Do Narcissists Actually Lack Empathy or Just Pretend?
Do Narcissists Actually Lack Empathy or Just Pretend? Narcissistic individuals are usually known for the lack of forming an emotional bond, or for the lack of feelings in the behavior. Empathy is one such emotion that a narcissist lacks, due to which their nasty behavior is distinguished from others.
Narcissists are unpredictable and complex beings, who are difficult to be understood. One moment you may find them just ignoring or running away from feelings the emotions and immediately you might also find them emotionally attached to someone or something the very next minute. A question might arise here, “Do Narcissists really have emotions?”, “Do they just pretend to have emotions?” or especially for the emotions like empathy, “Do Narcissists Actually Lack Empathy or Just Pretend?” Let us find out further.
What is a Narcissist?
A Narcissist is an individual who is often defined as a difficult individual, very difficult to live with, and tough to endure. A Narcissist is an individual who is excessively obsessed to have control, also they expect everyone around them to focus just on them.
They intend to be the center of attraction in all situations. They should be the elephant in the room all the time. Narcissists are control freaks, sly, mean, selfish, and much more. Most importantly Narcissists lack empathy on many occasions until it affects them. Narcissists do know empathy, but they never tend to care, understand, and be easygoing for others as they think vulnerability and being soft to others are negative traits that can be used against them.
People usually tend to cover up all their bad deeds, negative behavior, and toxicity by making it behind their lack of empathy. Lack of empathy is said to be one of the peculiar traits of a narcissistic individual or people suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. But that is not entirely true for that matter.
What is Empathy?
Empathy can mean different for different people. Some may resonate it as an ability to feel other people’s sadness, feel someone else’s pain or put oneself in other people’s shoes to look at things from their perspective. Empathy may have different perceptions or may be perceived differently by different people, but the meaning remains constant with varying actions.
The general definition may include, Empathy as a fascinating emotion that gives a person the ability to understand, care and think for others even before their own needs. Empaths naturally possess selflessness which makes them cherished by almost everyone around them. Though it is a natural trait or emotion for people who are selfless but it is not a genuine feeling that may come naturally for selfish people.
Empathy may help in looking at someone else’s perspective. It is a cognitive instinct that allows a person to place themselves in the position of someone who is suffering and understand them through that perspective. Empathy is both a cognitive and an applied process of emotional and psychological responses that may allow a person to understand, reflect, and function according to the feelings and emotional responses of other people.
An Empath or an empathic person is someone who is capable of feeling empathy, having a lot of empathy for others, and are highly emotionally sensitive too. Empaths also make sure not to hurt someone by their behavior and they do not cause any discomfort to others by their feelings.
Are narcissists Empathetic?
Narcissists do have empathy, but it is only a cognitive process or an intellectual empathy.
A narcissist is capable of feeling all emotions, it is just that they d not acknowledge them and express them due to their vulnerabilities. They fear expressing emotions can make them emotionally weak and vulnerable and might create a weaker image in front of others. They fear that once they surrender to their feelings they might lose control and power.
They lack empathy, care, emotional bond, and intimacy. They would be emotionally unavailable in their relationships. But they do possess empathy, just for the sake of presenting themselves as someone caring and mature in front of others. They may not understand the actual meaning of the word empathy, they would just display a certain behavior that may resemble or resonate with empathetic feelings just to boost their image.
Narcissists may be easily able to be empathetic or expose their empathetic side to a hurt animal, their pets, a sad child, or someone who is mentally unstable, but they would willingly not display empathy when it comes to other humans in most cases.
They do this because they feel that humans have the power to infiltrate their image or disrupt their grandiosity, thus they willingly wish to not display empathy in most cases. Though not all narcissists choose not to be unempathetic, most of them do, as they fear that emotional empathy might make them vulnerable and weak, it may also make them lose their control and power over others and damage their mighty reputation.
So the answer to the question, “Are narcissists Empathetic?” is a YES! Narcissists do possess empathy, but it is cognitive empathy. Meaning that they would undeniably be able to understand that the other person is suffering, hurt, or sad, but they are unwilling and demotivated to take any action related to that. They are able to feel other people’s pain, but they are not willing to comfort them, care for them or at least be a supporter of them.
They might feign ignorance, or sometimes if you are dealing with a sadistic narcissist, then they might even seek pleasure from other people’s pain. They could not sympathize with people who they hurt, or cannot feel other people’s pain, instead, they are the cause of their pain.
Do Narcissists Actually Lack Empathy or just Pretend to do so?
According to Psychology Today, Narcissists are often seen as someone who lack empathy, but that is not true completely. It is also mentioned in the article published by Psychology Today that, The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder, the guidebook that is widely utilized by mental health professionals, does mention that an individual suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder does lack empathy, but the criteria for qualifying for “lacking empathy” for a psychiatric diagnosis of such individuals includes, “Unwillingly not identifying or failing to recognize with the needs and of others”.
The above-mentioned criteria suggest that an unwilling person to empathize with other people is not the same as a person lacking empathy. There is a huge difference. This may be able to prove that narcissists do not lack empathy necessarily, they are empathetic, but they choose willingly not to feel or display empathetic emotions in most cases.
Narcissists are individuals with a lot of internal conflicts, and imbalance and lack that emotional bonding that is required to live effortlessly and happily. A simple notion of feeling empathetic for others would simply not categorize narcissists as “lacking empathy” altogether.
This means that narcissists do possess empathetic emotions for people in need, who are troubled or hurt, but it is only that they do not choose to display that compassion for others as they feel being vulnerable might hurt their grandiose image, or their mighty unaffected reputation might get tarnished if they display sympathy and empathy for others. They feel that they would be looked upon as someone weak, or they may lose their power over others trying to comfort others with care and understanding.
A lack of empathy or a low empathy has been proposed as a prime reason for the narcissist’s hurtful, nasty, cold-hearted, insensitive, and negative behavior towards other people.
Though Narcissists use their intellectual empathy or cognitive empathy just to respond or reciprocate to other people’s emotions and just not be an unempathetic misfit of society. They do possess empathy, they just choose not to be empathetic. They would be able to read the other person’s thought processes, or read the mood of the room, but would not resonate with the same.
For instance, while having a conversation with someone, a narcissist might constantly try to boast about their own mighty self, their achievements, or their grandiosity, they would be able to read the other person’s thoughts about being uncomfortable, feeling inferior, or wishing to escape the conversation, but they would not understand that it is because of the narcissist that the other person is feeling this way. The other person might feel that the narcissist is targeting their weaknesses or making them feel inferior but the narcissist would not understand this feeling, they would just be busy boasting about themselves.
Do Narcissists Actually Lack Empathy or just Pretend to do so? – To contemplate this question, the answer may be, “A narcissist may actually possess empathy and they do not lack it entirely, but they just choose not to display any empathetic emotion. They may also pretend to be empathetic, just to avoid being an outcast or a sociopath in a given situation.
How to protect yourself from an Unempathetic and toxic narcissist?
There are a few simple ways in which an empath can keep their mental health unaffected or less harmed by the narcissist’s manipulative tactics,
Disconnecting from the narcissistic trauma from time to time
Disconnecting from the narcissistic trauma from time to time can ensure your mental peace. Letting go of hurtful and unwanted trauma, comments, moments, and life experiences can be a great relief for healing.
Knowing more about Narcissism
Knowing more about Narcissism can help you understand your NPD individuals or anybody with NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) better. This is the best and utmost way to cope with a narcissistic person. You can also know ways and tricks to handle a narcissist more efficiently.
Setting firm boundaries
Setting firm boundaries might initially upset the narcissist, but with time this would ensure your mental peace, individuality, privacy, and worth. Be less accessible to them and focus on healing them.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists do have empathy, but it is only a cognitive process or an intellectual empathy.
This means that narcissists do possess empathetic emotions for people in need, who are troubled or hurt, but it is only that they do not choose to display that compassion for others as they feel being vulnerable might hurt their grandiose image, or their mighty unaffected reputation might get tarnished if they display sympathy and empathy for others. They feel that they would be looked upon as someone weak, or they may lose their power over others trying to comfort others with care and understanding.
Do Narcissists Actually Lack Empathy or just Pretend to do so? – To contemplate this question, the answer may be, “A narcissist may actually possess empathy and they do not lack it entirely, but they just choose not to display any empathetic emotion. They may also pretend to be empathetic, just to avoid being an outcast or a sociopath in a given situation.
From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.
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