What should I do if my Father is a Narcissistic Bully? How to protect yourself from a Narcissistic Tyrant? Is there a way to save yourself? if you are dealing with such questions, leave your worries aside as here are your answers.
Narcissistic mothers are always slammed for the negative impact they create on their children’s lives, but have you thought about what impact a narcissistic father can have on their children’s lives? Narcissistic fathers can be agonizing as they create their own share of agony and suffering for their children. Narcissistic fathers can leave a deep impact on their children’s lives, especially their sons.
Narcissistic fathers also are perceived as bullies, so how should you save yourself if you have a narcissistic father?
The first step to save yourself from narcissistic abuse is to acknowledge the fact that you are being bullied and recognize the bully, in this case, the narcissistic father. Once you confirm the fact that you are being bullied, you may proceed to the next step of protecting yourself which may include creating boundaries, practicing self-compassion, often having reality checks, and seeking help to heal yourself from the trauma.
Neither the sons nor the daughters have a way to escape from their father’s bullying. So how would you know if you have a narcissistic tyrant in your family? How to recognize the bully? Let us know some characteristics that may help you recognize the bully.
Traits of a Narcissistic Father
There are a few major traits that may help you recognize the tyrant in your family. Though traits may differ for narcissists, these are some common characteristics that can be generalized for most narcissistic fathers. There can also be traits that may not be mentioned here, but it would be easy to recognize other traits once you start noticing details of their behavior and noting what behavior matches the description of a narcissist.
To compare, here is a description of how to recognize a narcissist in general,
Narcissists are often characterized by their boosted sense of self-importance, self-pride, and self-needs. With a narcissist, everything is just about them. Narcissists thrive upon the attention, adoration, and validation that they receive from others, and what makes them distinguished from others is the way they think and the way they behave, which is totally selfish and mean. Narcissists have huge egos to satisfy and when someone hurts their ego, that someone is doomed. Narcissists seek revenge, or at least they would humiliate and devalue you for hurting their pride and ego.
Now let us know some generalized characteristics of a narcissistic father,
He keeps on comparing their children either to other kids or to himself as a child
Whatever you do will never be enough for your father and he will always find a way to boast about themselves regardless of the situation. You would always be compared to the other kids your age or to themselves when he was a child in most cases. So if you are going through a similar situation, do not degrade your worth as you are your best version right now.
He ignores your boundaries
Despite the repetitive mentions of what behavior will be tolerable to you and what behavior disgusts you, he would just ignore that and keep on breaking your boundaries and continue to mutilate your ways and approaches.
He manipulates you into doing what he wants
Even if you do not wish to do something your narcissistic father would keep on pestering you about doing something that they want. They might try to guilt trip you or blackmail you emotionally just to make you do something and gain the upper hand in the situation using the power of the relation that they hold of being a father.
He would find reasons to avoid showing up for you and others at social events or celebrations
Narcissists could not digest the success of others. They would rather prefer to stay at home than be confronted with other people’s successes and happiness. Narcissists are vulnerable and avoid complimenting, praising, and being involved in other people’s victories.
He belittles you in front of your partner and children
Narcissists always power their ego by belittling others. So to build up their ego, narcissistic fathers would purposefully mock you, and disrespect your ways and conduct of life right in front of your own family.
He is unable to appreciate your success as an adult
Narcissists cannot simply acknowledge other people’s successes and good things in other people’s lives, including their own children. A narcissistic father would never provide positive feedback but would always expect you to do so for them.
He uses love bombing as a way to show affection
A narcissist would rather love bomb you by buying you expensive gifts and making pompous and extravagant efforts for you, and if you do not reciprocate those efforts with lavish feedback and extraordinary gratitude then would reject you and your existence. They would never really make real efforts to connect with you on an emotional level but would rather choose to gift you such extravagant things to gain other people’s attention and show off their wealth.
He only calls you to boast about themselves
If you are expecting your narcissistic father to worry about you or really check upon you when they call then just forget it, as they would always call you to boast about himself, mention their achievements, and crave appreciation and praise. He would do this to obtain a narcissistic supply.
He is only obsessed with money and success
He would always equate your success in terms of monetary basis and compete your accomplishments with his own. He views himself as the most accomplished person in the family and would compare you to themself more than enough. enough to break your self-worth.
He doesn’t support you emotionally
Narcissists have the lowest empathy and lack the perspective to understand other people and their emotional needs. So narcissistic fathers would never be able to understand their children’s emotional needs. They would never even make efforts to connect with their kids on an emotional level. Their bonds will really turn into superficial connections as time passes and their kids age.
He would burst out in anger publically
Narcissists are obsessed with maintaining their perfect image publically and thus would pretend to be that ideal loving father often. But when you embarrass them about something they might not hesitate to show their wrath publically.
Impact on children with a narcissistic father or a narcissistic tyrant in the family
Growing up with a narcissistic father may be difficult as is. You may constantly have to witness and be a part of the narcissistic rage and narcissistic abuse til you realize that it is not your fault for being the way you are, the problem is your father.
A narcissistic father may constantly gaslight their children, and when you confront your father or expose their manipulative and abusive behavior, they may suffer a narcissistic injury resulting in narcissistic collapse. Which may even become more difficult for you to deal with the mentally collapsed state of your father.
Children of such narcissistic parents would lack confidence, would be constantly feared, have low self-esteem, lack care, and love, would feel depressed and neglected, would always have the urge to attain perfection to get validation, and would mostly be prey to narcissism knowingly or unknowingly, willingly or unwillingly.
The daughters may feel complexes regarding their looks and personality due to low self-esteem and may lose their self-worth with the constant criticism about looks and character. You may need to find a perfect family to marry and never bring any sort of shame to the family. You may be forced to learn and do all the chores that may make you suitable for a good partner. Studying well, earning well, and getting settled into a good family are all expectations that you may have to fulfill with having a narcissistic father.
As the son of a narcissistic father, you may always be expected to perform well at all ages. You need to gain good grades, find the perfect job that matches your father’s expectations, be monetarily successful, have a perfect partner, build a good family, and always fulfill your father’s expectations.
My Father Is A Narcissistic Bully – How To Deal With A Narcissistic Tyrant?
Being raised by a narcissistic father may leave the idea of normal life for you a little distorted. You might pass your childhood and teenage years without knowing what a normal childhood and normal upbringing may look like. It is when you reach adulthood and gain insight into a healthy upbringing, normal parenting, and a simple less complicated life.
You may realize this as soon as you are an adult and realize it is not about you and has not been about you the whole time, it was the parenting that put you in such emotional turmoil that you may realize soon that you have a narcissistic father.
Knowing the signs and traits of a narcissistic father, now let us know ways to cope with such a narcissistic tyrant in the family. Do not lose hope, as these tips might make your coming life better than the life that you have dealt with until now. You might soon start to understand the manipulation, toxicity, and abuse that you had to go through just because of your father, but not anymore.
You can not beat the narcissist efficiently at their game, but you can give a smart fight by acknowledging some coping skills. This can save you a lot of drama and you might be ready to give an uphill battle. You can prove that he can no longer manipulate you as you are aware of his actions. Let us know some coping ideas that you can apply while dealing with your narcissistic father and save the trouble of getting manipulated and hurt.
Seeking help from others
It is emotionally and mentally draining when you have a narcissistic parent in your life. You need to vent out and discuss the pent-up emotions, hurt, neglect, rejection, toxicity abandonment issues, and all your suffering with someone. This way you can let go of the agony you have been holding up till now. You can let go of the trauma by seeking help from people who care about you and also find ways to cope with the narcissist by getting some professional help.
Do not hesitate to reach out to friends and family for emotional support and also join some social groups, or join some communities or therapy groups that help in healing and dealing with trauma. You may also join a prayer if you are a believer. You may also seek help from therapists and mental health experts in such cases. You may also seek online therapies, learn more about narcissism, and teach yourself through the internet or some self-help books.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
Narcissists hardly respect other people’s boundaries and often try to cross them thus it becomes crucial to mark your boundaries clearly as their behavior is ego-driven. Setting boundaries might upset your narcissistic father at first, but with time this would ensure your mental peace, individuality, privacy, and worth.
Be less accessible to your father so that they cannot abuse you emotionally. You decide for yourself what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Setting boundaries would allow you to not break them thus preventing you from giving into narcissistic manipulative tactics.
Set some limits for yourself regarding the time that you wish to spend with your narcissistic father. Do not get involved in the familiar drama and try to think for your emotional well-being. By avoiding the parenting drama you can avoid providing your father the narcissistic supply they they wish to seek in the form of attention.
Let go of the false hopes that you might be holding about him changing
Narcissistic characteristics and traits are ingrained into the behavior of narcissists and they may develop more and become stronger with time, so expecting changes from a narcissistic father may not be a good idea. You may be expecting love, care, understanding, and simplified emotions from your father, but it will not be like that in the future.
So let go of any hope that you may have regarding your father changing for the better because that is not going to happen. Do not invest your time, emotions, and energy in trying to change them.
Go no contact if possible
Do not hesitate to limit contact with your narcissistic father for your well-being. If possible go no-contact and ensure your emotional, mental, and physical well-being. At first, you may feel uncertain and hesitant about going no-contact, but trust the process and allow yourself some time to heal from the narcissistic trauma. Also, discuss this with other family members so that they are aware and supportive of your decision.
Learning to build self-confidence
Motivating yourself into self-care routines, promoting your mental health, and practicing compassion for yourself are some of the ways that can help boost self-confidence which also helps in increasing self-esteem. Only allowing positive people and thoughts may ensure that no negativity is entering your life. Surrounding yourself with people who can provide emotional and mental support like other family members, friends and anyone who can help you to heal is also one excellent idea.
Do not take any responsibility which is not yours from the beginning
Narcissistic fathers have a tendency to hold their children or their partners responsible for their happiness, success, and advancements in life. But remember that it was not your responsibility as a child and it is still not your responsibility as an adult.
Take responsibility for your life and your life choices
Do not allow your father to interfere with the choices you make and degrade your worth anymore now that you are aware of their toxic behavior. Taking responsibility for your life and your life choices would ensure that you have control and power of your life in your own hands.
At this point, your narcissistic father might try to control you by playing manipulative mind games but do not fall victim here, by being aware of their tactics.
When a narcissist is involved in your life, they can totally invade your self-respect, self-esteem, and your self-pride. You start feeling worthless as they make you believe so. They shatter your self-image and make you completely dependent on them to seek validation before making any decisions. They always prove that they are superior to you and thus sabotage your self-esteem.
Self-esteem can be developed by working on yourself. Self-care makes you strong-willed and thus helps you in developing your self-esteem and self-pride. Working on your self-confidence, your goals, and mental peace can be your initial steps toward self-care.
Protect your physical health by opting for exercising, gymming, doing yoga, and all such options. To protect your mental health focus and prioritize your own needs love others, seek help, and involve yourself with other people to save your self-worth.
When you have a narcissistic parent, your childhood and coming years may be difficult having someone manipulative around all the time. You would be always expected to fulfill their expectations and bring pride to the family even at the cost of your own well-being. You may lose yourself in trying to please a narcissistic father, but sooner or later you might come to realize the toxicity and save yourself by seeking healing.
Definitely, you cannot choose your parents or the way they treat you, but you can always find ways to defend yourself and create healthy boundaries. Healing requires self-care, self-compassion, and a lot of patience. be patient with yourself and do not rush the healing.
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