5 Reasons Why The Narcissist Wants You Back
Here are a few reasons why the Narcissist wants you back. There are a few reasons why a narcissist might want you back, but they might never truly understand why their partners left them in the first place.
Narcissists tend to get back with their exes, even if they are the ones who broke off the relationship in the first place. So why would they return? Does this mean they love you or miss you? The reason is completely different and it is neither of them. The reason might leave you shocked as the reason may be totally unexpected.
Usually, a narcissist might return back to a relationship, when they run out of narcissistic supply. It is when they lack something; sex, money, validation, emotional support, attention, and so on. These are all sources that provide them narcissistic supply.
Nariists always fill the gaps left in their life by their partners by replacing their old partners with someone better or meeting new friends and acquaintances. This toxic cycle of abuse goes on until they feel that they always need more, and crawl back to their old partners. They always end up needing more as no amount of narcissistic supply is ever sufficient for them. They end up going back to their exes as narcissists are well aware that they can satisfy their needs up to some extent.
When a narcissist contacts you to get back with you, they might not even be wanting you back for real, but they might just be pretending to want you back, just to get a reaction out of you and also to check what power and importance do they still hold in their exes lives. They would do this to feel empowered and controlled.
5 Reasons Why The Narcissist Wants You Back
The narcissist might want you back for the affection you had for them as everyone especially narcissists craves attention and affection. They might miss your validation for their fake, unreal, and dual personality, they might miss what you did for them, how you made them feel, and the physical intimacy.
They would not actually miss you for who you are or your feelings, but they might miss you for how you made them feel special and entitled and made them your priority. Let us know some detailed reasons why a narcissist might want you back,
1. They do not wish to be alone all by themselves
When a narcissist feels alone or is unable to connect with anyone at the same level at which they connected with you, then they might try to gain you back, by empathizing with and sympathizing with you about their loneliness.
They will make you feel important as they did back in the love bombing stage, and suddenly you are everything that is left with them. They will try to make you feel how much you are needed in their life. They might try to lure you back when you are the most vulnerable. They would try to make you feel that you also need them equally after all this time apart as much as they need you.
But remember here, that you do not need to be the rescuer here, as the narcissists need not be saved. They are either just pretending to be alone or just want you back for some time until they find someone who can provide them with all they want.
Narcissists constantly need someone to be dependent upon, and it is you now. But it can be someone else tomorrow. This is just a trap where they pretend to be different but in reality, they are not.
Narcissists can hardly change, and it is proven by research and expert advice. They really can never self-reflect and thus they do not really know who they are and how they are affecting others.
To deal with this situation, do not get swayed by their charm, give yourself some time. Meet new people if needed and you will know that you can just do fine even without them.
2. They think of you as some possession
Narcissists believe that once they have someone or even had them in the past, they become their possessions. It can be anyone or anything including their exes, children, businesses, home, business partners, or even romantic lovers.
To them, their exes are such possessions that they had in the past and they can access them whenever they wish. If they cannot have you they would not want you to go to someone else either. They might even fight you to gain control of what they feel that should be theirs.
This happens with child custody cases too. Even though their partners might have won over the custody of the kids after separating, the narcissistic partners might still feel that they own both the kids and exes and even if they cannot have them they might try to barge in their lives continuously.
There are a few ways to stop the narcissist from depriving you of what you have,
If you insist upon leaving the narcissist anytime soon, then establish a safety fund in a bank account, of which the narcissist is unaware. Stash some cash for you and your children if you have, and be ready to fight for the worst-case scenarios in case the narcissist deprives you of the resources.
Protect your children from getting manipulated and played by the narcissist.
Remember your life is yours to live and thus do not allow anyone else to control it due to petty reasons.
3. The narcissist might never had a desire to let you go in the first place
This reason has validity in the case when you decide to leave the narcissist. This is when they think of you as a forbidden fruit and desire you more. When they cannot have something that they desire, their inclination to secure or procure that person or that thing gets stronger.
It is when you are forbidden to have something or someone in your life you fancy that more and more. In the same way, when a narcissist is unable to control the exit of their ex from their life, their desire to reconcile with them becomes stronger as their sole focus shifts to getting back with them.
So when you set boundaries or establish no contact with the narcissist, they become aggressive and furious as they cannot reach you. They get frustrated when they are deprived of something or someone.
Not all narcissist might follow their exes, as they feel when their ex left them it hurt their pride. They would never allow feelings to overrule their pride and thus may never contact their exes again.
So what should you do or how should you react when this happens?
If this happens to you when you leave the narcissist only for them to follow you back, you need to be watchful and attentive as narcissists are natural manipulators and it may not take much time for them to lure you back into the toxic relationship.
They might take advantage of your vulnerability.
They may stalk you, try to lure your children, or file a case for their custody.
They may also try to instill physical harm to you when they feel they are out of ways to lure you.
When you feel their threat has exceeded your tolerance and it is harming you and your children, you may take legal actions too in case of increased danger.
When their harassment starts to creep you out reach out to friends and family members for help.
Make sure you do not give in and get weakened in the process, hold your ground strongly, and protect yourself and your children from the abuse and toxicity.
4. They will want you back as they believe that you may be unable to find someone better
Narcissists have a great sense of self-importance with enormous egos to satisfy. They have this opinion of themselves, that they are the best that someone can ever find. Hence they believe that no one can ever lose such a gem of a person that they are.
They might have made it loud and clear that they are the greatest that anyone can ever date and their partner is lucky enough to have them. They might constantly remind their partners about their accomplishments and try to make themselves look more established and desired.
What should you do or react when they boast about themselves?
When the narcissist tries to show off and win you over by their accomplishments, then at the very moment suspect their intentions.
When they try to make you feel worthless, note all your accomplishments and how great you will be without their involvement,
Remember how they diminished your self-esteem and self-worth by draining, devaluing, and belittling you.
5. Self-absorbed narcissists only can fake the emotions
Narcissists can never have or not try to associate themselves with true and real feelings. Their feelings are fake and relationships are hoaxes.
They are only capable of loving their own selves fully and always prioritizing self-needs. You may just be a side character in their life all your life. They may never really appreciate your presence until you leave them.
For instance, you may just be a trophy wife or be a trophy husband in their lives.
Thus you may just be like an embellishment in their lives, just to add that hint of glamour and status. They may just use you or try to use you once again when you break free from their toxicity.
So what to do when you have been in a relationship where you were constantly neglected, yet you are again being driven back into the same relationship once again?
Take time to heal yourself from the toxic relationship and let go of all the negativity that you have had because of them.
Do not jump into a new relationship as soon as you leave the toxic one.
The Narcissistic cycle of abuse may have a similar approach to abusive relationships but with an extra touch of love bombing, insulting, devaluing, and discarding. Narcissists have altogether different perspectives when it comes to dating or loving.
Narcissists are extra with everything they do, meaning they are extra affectionate in the initial stages of the relationship, then it gradually comes down to devaluing and hurting their partners and with the final stage of discarded.
The victims of narcissistic abuse usually accept the abusive behavior, start feeling okay with it, and adjust to keep the relationship going. They might even start to ignore the abusive behavior in the eventual hopes of working out things in the relationship.
Narcissistic abuse often gets overlooked, or just starts to feel normal after a while as narcissists manipulate their victims and blindfold them virtually with their sweet, charming, and fake personalities, so much so that they are no longer able to draw differences between healthy and unhealthy behavior.
Thus narcissistic abuse may not be visible that vividly as it may be more inclined to a subtle form of abuse, but it is like slow poison for the victims which may tear them down emotionally.
Narcissistic abuse can lead to many negative effects on the victims like,
- PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder)
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Life long Traumatic memories
- Sleep difficulties
- Cognitive issues
- Fear and Panic
- Headaches and body aches
- A breeding ground for more mental health disorders
Important Takeaway
The narcissist might want you back for the affection you had for them as everyone especially narcissists craves attention and affection. They might miss your validation for their fake, unreal, and dual personality, they might miss what you did for them, how you made them feel, and the physical intimacy.
They would not actually miss you for who you are or your feelings, but they might miss you for how you made them feel special and entitled and made them your priority.
It is not uncommon to continue thinking about an ex-partner even after a breakup, particularly if they were a narcissist. Narcissistic partners can leave a lasting impact on their victims. Try not to be around them and have lingering feelings for the narcissist.
From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.
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- Narcissistic Abuse And Anxiety – 11 Symptoms of Narcissistic abuse-induced anxiety - March 9, 2024
