11 Signs You Are In A Relationship With A Narcissist (And Ways To Cope)
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who may be toxic yet your heart tells you to continue dating as they are so convincing? It can be a sign that you may be dating a narcissist. Yet to give a proper shape to your intuitions, here are 11 Signs you are in a relationship with a narcissist that may help you determine your doubts.
Your heart says you love them but your instincts guide you to leave them, has it ever happened with you when you have the intuition that the person might be dreadful for you yet you cannot leave them?
This may often happen when you are in a relationship with a toxic partner especially, a narcissist. Narcissists can be some of the most challenging partners ever encountered, as they may be flattering at the beginning of the relationship. Still, as the relationship progresses they begin to exhibit their real manipulative and abusive identities.
Being in a relationship with a toxic partner can be a not-so-good experience for you as you may feel being used, abused, emotionally drained, alone, unheard, and mistreated.
Eventually parenting with a narcissist can make you feel you are worthless as they may be manipulating with tactics like gaslighting, blameshifting, criticizing, and rage. You may lose your self-esteem and self-worth while dating a narcissist.
So you should find their true identities and save yourself before it is too late. Here are 11 Signs you are in a relationship with a narcissist and also a few tips to cope with them.
11 Signs you are in a relationship with a narcissist
Here are a few signs for you to know your narcissistic partner better,
1. They are so Charming at first, But…
The primary experience of dating a narcissist can give you butterflies in your stomach, you may feel you have found the one, and the world seems to be more endearing because you have found someone who loves you.
You may be pampered, showered with flattery, cared and loved. You may feel like you may have reached the peak of happiness with them and they might be the most important person to you.
It is really easy to fall in love with a narcissist and that too at first sight. Their charm is irresistible, their dazzling looks may work like a magnet for you, their achievements and success may overwhelm you and lastly, the flattery may completely hypnotize you.
People usually gravitate towards narcissists as their energy, aura, and personality are constantly pulling you towards them. They are the center of attention wherever they go, and thus they can easily charm people around them. You may be attracted to them due to their,
- Physical Appearance
- Self Confidence
- Eye contact
- Personality
- Intelligence
2. Lack of Boundaries
Narcissists hardly respect other people’s boundaries and often try to cross them thus it becomes crucial to mark your boundaries clearly as their behavior is ego-driven. Setting boundaries might upset them at first, but with time this would ensure your mental peace, individuality, and privacy.
Setting boundaries would allow you to not break them thus preventing you from giving into narcissistic manipulative tactics.
Even if you set strict limits, and put up a strong barricade of boundaries, the narcissist will walk all over them. They may overstep your boundaries and get involved in your life.
3. A Disregard for your feelings
The most important aspect of a relationship is the need to be understood, freely express yourself, and be yourself with your partner.
Narcissists may come across as the best partners initially, but with time you may notice how these emotions are wearing off as at the end of the day, the only thing that they care for is what is in it for them. They may not care about your growth, your feelings, or what you wish and desire.
The narcissist would make decisions based on their benefits rather than a mutual benefit. They may pretend to care for you in the initial stage of the relationship, but as the relationship progresses, you may notice how their feelings change and their ultimate priority is just themselves and no one else.
4. They are short-fused
The first and foremost reaction of a narcissist to any inconvenience caused by others is anger, rage, or wrath. If you have been with a narcissist you might be aware of their anger issues. They feel more agitated than usual when you ask them to reflect upon something. They would be harsh with their words. They would try to hurt you emotionally.
They might even call you names or use abusive vocabulary when you expose their shady side or do something that seems unpleasing or resentful to them. But do not get disheartened or terrified by their rage, as it is their go-to tactic to outburst their rage on you. And thus when they are displeased by something you have done or something that can trigger their outrageous side, be ready to face their fury.
When a narcissist do not receive the grand treatment to which they feel they are entitled, they may become impatient and angry.
5. They avoid taking responsibilities
Narcissists hog credit and take complete responsibility when something has gone right and is praiseworthy. The praise, appreciation, positive reviews, and feel-good comments would boost the narcissist’s ego.
But when something has gone wrong or not worked according to their plan, you will never see them around while taking responsibility for such matters. They may deflect the blame, avoid responsibility, and go into a mode of denial.
They may act hurt or victimize themselves in inapt situations so that nobody points fingers at them.
6. They are expert manipulators
Although you might have heard how manipulative toxic people are, when you share a relationship with a narcissist you may understand the true meaning of manipulation. They are experts.
Without even realizing it, you may be a part of their manipulative tactics. Most people may be able to recognize their patterns, styles, and forms of manipulation like gaslighting, projecting, devaluing, discarding, and so on, but some narcissists can yet find a way to manipulate others, especially their partners. Here are some most common tactics,
Playing the Victim – Narcissists can or may use the Victim card or have the victim mentality if they believe that they can gain something out of the guilt-tripping. Narcissists are manipulators and they tend to manipulate people around them to gain benefit.
Devaluing – Narcissists would not hesitate to devalue your worth whether it is at home or out in public. They might try to cover up for their mistakes by belittling you.
Triangulation – Triangulation is a circumstance, where one person(here the narcissist) tries to get a grip over situations, where they maintain control over their victims or opponents by encouraging differences of opinions and forbidding the other two parties from uniting. They only want to become the centre of the dispute and both parties fight it off to side with them.
7. No Grey Area
There is no grey zone for a narcissist, it is either black or white for them, meaning they may only view the situation, person, outcomes, or any judgmental situation in either a black(negative) or white(positive) zone. There is no in-between for them.
For instance,
There will be no common ground in a competitive situation. It is either they win or lose. And they always prefer to win.
So what is theirs and what they feel they desire should be received by them and no one else. Like other people’s attention, validation, and adoration should not be shared by others but solely be focused on them.
8. Pull and Push
The narcissist would easily pull you into their world and push you out once their needs are fulfilled. They may take all they desire, in the form of love, respect, and money, and draw you deeper into their narcissistic world.
But once they drain your energy, positivity, and love, they may discard you even without blinking. Narcissists discard their partners without feeling guilt or remorse and can move on quickly to their next target with ease.
Once the narcissist feels that they have completely used you, they may discard you like you never existed in their world. Narcissists discard their partners just for them to come back begging to take them back into their lives.
If you leave the relationship before providing them with what they desire, they may pull you back into the relationship with double force, and thus you may get stuck in their game of pull and push.
9. Everything is about them in the relationship
When you are with a narcissist everything is just about them. Every conversation, every action of yours, every topic of discussion. Everything should revolve around them and they should be the focus of every conversation that you have.
Thus narcissists are very demanding, and thus everything begins with them, about them, and also ends with them in a relationship. A narcissist is someone who needs attention, praise, ego boost, appreciation, and all such things that may add up to their grandiose image in the form of a narcissistic supply. They would always want to be the center of attraction in all situations.
Narcissists have this constant desire to be adored, valued, and appreciated wherever they are. It is always that a relationship works how the narcissist wishes, as they grab the steering wheel of the relationship and drive it as they desire.
10. Split Personalities
Dating a narcissist is complicated. The initial stages of a relationship with them may feel like you are walking on rose petals and later stages may be where you may be walking on eggshells. During the initial dating stage, they would shower you with excessive love, compliment you, and make you extremely special.
But as the charm and chae of a new relationship fade away, their mask of being the “absolute best partner” falls off and their toxicity seeps in. They switch from being a charming partner to someone you barely know.
So if you are experiencing the same situation, you are dealing with a split personality narcissist.
11. Inability to let you in
Narcissists have multi-layered personalities, through which they do not let in anyone deeper than a certain level because deep down they have hidden insecurities, anxieties, fear, shame, and guilt. Thus they keep these emotions hidden.
They only let their outstanding and perfect personality out and keep their true vulnerable personalities hidden. They have a high level of self-esteem and thus they do not allow anyone to penetrate deep into the relationship as they are afraid that someone might see right through them and their vulnerabilities.
What should you do if your partner is a narcissist?
Coping is an effective way to deal with narcissistic individuals especially if that someone is dear and close to you like your partner. Learning efficient coping tips may come in handy while dealing with a narcissistic partner as you may be trauma-bonded to leave them. Thus dealing with them becomes the best option here.
Educate yourself
When you are living with a narcissist, the primary step here is knowing more about narcissism and acknowledging yourself regarding their traits. Knowing more about Narcissism can help you understand anybody with NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) better. This is the best and utmost way to cope with a narcissistic person.
Make a choice
After knowing your partner’s true personality, decide for yourself whether the love is too good to be true or if are you just bearing them because you cannot just leave them out of guilt.
Make this tough choice. If you love them to endure them then be prepared for what is coming further.
Be prepared
Now that you know that your partner is a narcissist, you may need to be prepared for anything and everything that might come your way.
Final Thoughts
When you get into a relationship with a narcissist one thing that you cannot change is them and their toxic personality. So if you wish to stay with them, find ways to cope with them, and if you can no longer bear with their manipulation, leave them for good.
This ensures the well-being of both people. Narcissistic Personality disorder is difficult to diagnose. This disorder comes with varied contributing factors. Narcissism cannot be cured, but the degree of narcissism can be hauled down by seeking therapies and getting healed emotionally and psychologically.
From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.
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