How to Ignore a Narcissist properly? When you have to deal with a narcissist, the first thought you get is “Why this again?”, and the second thought is “Just Ignore”. Dealing with a narcissist is rigid and feels like a traumatic experience. But if you start to care less about them and more about yourself, it would be an easy task for you to deal with them without getting drained.
A narcissist might seem charming, delectable, and inescapable during the initial phases of the relationship or friendship. But as you spend some time with them, you come to know about their true personalities, and that is the moment you feel that you should either confront them or break up with them. But what if there is a mid-way here, where you do not have to face their rage by confronting them and also not face their revenge by breaking up; and that is mid-way is “FEIGNING IGNORANCE“.
Ignoring them would save you so much trauma where you would be safe from them draining you emotionally and mentally and also dealing with them becomes far more easy, when you just start feigning ignorance. Ignoring them would give you your power back, you would be able to do as you wish and also get the control back.
So now you would be wondering if there would be any consequences for ignoring the narcissist. Does ignoring a narcissist would do any good to you? Can there be any unwanted repercussions if you ignore the narcissist? Why would you choose to avoid dealing with a narcissist in the first place? Or to ignore the narcissist without getting into any trouble? Do not get worried, and if you are worried leave your worries here, as this article would be providing some of the practical and applicable ways to ignore a narcissist effectively without getting into much trouble.
How To Ignore A Narcissist Properly?
Ignoring a narcissist may come with its own consequences, but do not get frightened by the thought of it. Just work towards freeing yourself from the manipulative spell of the narcissist. Do not hesitate to ignore the narcissist, or do not just live with the thought of ignoring them in your head, implement it so that you can live a carefree life and live on your own terms. Let us get to know some of the ways to ignore a narcissist efficiently here below,
1. Set and maintain boundaries
Setting boundaries can help you maintain your emotional and mental well-being in the first place. It is not possible entirely to stop the narcissist from bothering you, but it is absolutely possible to remind them of the boundaries now and then. Setting boundaries means clearly discussing about what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Stick to your boundaries and do not let them manipulate you. When a narcissist tries to communicate with you or manipulate you into believing something that is incorrect or bad for your own well-being, then clearly draw a line and mention your boundaries upfront.
Setting boundaries can help you in saving a lot of time, energy, and mental health. This can ensure that you remain unaffected by their behavior and protect your mental health. Narcissists tend to cross boundaries endlessly, thus being firm and holding up your limits is the best way you can protect yourself from their false accusations.
How to draw boundaries? – Some examples
Maintaining a boundary with an acquaintance or a co-worker – If a co-worker or an acquaintance tries to manipulate you into something unavoidable and irritating, then only answer necessary and work-related questions. Cut off communication and be cautious regarding your behavior with them. Do not make yourself accessible to them or do not discuss private life with them.
Maintaining a boundary with an aggressive narcissistic parent – Narcissistic parents have a tendency to be furious, choose violence along with raising their voice to prove a point, or deal with their children when their children argue about something. So when a narcissistic parent raises their voice with you, just mention that you would not communicate with them unless they calm down and lower their voice.
What is the best way to ensure that your boundaries are not broken or how to maintain them?
One of the best ways to ensure that your boundaries are not broken is by reinforcing them over and over again and about how to maintain them, then repeating what is acceptable and what is not in front of the people who consistently break your boundaries would help you to maintain them effectively.
2. Cutt off or limit your contact with them
When you are done with the narcissist’s manipulation and abuse, it is when you wish to escape the abusive atmosphere. Thus that is when you feel to at least seek some sort of revenge, get back at a narcissist, or give them a taste of their own medicine. This is when you sought out ways to seek revenge not with violence but with actions. And one such action is ignoring them by limiting yourself to them. Breaking off contact or just communicating when necessary is one such way.
The “No contact phase” is your way of saying “Just Not anymore” to the narcissistic abuse, the violence in case, the manipulative tactics, and being used as a pawn. The “No Contact phase” means going off-reach with them be it by deleting or blocking them on social media, blocking their phone number, and even giving them the silent treatment.
Try to be as nonreactive as possible and far away from displaying emotions to them. It is known as the grey rock method for communicating with a manipulator, where you show as little emotion as possible during your communication with them. This can cause the narcissist to get even more furious but they would be left with no choice to give in when you strictly prohibit the contact.
Going No Contact with a narcissist includes no physical contact,
- No contacting or staying in touch
- No calls, texts, and no connections through social media
- No casual meetups or encounters
- No more being friends with them
- No more exchanging gifts
- Not even meeting them through the mutual social group or gatherings or even family
Mistakes to avoid when going no contact with the narcissist
- The urge or need to seek closure
- Breaking the contact rule to reinforce the no-contact rule
- Spying through social media
- Convincing yourself to get back with them through some excuses
- Believing that the narcissist is changed
- Being alone or without any support while reinforcing the no-contact rule
- Not falling for their tricks like hoovering, chasing, or reappearing
3. Setting Expectations from the Relationship – Reflecting on what you need in a relationship
Give yourself a break to reflect upon the kind of relationship or friendship you are expecting to get into. Everyone expects something from their friendships and relationships, so being clear about the type of friendship/relationship you want and deserve becomes crucial. So ask yourself about your own expectations and what you expect from your narcissistic partner or a narcissistic friend and writing them down can be helpful here to establish a healthy relationship.
Do not expect too much from the narcissist as they hardly understand anything about the meaning of relationships or true friendships. All they know is how to receive but nothing about how to give. They are selfish and self-centered so expecting something from them is futile. Do not expect love, fulfilling friendships, affirmations, and such positive things from the narcissist. But what you can do is draw boundaries, make yourself less accessible, and maintain your expectations in order to not hurt yourself more from the toxic relationship or friendship.
Once you are clear about what you need and desire to form a friendship/relationship just search for those people who fit correctly into the picture and leave aside those who do not.
4. Focus on yourself and make your life fuller
The most important and reasonable thing here is to think about your own well-being and protect your mental health at all costs. Prioritizing your mental health, by keeping a distance from such provocative topics, patterns of abuse, repetitive blame-shifting game, and getting emotionally drained. Distancing yourself from such situations and such people is the best way to protect your mental health. Thus you can easily prioritize your mental health and mental well-being by just focusing on yourself and not the negative people that may include manipulative friends, partners, or even family members in your life.
About making your life fuller, do everything that makes you happy and does not think about what would everyone else perceive you as. Just open your heart, search for what makes you happy, and try it out. It could be anything from taking a hobby class, reading, yoga or meditation, or just anything that makes your life full of enjoyment and you feel fulfilled by doing that. Focusing on yourself is an indirect way of ignoring the narcissist. This way you become the center of attention for yourself and not them.
5. Recognizing the abusive behavioral patterns to avoid them in the future
Narcissists are often characterized by their boosted sense of self-importance, self-pride, and self-needs. With a narcissist, everything is just about them. Narcissists thrive upon the attention, adoration, and validation that they receive from others, and what makes them distinguished from others is the way they think and the way they behave, which is totally selfish and mean. So recognize your partner, friend, or family member’s abuse pattern and stay away from them while they apply those techniques to deal with you. Thus recognizing the abusive behavioral patterns of the abuser you are dealing with becomes crucial to avoid them in the future.
What happens when you ignore a Narcissist?
Ignoring the Narcissist may cause,
The first and foremost reaction of a narcissist to any inconvenience caused by others is anger, rage, or wrath. If you have been with a narcissist you might be aware of their anger issues. They feel more agitated than usual when you ask them to reflect upon something. They would be harsh with their words. They would try to hurt you emotionally.
Narcissists cannot let go of insults that easily. Ignoring them would be considered an insult to them. Do not expect a maturely handled situation when you ignore a narcissist. They may create a scene and play the victim here. They might also plan something bad that can even smear your reputation. They may resent you for a long time.
Them taking desperate measures like,
- Trying to gain your attention by doing things your way
They may do whatever you like and reach out for help temporarily till you change your mind and stop ignoring them.
- Love Bombing you
There are many ways to lovebomb that they can resort to, they might lure you by making you vulnerable for physical intimacy, or they would send you presents like flowers, chocolates, or anything dear to you to remind you that they still care for you or they would wait for their chance until you give up ignoring them.
- Trying to get through to you by reaching out to your relatives and family
By implying all means here we are referring to any way in which they might contact you. They would even not hesitate to reach out to your family members, friends, or anyone that you know to get the slightest hint about you. They can be creative at this point and just be ready to be surprised by unexpected ways through which they might try to get in touch with you once you start ignoring them.
- Doing things that may make you angry
When things do not work out with love, they resort to anger. They would do all things to make you angry so that at least by that means you talk with them even though pissed.
- Pretending to be cheating on you
They would pretend that they are giving their attention to someone else when you are bust ignoring them. They might pretend to be cheating on you to get back your attention and their control over you.
They may launch a smear campaign
A narcissist would not hesitate even once to spread rumors about you and would tell all sorts of stories and lies to turn people around you against you. They would wish all people just cut ties with you and then you have to rely on them. They would not allow people to know your side of the story.
They might push all your buttons
When you become difficult to handle and when you start ignoring the narcissist’s silent treatment, they may choose some ways to mess with you psychologically and would push your buttons to piss you off. They feel that you also need a taste of your tea for all the harassment and inconvenience that you have caused them.
Should you Ignore the Narcissist? – And at what cost?
Though pissing them, messing with them, ignoring them may elevate your mental peace and can even bring a little joy for defeating them at their own game but this may result in some changes that are not favorable to you. This can also be your fantasy to see the narcissist as a changed individual. But to visualize some changes in them can be just a futile effort. Narcissists do not change. So mess with them by ignoring them at your own risk. Do not get carried away with just messing around that you have to face unwanted and unexpected scenarios and be the victim of a narcissist’s rage and revenge.
Does it affect a narcissist when you ignore them?
Yes! A narcissist fears loneliness and hates ignorance. They feel the same as everyone; sad, fearful, and hateful when someone leaves and ignores their mere presence. But the only difference is their reaction. It does trigger them but they would not express it loudly. They would not demonstrate any loud reaction as this would make them seem benevolent.
Will ignoring a narcissist would make them go away?
The answer is Yes. Narcissists are egoists and they cannot take insults for a longer period of time. Thus they might eventually walk away from you and start looking for someone new who can supply them with their narcissistic supply as they cannot stay without receiving their narcissistic supply for a longer period of time. Even if they do not go away in a short while, they may hoover around you. But even the hoovering would stop once you decide not to care anymore about them with your clear actions.
Ignoring a narcissist may not immediately affect them, or you might not notice sudden changes. In some cases, you would not even notice any changes. But being persistent with ignorance might make them quit and also provide you peace of mind.
Ignoring a narcissist may come with its own consequences, but do not get frightened by the thought of it. Just work towards freeing yourself from the manipulative spell of the narcissist. Do not hesitate to ignore the narcissist, or do not just live with the thought of ignoring them in your head, implement it so that you can live a carefree life and live on your own terms.
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