What to expect when the Narcissist knows you know? – 11 Potential Reactions

by Ella Carrillo · August 21, 2023

What to expect when the Narcissist knows you know? What should you expect when a narcissist knows you know what they really are? What Happens When the Narcissist Knows You Figured Them Out? If you are thinking the same then give rest to your speeding thoughts as this is the correct place for you to know the consequences of what happens when the narcissist knows you know about them.

You have finally realized what is the probable reason for your partner to behave the way they do. The partner who is equally capable to stress you out on one hand and adores you in the most difficult ways is a narcissist. Even though it may take different time periods for a person to figure out their narcissistic partners, once you do all the pieces would eventually fit into the puzzle. The confusion, the stress, and the plausible assumptions that you made regarding them, all start to fit their narcissistic personality.

Knowing your partner is narcissistic, might make you sad and also compel you to confront them, to seek your vengeance for all the sufferings that you might have had because of them. But you might also be worried as you might have heard the consequences of how narcissists may get paranoid when they have been exposed. You might constantly be worried, about what to expect, and whether should you be prepared emotionally for emotional combat.

Though there is no need to be afraid of the narcissist here, as most narcissists just seem that they might create a living hell for you, in reality, they would be scared to hell about them being exposed and have many insecurities which would make them even more afraid than you are of them.

So how should you appease the urge to confront the narcissist when you know the ugly truth about them? You might want to break the relationship with them, stop falling victim to their mind games, tell others about their nasty reality, and make them repent for their abominable deeds. But would exposing the true form of a narcissist would change anything? Would it be of any benefit to you if you know the truth about them and tried to make your way to make them accept their bad deeds?

Most importantly how would they take this when they know that you know about them? How would they deal with the whole situation? You should not expect any maturity from narcissists as they are not going to handle this maturely as adults do, so if you have any hopes for them to change after exposing them, then get ready to crash all your expectations as narcissists will not change and instead, they hurt you emotionally for exposing them.

They may be even more abusive, manipulative, or irrationally anxious about their insecurities of being exposed. Though all narcissists might react differently in such a situation, as everyone has different reactions based on their personalities. Though do not get hopeless, as there are a few things that you may expect and which remain more or less for almost all kinds of narcissistic personalities. These reactions are discussed here below,

What to expect when the Narcissist knows you know?

If you are determined to expose the narcissist, then take a pause, breath, and relax as it might help you to think better and harder. While dealing with narcissists, may backfire on you and may cause you even more emotional trauma than the narcissist has already caused you.

The suggestion here is not to ask you to sit back and just bear the manipulation but to prepare yourself well as things are going to worsen as you proceed with the idea of exposing them. So if you are determined and mentally prepared for all the abuse that is coming upon you, then go ahead as you have planned.

But, if you are skeptical of the consequences of exposing the narcissist, then take a few minutes and please the read article further until you reach a satisfactory conclusion regarding how to proceed with such a complex situation. It is better to decide after weighing all the pros and cons of exposing a narcissist and also decide whether the narcissist is worth all the trouble that might seep into your life after exposing the narcissist.

So if you love peaceful and nonchaotic life, it is the best thing you can do by staying away from trouble as much as possible.

By the time you reach here, you might be wondering what if I am already committed to a narcissist and aware of their truth, yet wish to pursue the relationship? Be ready to make the relationship better or at least easier for you as now you might want to know ways to deal with someone who is suffering from narcissistic personality disorder.

Let us dive in and find out, “What to expect when the Narcissist knows you know?”,

Instilling Fear and Manipulation

Narcissists may try to instill fear into you by manipulating you into believing what they suggest. Remember here, narcissists know more about you and your weak spots than you do, so they may immediately target all those fears and insecurities in you when you know about them and try to expose them.

They may try to break your self-confidence and also isolate you from your thoughts. They might make statements like,

“You cannot get someone as good as I am”

“This is what you provide me after all that I have done for you?”

As they figure out that you would be exposing them, they fill you with your deepest fears and insecurities to keep you under their control and also stop you from exposing them. They would remind you of all your insecurities, guilt, and gears by being manipulative.

Gaslighting

The most expected and go-to defense mechanism for narcissists is gaslighting their victims into believing what they want them to believe. So when you figure out a narcissist, their first reaction or action would be gaslighting as a part of their defense.

Narcissists can change the reality of the situation and they are capable to prove themselves innocent when you blame them for their wrongdoing. Thus gaslighting is a technique that can allow an abuser to create such an atmosphere where the victims question their own reality and it forces the victims to doubt their own sanity.

For instance, they would just twist the reality of the situation. They would be abusive and irrational but would never accept it rather than keep denying such facts. When you confront them, they would be like,

“Stop acting all paranoid”,

“Give a rest to your wild thoughts”

“You sound crazy”

When in reality you would not be wrong but instead they would prove that the problem is with you and not them.

Baiting

Narcissists might immediately bait you by either getting into fights or insults, or they can also bait you by trauma bonding to you to keep you in the relationship.

For the first possibility, the narcissist might instigate you by throwing fights so that you rise out of the confrontation and be occupied with the insults. They may scream, yell and even emotionally manipulate by shedding tears. It is one of the ways to show that they do not wish to lose you.

Trauma Bonding

Narcissists may try to recollect all the memories from the past lay them on to you, and try to create a trauma bond with you immediately when you figure them out. This is their combat trick to remind you of the beautiful memories that you had together and also to keep you hooked on the relationship.

Trauma bonding is a type of emotional bond that the narcissist forms in the form of emotional attachment, that may develop from repetitive traumatic and manipulative behavioral experiences. So when they do this, they are just manipulating you into believing one of their lies of changing and being better and also leading you to believe in their fake apologies. They trick you into reminiscing the good old days which would lead you to forgive them.

Smearing your Character

The Narcissist’s Smear Campaign is when the narcissist presents someone as bad and lies to others about what that someone has been doing to them. Narcissists can lie bluntly to save themselves and their image and destroy someone else’s image just to save their own image.

Narcissists smear your image when they can no longer control you or your views about them, in this case, the thought of you knowing their truth disturbs them so much that they just smear your reputation before you spoil theirs so that others do not believe your side of the story.

A narcissist would not hesitate even once to spread rumors about you and would tell all sorts of stories and lies to turn people around you against you. They would wish all people just cut ties with you and then you have to rely on them. They would not allow people to know your side of the story.

Narcissists would try to save their own selves by acting the victim and hiding their real toxic selves they project all the bad that they have done with you onto you and tag you as the bad person here claiming all the bad or the wrongdoings under your name.

Discarding

When you have figured out a narcissist’s true and toxic personality, it is during that time they would decide to discard you. The Discard phase is the time when a narcissist uses you completely until their satisfaction like a pawn, and when they no longer need you or find a reason like you figuring them out, they would just discard you like something unimportant. They just end things abruptly without any established reasons.

Blackmailing

Narcissists can be vindictive and cruel when they feel that their toxic and abusive self has been exposed and you are the one who is the probable culprit. They would do anything to save their reputation.

Threatening is one of the tactics that resort to when all their tricks seem to fail. So when they believe that you have figured them out or are going to expose their toxic side to the world, they would threaten to reveal your secrets, your shortcomings, your guilty pleasures, or anything that might hurt you and tarnish your reputation.

Their blackmailing does not stop here, they would even go to extreme limits, like withholding all your money, making your children inaccessible to you, expose your dirty secrets in the form of intimate pictures. They would blackmail you with whatever they can dig at that moment. They might even threaten you by intimidating you to cut you off from any joint accounts, joint properties, or investment plans that you made for the future.

Victimization

When a narcissist knows that you know their truth, then the Narcissist would use the Victim card or have the victim mentality if they believe that they can get out of the situation by guilt-tripping you.

The tendency of self-obsession and self-absorption along with a boosted sense of self-superiority may leave a narcissist to observe the situation of absorbing the blame as something improper or targeting, thus they may decide to play the victim card.

Leveling

When a narcissist knows that you know their reality, they would not let you go without leveling with you. This means that narcissists would dig the dirt on you too, and mention you as the bad person too. They would point out the fact that even you have done some things that may level up to their negative behavior.

They would question your integrity and question yo that you are to blame them as you also have done similar things. Then how can you blame just them? They would ask you to analyze your own character first and then blame them. This is what leveling looks like.

They would justify their manipulation and abuse as a response to your past mistakes and behavior with them. This way they would justify all their mistakes even dragging you into the picture, by calculating your mistake san making you realize that you are the same as them, and your blame is just baseless as you both sail in the same boat.

Projection

Projection means a justification of one’s action by accusing or pointing fingers at others. It is a reaction or a repulse action that is an outcome of one’s guilt, wrongdoing, or something that one is not proud of in particular or is not ready to accept or reflect on self. This makes it easy to deal with a difficult situation, without much remorse.

When something you said triggers a narcissist or points out their wrongdoing; they cannot take this in any circumstances. Remember that they do not take criticism well. They would be all hyped up and agitated to provide a counter-argument that satisfies their ego and proves that they are right and have been wrongly pointed at. So until they transfer all blame on you they would not stop their narcissistic projections. You can be the victim of narcissistic projections on multiple instances wherever you try to prove a narcissist wrong or challenge their toxic personality.

Narcissistic projections are like their hidden superpower according to them. They use it out of nowhere and leave you perplexed. They use these projections as a defense mechanism when they feel they would be exposed or their grandiose image is being questioned or tarnished.

Fake Apologies

Narcissistic apologies always may feel like a big annoyance, as they always just try to shut down their big mistakes where they have hurt you immensely. They just try to cover up and conceal their wrongdoings and hurt things just mere words. Their apology feels like putting a small bandage over a fractured arm. It can feel that ingenuine.

So when they know you know about them, they would just try to just close the topic by providing a fake apology, which is just used to distract from that very moment and just cover up their fault.

Final Thoughts

What to expect when the Narcissist knows you know?

But, if you are skeptical of the consequences of exposing the narcissist, then the above-mentioned points might help you regarding how to proceed with such a complex situation. It is better to decide after weighing all the pros and cons of exposing a narcissist and also decide whether the narcissist is worth all the trouble that might seep into your life after exposing the narcissist.

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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

What to expect when the Narcissist knows you know? – 11 Potential Reactions