What is Narcissist Discard Phase? What are the signs of Narcissist Discard Phase? If you are facing such a relationship crisis, where you have been abandoned in a relationship, ghosted, and neglected without specific reasons, then here is your sign and reason to know more about the discard phase of a relationship and know how to move on from that!
Dating a narcissist is itself challenging. You have to keep up with their unrealistic expectations, their tantrums, emotional unavailability, and peculiar traits. A Narcissist can make you feel like you are on cloud 9 for one moment and the next moment is like they don’t even know you. So dating a narcissist is almost unpredictable.
What is it like dating a Narcissist?
Dating a narcissist is complicated. Initial dating stages are like walking on rose petals and later stages or the phases before the discard phase are like walking on eggshells. During the initial dating stage, they would shower you with excessive love, compliment you, make your favorite dish, want to be around you all the time, note the most minor things, and make you extremely special.
But with the smallest inconvenience, shortage, or lack of supply(Supply here refers to giving them attention, praising their accomplishments, providing a sense of entitlement and validation whether it is positive or negative, providing special treatment, and meeting their needs and demands), when you oppose them or they no longer need you in your life, that’s when the relationship starts falling apart from their side. This is what is commonly known as the discard phase.
A narcissist always feels the need to dominate the relationship, try to be the elephant in the room, or try to impress or prove their worth by all means and all the time, so this is when they resort to all sorts of means without considering their partner’s feelings. As the relationship proceeds, it becomes more and more difficult to be with a narcissist as they start showing their true colors.
What is Narcissist Discard Phase?
Once the narcissist feels that they no longer need you, or you have served their purpose, and there is no longer they can suck out of you, that is when the Narcissist Discard Phase begins. Once a narcissist feels there is no longer availability of the “supply” (Supply here refers to giving them attention, praising their accomplishments, providing a sense of entitlement and validation whether it is positive or negative, providing special treatment, and meeting their needs and demands) they leave you without many signs or even a warning.
In a relationship with a narcissist, you constantly feel that they overpower or sabotage the relationship already. But as if this was not enough, they also decide to discard you without giving much consideration to your feelings and your perspective.
To understand the Narcissist Discard Phase better, let us know the phases of dating a narcissist as presented by mental health experts, psychologists, and knowledgeable therapists;
1. Attraction or Idealization Phase
The first and most menacing phase of dating a Narcissist is this phase. Attraction or Idealization is the step where they spot you and grab your attraction, like spotting a target for obtaining their supply. This step feels like you are on cloud 9. They would make you feel so special and out of the world, that you would think, you have found the love of your life.
Little do you know about their ill intentions in the later dating phases! During the Attraction or Idealization dating stage, they would shower you with excessive love, compliment you, make your favorite dish, want to be around you all the time, note the most minor things, and make you extremely special. They will play all sorts of love tactics to manipulate you and your thoughts just to make you fall in love with them.
There are some possible ways a narcissist would show their love or love-bombing you with their tactics,
- They might take you to your favorite restaurant and say all kinds of cheesy things so that they can win you or lure you into a relationship. But remember this is just temporary, this would all fade away once they know you are into them and no longer you can be of much use to them.
- They might also do things like buying expensive presents, going shopping with you, might choose a PDA(Public Display of Affection), and many more such means to lure you.
For avoiding falling into a narcissist love trap, let us know some peculiar traits of a narcissist with the help of which you can avoid such a person as your partner,
- This person might try to win over you with excessive love which is not normal that it almost seems unreal
- Would stalk you in every possible way
- This person would need constant attention and are desperate to gain it.
- They lack sensitivity and empathy.
- They would not listen to you, would just try to keep their point and make everything about them.
- They merely care for your feelings unless it involves them.
- They have high levels of self-importance, self-esteem, and overconfidence.
- They always need praise, appreciation, and entitlement.
How to stay safe from the idealization phase? – How to avoid getting stuck in a relationship with a narcissist?
Controlling your emotions around the narcissistic person, we know you would be having all kinds of mixed feelings but not showing your emotions around them might make a big difference and make them want to stop hitting you for starters. When you do so, they might try to trigger your emotions, but not get carried away. Keep your distance in order to avoid all that future trauma that you would get by falling into their trap!
2. Devaluation Phase
The Devaluation phase begins as soon as a narcissist is able to completely lure you in. Once they gain your complete trust, this is when they start playing with your feelings and thoughts by using their manipulative tactics. They start showing their true face, gradually. To make their grip even firm on you and establish complete control over you they would try to isolate you from your friend group, relatives, and anyone you can rely on emotionally.
They would only want you to depend upon only them and nobody else. This is the phase when they would suck the positivity out of you and drain you. They would make you feel emotionally exhausted by insulting you when you do not agree with them, abusing you when you avoid them, making you feel guilty for not appreciating them, demanding money or love from you, keeping high expectations, fulfilling all their desires with you on their side, they would be mean to you, be sarcastic and crack jokes on you, humiliate you and even threaten you about breaking up.
This is the phase when you really realize what trap you are into! They would easily commence fights with you with the slightest inconvenience, or if you don’t give enough attention to them they would not let go of any chance of humiliating you, they would isolate you mentally and physically from others so that your attention can be completely on them and you can be their supply only.
The devaluation Phase is a grey phase, where you cannot bear them but cannot even let them go due to their manipulative tactics like love bombing along with insulting you or creating self-doubt in your mind, you would not be able to see the red flags as you would be in love them by the devaluation phase. Your self-doubt would be 100% and your self-confidence would have hit rock bottom by this phase. Thus devaluation phase is all about isolating you from others and using you for their benefit only.
3. Discard Phase or Rejection Phase
The Discard phase begins when the narcissist feels that the charm and chase are over, the excitement and lust are gone, and the purpose (whatever they have been using you for like money, physical intimacy, just to cop with their former breakup or a fresh supply) is over, and they finally can no longer use you for their gains.
This is the last and final stage where a narcissist would completely use you and when you are no longer available for them or become emotionally unavailable to them, emotionally drained, have no longer supply left, and start ignoring them; this is when they reject you and end the relationship abruptly.
The Discard phase is nothing but the time when a narcissist uses you completely until their satisfaction like their puppet, and when they no longer need you or find someone else they just discard you like something unimportant. They just end things abruptly without any firm reasons.
As you know the details of the narcissist discard phase, let us know the Signs of Narcissist Discard Phase;
What are the signs of Narcissist Discard Phase?
- Starts avoiding you and gives you the silent treatment
- They would make you feel like you are unlovable and would try to establish that through many incidents
- Cut all connections with you
- They would make you feel unwanted and like a hindrance in their life
- They start Ghosting you or Gas lighting
- Blame you for the breakup and make you the reason
These are some of the visible signs of Narcissist Discard Phase, so let us discuss them in detail;
1. Starts avoiding you and gives you the silent treatment
Narcissists are the most self-centered beings and every relationship you have with them is just about them and their benefits. If it benefits a narcissist until then only they would be helping you out, otherwise, they just forget that you even exist. They can make you feel as if you never mattered in their life, you never existed, and would completely ignore your mere existence.
They would not reply to your texts, would not pick up your calls, would block you from social media, and would answer through any means of communication. This is when they make you feel you have done something wrong, but in reality, they are fed up with you and just want to discard you from their life.
2. They would make you feel like you are unlovable and would try to establish that through many incidents
Instead of making it clear that they want to break up, they would make you feel like something is wrong with you, you have changed and become unlovable. Narcissists have two faces that they wear all the time, Admiration seeking and Rivalry seeking. The admiration-seeking face is put up all the time by most narcissists. But this is when they wear their rivalry-seeking face and would make your life miserable. They would seek revenge if you try to cut ties.
3. Cut all connections with you
They would try discarding you from their life like you never existed for them. They would avoid you, avoid any form of communication source, block you, and even disregard you by all means. When you try contacting their family, friends, or acquaintances, been then they would be unavailable. Well, this is a sign for you to stop contacting and break up already.
4. They would make you feel unwanted and like a hindrance in their life
After losing control over you or your relationship when they no longer want to be in a relationship with you, or when they find someone new, a Narcissist would try all sorts of techniques to discard you from their life. One such technique includes humiliating you at the cost of your mental peace. Embarrassing you in front of a crowd or the people you might be acquainted with or your group. They would make you feel unwanted and as if because of you they are not able to grow, and you are acting like a hindrance in their growth and life. While the reality is they no longer need you but would make you feel guilty.
5. They start Ghosting you or Gas lighting
Ghosting or gaslighting you can be the topmost priority for a Narcissist once their purpose with you is completed. When a narcissist feels they can no longer take advantage of you or from you, that’s when they break their relationship with you. So, be ready mentally to expect an abrupt break to your relationship as they only serve the purpose until their benefit or until they get their supply.
6. Blame you for the breakup and make you the reason
Be ready to be pinned for all the blame for break up. It is them who want to break up, but would hold you responsible for it.
Can you rescue yourself before falling into a narcissist’s dating trap? – How to Cope?
Do not avoid the red flags, act immediately and seek help!
A Narcissist person craves attention all the time, lacks care and empathy, can be rude and blunt, ignores other people’s feelings, and has troubled relationships, thus they can not be an ideal partner for you. But if you still have to put up with them, or bear with them somehow you may create boundaries.
Be direct about what you need and expect from them, put your thoughts and feelings with a strong head, do not feel guilty unless your mistake, make new friends or keep dating other people as soon you notice red flags, meet people who really cheer you, seek help if you have to, go for therapy, and maintain a certain and safe distance with a Narcissist. Doing all this may secure your mental peace and happiness.
Try to avoid dating a narcissist for starters. But if you still have to put up with them, or bear with them somehow rescue yourself before it’s too late. As the Narcissist Discard Phase can be traumatic and leave emotional scars for a lifetime, it is better to back out before this phase or just not date a narcissist altogether.