How to Beat a Narcissist? – 11 Ways to Deal with Them

by Ella Carrillo · September 2, 2023

How to Beat a Narcissist? Are you also done with bearing the manipulative abusive and toxic characteristics and traits of a narcissist? Do not worry, this article is here to provide your help by discussing ways and obtaining answers to the question, “How to Beat a Narcissist?”

Narcissists are often characterized by their boosted sense of self-importance, self-pride, and self-needs. With a narcissist, everything is just about them. Narcissists thrive upon the attention, adoration, and validation that they receive from others, and what makes them distinguished from others is the way they think and the way they behave, which is totally selfish and mean. Narcissists have huge egos to satisfy and when someone hurts their ego, that someone is doomed. Narcissists seek revenge, or at least they would humiliate and devalue you for hurting their pride and ego.

You may eventually have a limit to bear their toxicity. At such times you might just find ways to either piss them off intentionally or beat them at their own game to make them feel what you are going through when you are with them.

Beating the narcissist at their own game might seem impossible at first sight, but do not worry. There are some ways that can help you to deal with the narcissist in the language they might understand very clearly. Here are some ways that would answer the question, “How to Beat a Narcissist?”

How to Beat a Narcissist?

Beating the narcissist at their own toxic game may sound scary and difficult, but indeed it is not. Let us know how to do so effortlessly,

Stay Calm when they are trying to upset you

Riling up situations just to aggravate you is their power move just to get on your nerves. It is just a part of their toxic game, to get a reaction out of you as this provides them a narcissistic supply.

Narcissists are always ready to provoke a reaction out of others, so refusing to engage in an argument, can save you from getting emotional and believing what they want you to believe. This can be an effective way to avoid giving them attention. Not engaging in any kind of drama, heated arguments, or disagreements just to mirror the reality of the situation may help you maintain your cool.

How to remain calm?

It is difficult to maintain your cool in such riled-up situations. Just ignoring their comments, criticisms, and reprovals would help you remain calm. You can also think of some comic incidents that may help you calm down at that particular time.

Neutralize the situation using Flattery

Praising them using compliments or flattery may immediately neutralize them and their reactions. Using flattery may allow you to get what you want from the narcissist. Narcissists have this sense of self-worth where they think they are better than others and thus using flattery may provide a boost to their inflated egos. Just randomly compliment them or mention some of the best qualities, and there you go, you have them thinking why such flattery for the whole day?

You may just make random comments about their personality like, “How smart, you always know what to do.”

You may also just give them a word of praise like, “Keep up the good job.”

Make a point to state something good first and then provide criticism

Even though narcissists may seem perfect, they are flawed too. They also have underlying deep-rooted insecurities and have depleting self-worth. They cannot take criticism well and they are also unsure from within, they just try to portray a perfect grandiose image in front of others.

Narcissists are petrified of criticisms as they fear that their mask of fakeness may fall off if their weaknesses are exposed. But delivering criticisms is also a part of the process especially if it is at a workplace or even at home. But you can always make it easier by complimenting them first and then criticizing them either directly or indirectly.

Delivering criticism may take a little build-up first. At the workplace, you may start by, “Your performance has improved quite a lot, but it would be appreciated if your work included more details.”

If you wish to point out some mistake as a partner then you may, “I like it how you care about me, but I would like it better if you would just not pick up arguments out of every topic.”

If you are dealing with narcissistic parents then you may say, “I appreciate all the efforts you make for me, but if you would not compare me with others then it would literally lift my mood.”

Ignore their toxic behavior instead of calling out loud

Dealing with toxic narcissists can be difficult enough as is, so to maintain your composure you might just leave them at whatever they are saying and not respond while ignoring them, because if you start getting involved in the situation, you may have to face a lot more than it is.

Ignoring them would save you so much trauma where you would be safe from them draining you emotionally and mentally and also dealing with them becomes far more easy, when you just start feigning ignorance. Ignoring them would give you your power back, you would be able to do as you wish and also get the control back.

If your narcissistic partner is complaining about your cooking day and night, you might feel the urge to say something like “You cook for yourself” or “I am not cooking anymore for you”, instead Just ignore their complaints and enjoy your meal by yourself in peace and just observe them lose their cool.

Ask about them to change the topic

Narcissists like it when people take an interest in their lives. They love to discuss their achievements, show off their skills, and boost about themselves just to make it like look they are worthier than you or more accomplished than everyone else. So when you compliment your narcissistic partner about something, they might distracted and get off topic.

You can save yourself from the trouble of receiving criticism, by complimenting the narcissist about some of the skills which may be relatable to the topic like,

“You are so good with remembering dates, you have a sharp memory.”

“No doubt you are good at history, can you help me understand this specific era?”

“I heard your presentation at your workplace was good, can you help me and the kids with our work?”

Limiting the amount of content you tell them can help you stop the rumors they spread about you. When times are tough, a narcissist may use anything and everything against you. They may act like they care about you but do remember here that narcissists can fake it to make you believe anything they want.

Thus limit the information you share with them, this can prevent you from spoiling your reputation and also they would be unable to use anything against you in some difficult time.

If you consider anything to be a secret, then forbid yourself to expose that to them. Keep control of what you share so that it cannot be used against you. For instance,

If at your workplace, you are outperforming the narcissist, they might use the information like missing the deadline of a project or committing some mistake against you to either stop you from getting promoted or replace you in the race for promotion.

Resist their attempts when they try to lure you into a closed relationship

When you try to detach yourself from the relationship with the narcissist, they might make their best possible attempts to lure you back into the relationship. Showing no emotions is a great way to prove your point in an argument with a narcissist. Exaggerating the situation and making a fuss is a narcissist thing.

When you break off with them or make them seem uninteresting, then the narcissists would get anxious and curious as to what made you leave them. If you break off with them in the initial stages of the relationship that is the idealization phase or the love bombing phase of the relationship, then this action of yours might leave them perplexed seeking a way to get your attention or lure you back into the relationship.

But remember here and make a list of all things and reasons for why you left them in the first place. So when the narcissist comes to you all gullible and in a state of despair, you can read the list and not get overwhelmed with your emotions. Remember all the trauma, abuse, and difficulties they gave you.

Try seeking support from others

It is emotionally and mentally draining when you have a narcissist in your life. You need to vent out and discuss the pent-up emotions, hurt, and all your suffering with someone. That way you can seek help from people who care about you and also find ways to cope with the narcissist by getting some professional help.

When you are trying to explain yourself and also trying to cope with the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse, seeking help from others can help you a lot. Being alone in such a phase is risky and not good for your mental health. It is important to seek help to get past the abuse from time to time.

So do not hesitate to reach out to friends and family for emotional support and also join some social groups, or join some communities or therapy groups that help in healing and dealing with trauma. You may also join a prayer if you are a believer. You may also seek help from therapists and mental health experts in such cases. You may also seek online therapies, learn more about narcissism, and teach yourself through the internet or some self-help books.

Take care of your own needs because the narcissist will not

When a narcissist is involved in your life, they can totally invade your self-respect, self-esteem, and your self-pride. You start feeling worthless as they make you believe so. They shatter your self-image and make you completely dependent on them to seek validation before making any decisions. They always prove that they are superior to you and thus sabotage your self-esteem. So developing your self-esteem can be like a big slap on the narcissist’s ego virtually.

Self-esteem can be developed by working on yourself. Self-care makes you strong-willed and thus helps you in developing your self-esteem and self-pride. Working on your self-confidence, your goals, and mental peace can be your initial steps toward self-care.

Protect your physical health by opting for exercising, gymming, doing yoga, and all such options. To protect your mental health focus and prioritize your own needs love others, seek help, and involve yourself with other people to save your self-worth.

Set boundaries to protect yourself

Narcissists hardly respect other people’s boundaries and often try to cross them thus it becomes crucial to mark your boundaries clearly as their behavior is ego-driven. Setting boundaries might initially upset the narcissist in your life at first, but with time this would ensure your mental peace, individuality, privacy, and worth. Be less accessible to them. You decide for yourself what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Setting boundaries would allow you to not break them thus preventing you from giving into narcissistic manipulative tactics.

Making your requirements or boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable behavior is a must while dealing with a narcissist. They would simply walk all over you if you did not create some limitations and boundaries. Expecting change from a narcissist is nearly impossible but at least how you should be treated and can be treated is in your hands. This can totally piss them off but would bring you a little respect in the relationship.

Go no-contact or limit your accessibility to them

When you wish to beat the narcissist, you may choose to limit your access to them or just cut off contact entirely. This allows you to help form the narcissistic trauma and also might make the narcissist realize your value.

When you are done with the narcissist’s manipulation and abuse, this is the time you would want them to value you or at least fear you. Thus this is when you provide a threat of cutting contact with them entirely.

“No Contact” means going off-reach with them be it by deleting or blocking them on social media, blocking their phone number, and even giving them the silent treatment. Just completely discarding their existence from your life is a sure way of cutting contact with them and creating havoc of fear in their head as narcissists fear abandonment or being left alone.

Important Takeaway

When you are so done with the narcissist constantly manipulating you, taking advantage of you, and bringing toxicity into your life, then applying these tactics would be beneficial to you. You can beat the narcissist by giving them a taste of their medicine.

Take your power back. Remember your main motive is to gain your power back and not devalue them or try to seek revenge. This way you can have a balanced relationship in any form it may be, and you might not worry about all the toxicity seeping into your life through the narcissist anymore.

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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

How to Beat a Narcissist? – 11 Ways to Deal with Them

How to Beat a Narcissist?