives. They don’t do anything without motives, especially taking such significant steps as getting married. So when a narcissist rushes into getting married or remarrying just know that they have some stone-clad motives. It is sure that they have something in it when they rush to get married once or more than once.
There can be various aspects as to why narcissists get married. Those aspects could be power, control, money, fame, friends, assets, or anything; but there is always something in it for them behind the motive of them getting married once or more than once.
Remember that there is always something in it when narcissists make such decisions of being committed to someone.
Let us know more precise reasons,
Fear of Being Alone
Narcissists do not like being alone. They are people who manage their lives on the basis of external validation, attention, and admiration. So when they divorce their partner, they might rush into getting married once more, even if that means being with someone who is not their ideal type in the form of a life partner.
Narcissists might think that having any relationship is better than having no relationship at all. Narcissists fear that being alone might threaten their sense of control and power. They constantly need someone who can reassure their life conduct, appreciate their existence, praise their achievements, respect them, and provide them admiration no matter what they do. So without getting assurance, a narcissist would start feeling anxious about their presence and feel lonely.
When they are alone, they may fight their internal conflicts, would feel lonely and empty as they are fake and empty from within. They are not really able to receive their true selves and true emotions, and thus they fear being alone.
As narcissists themselves are shallow, they always expect a lot from their partners. They depend on their partners to receive unrequited love, care, attachment, dependency, and warmth. Thus their “fear of being alone” would push them into multiple marriages.
The need to establish control and power
Narcissists have an unappeasible urge to gain power and control. This urge may motivate them to go for a second marriage. Narcissists enjoy the idea when someone is dependent on them and use this chance to establish dominance over their partners.
A Narcissist’s search for control and power is always in progress, hence they might plunge into their next marriage when they divorce their previous partners. Narcissists might isolate their partners and manipulate them into believing that they are being possessive, but in reality, it is indeed them being manipulative to keep their new partner’s interest intact.
Narcissists might go out of their usual ways to secure control power and domination, and thus may get into multiple relationships or commitments. Also, they know that they are great with everything hence they are always eager to receive that validation from someone in the form of their life partner.
Need for Validation and Attention
Narcissists require much more than just attention. They seek adoration and validation along with attention. They care so much about how others perceive them, their choices, their fulfillment in life, their partners, how adorable they look in the eyes of other people, how their social image and how their presence just lightens up the room, how their ideas are validated by others and how impressed others get by their grandiosity and also prove that they can find the best partners to showoff their magnificence.
Narcissists cannot be just satisfied by a little attention they require a lot more than that, thus they need someone permanently in their life in the form of their partner to gain attention, validation, and adoration.
Some narcissists may rush into getting married one more time after their first marriage fails just to prove that they can prosper in love one more time. Some narcissists remarry to gain better partners than their previous ones, just to boost their self-image and status.
Thus whatever the motive may be behind their second marriage, there is always a deep-rooted desire to gain attention, admiration, and validation from their partners.
Do Narcissists Remarry Quickly?
Narcissists consider themselves extraordinary and remarkable. They feel that they are above average than most of the people as others are common compared to them. They think that they are special, entitled, and great, and thus they need someone to understand their worth in their life.
Narcissist relations are transactional and mostly a way to show off their grandiosity. They like to associate with people who can address and fulfill their utility of being high-status and worthy. They would always choose who would influence their high-end image, and add to their grandeur.
Narcissists evaluate people according to their personal needs, urges, and utilities. Narcissists choose their relationships, friendships, or any relationship they get into on how well these relationships might fulfill their goals and how well the other person is able to provide them narcissistic supply.
Narcissists choose to develop relationships with people who are superior, unique, attractive, great, and worthy. This way they ensure that by being with such extraordinary people may attract a great amount of attention in the form of a narcissistic supply.
Challenges of getting into a second marriage with Narcissists
Second marriages with narcissists can be unhealthy and toxic. Thus there are some common challenges that you may face when you face while getting into a second marriage with a narcissist,
Lack of Empathy and Intimacy
Narcissists form superficial bonds, that are based on transactional relations. They often form shallow relationships with people with whom they are associated intimately. Their bonds may seem intimate initially, but with the passage of time the reality may hit you and you may be able to see the reality of the relationship that you have formed with them.
So when you try to form an intimate or a closer bond with them, they might resist it or just feign ignorance. They might not portray this directly as that would present them as someone not interested. They might present themselves in a light that may make them seem vulnerable. Their resistance to forming a deeper connection is a sign of emotional unavailability that you might not want in a marriage.
Risk of Abuse
Abuse is not only that which is physical and that is visible. Abuse can come in many forms. It may range from physical abuse to authoritarian dominance. When you have had a narcissistic partner in the past, abuse can take as many forms as possible, from emotional to physical. This abuse is often known as a narcissistic cycle of abuse as it is repetitive and never-ending. Narcissistic abuse may come in many forms and shapes.
Narcissistic abuse often gets overlooked, or just starts to feel normal after a while as narcissists manipulate their victims and blindfold them virtually with their sweet, charming, and fake personalities, so much so that they are no longer able to draw differences between healthy and unhealthy behavior. Thus narcissistic abuse may not be visible that vividly as it may be more inclined to a subtle form of abuse, but it is like slow poison for the victims which may tear them down emotionally.
Difficulty Building Trust
Trust is the thread that keeps the relationship between two people secured and connected from both ends. However, building trust with a narcissist can be difficult as they are self-centered and act as per their wishes and desires. Thus it becomes difficult for the partners to build trust with them.
Narcissists have difficulty communicating with their partners, which also makes it difficult for them to form a secure and trustworthy bond with them.
Narcissistic behavior includes fakeness, infidelity, and lack of empathy makes it difficult for their partners to maintain a successful relationship with the narcissist.
How long can a Narcissist Stay Married?
Maybe narcissists have a different definition of love or marriage or they are different in their approach to marriage. As their relationships are based on transactions (i.e. until they can gain from you)they may not willingly try or would never truly understand the normal meaning of love as you may perceive and expect. They may love you in the way that they understand love.
As long as their partner is trying to cope with all the abuse and toxicity of the relationship with the narcissist, the relationship might function smoothly, with you making almost all sacrifices, keeping your voice down, following the narcissist most of the time, learning to live with toxicity on several intervals, have enough narcissistic supply, ignoring all the red flags, develop a coping mechanism against the narcissist, try to be happy as often as possible, neglect all the flaws of a narcissist, then you are good to go with the happy marriage with a narcissist.
Narcissists rush into remarrying and also speed up the process to gain benefits for their own self. They are not interested in building healthy relationships with their partner. They are simply interested in gaining benefits in the form of a narcissistic supply from their partners.
All a narcissist wants or expects from all relationships, is a way to deal with their own complex emotions without being responsible for them. They project their own insecurities, complexities, and toxicity on you which does not leave any option for the victim but to phase or bear such manipulations because, in a victim’s eyes, the narcissist’s behavior is completely irrational and without any context of why they are doing so!
The only thing keeping you happy in a toxic relationship would be the fear of abandonment, lack of love, the response from the narcissistic partner, and the habit or the used to or the familiarity of the feeling of normalizing the normal without even realizing it to be toxic.