How To Protect A Child From A Narcissistic Father? Parents leave a deep impact on children. Thus having competent parents is truly a blessing. But what if you have a Narcissistic father or a narcissistic mother? Or both narcissistic parents?
All Parents always wish the best and the finest possible for their children. But what if one of the parents is a narcissist; especially the father? Narcissistic fathers can be a handful, as they would never be satisfied with their kids. They would always more from them. They would be abusive, manipulative, demanding, and emotionally tormenting.
The role of fathers is ever-changing. They are the role models, superheroes, breadwinners, co-parents, and much more for their children. But what happens when that father figure is manipulative, abusive, comparing, and demanding? It becomes important to protect your children from such fathers, who may not leave a good impact on the children.
You might want it both ways. You may not want your children to suffer from all the traumatic experiences that you had, but also you may not want to cut sever the father-children bond. Then what exactly can you do here? The answer is to try protecting your children from their narcissistic father, rather than correcting the narcissist’s behavior.
You can protect your children from the abuse, trauma, and manipulation that their fathers are going to leave them with. Here are some ways for, “How To Protect A Child From A Narcissistic Father?”
How To Protect A Child From A Narcissistic Father?
Stay strong and protect your children from their narcissistic father by,
Stop Fights before they start
Narcissists would go up to any limits to gain attention and or gain whatever they wish for. They might intentionally wish to engage in fights with their children to make them feel inferior either by comparing them or belittling them.
They might also ignore their wishes and blame them for making unnecessary demands. They can start a fight on any unnecessary topics just to gain power and control over their children.
Just do one thing here, Just try agreeing with the narcissist here, to steer the conversation toward the positive side and save your children from some unwanted trouble. This may sound like you are giving in the ways of a narcissist but do not take this the wrong way. You are trying to save your children from getting involved in the unwanted fights.
This makes sure that narcissists feel valid as their viewpoint is being heard and also your children can have their peace. This may look like the narcissist is winning the argument but you are not surrendering here you are putting in your point.
Let the Kids be angry
Living with a narcissist is difficult and your children might be facing the same issue. Living with a narcissistic parent may be difficult as you may have to constantly face their rage, gaslighting, blameshifting, and comparing.
Children of narcissistic parents would lack confidence, would be constantly feared, have low self-esteem, lack care, and love, would feel depressed and neglected, always have the urge to attain perfection to get validation, and would mostly be prey to narcissism knowingly or unknowingly, willingly or unwillingly.
Your children might have some pent-up anger or hatred toward their father due to their constantly manipulating and abusive behavior. Let your children blow some steam when they are with you. Do not get offended when they get angry with you.
Do not let your children blame themselves
Narcissists’ behavior might affect your children negatively and they may start blaming themselves for their father’s bad behavior just like you used to do in the initial days of your relationship with the narcissist.
The manipulative tactic of blameshifting or projecting may end up in your kids blaming themselves for being inferior or feeling lowly. Narcissists wish to exploit their children by needily asking them to please them constantly.
If there are two children; a narcissistic might play the favorite child and the child that obeys them, gives them more respect, agrees to their decisions, bears their toxic traits without complaints, and excels in all fields may become their favorite child or the golden child, while the other child may just feel left out and ignored. Do not let this happen with your kids, explain to them what is wrong and how they are being exploited.
Try to show them the true meaning of love by loving them equally without creating any differentiation.
Be open with them
Providing this information to children may be difficult as they may not be able to understand the mental health disorder completely and it might take some time for them to understand why their father behaves so or how they need to be more mature than their father.
If your child is younger they may not be able to understand the meaning of narcissism, and might just go around repeating whatever they learned, and, might also discuss the same with their father. So be careful about your younger children. If your children are mature enough, they will understand this and try to find ways to cope with their narcissistic fathers.
Children may easily absorb the wrong and negative behavior of their narcissistic father. So explain to them that this behavior is not appropriate and normal and also explain the mental health condition of their father to them.
Here one thing is important that the children need to know that it is not their fault and they do not need to be defensive and insecure with everyone as they do with their father.
If your children are of a mature age, they might find ways to cope with all the anger, manipulation, and abuse in their own creative ways.
Do not vilify the father
Letting your children about the true side of their father’s personality is one thing but it is not necessary that you convert them into these monsters that the children might be terrified of. You are disposing of your narcissistic partner to your children to let them know why they are facing what they are facing due to their father’s negative behavior.
Your main goal here is not to villainize your partner and vent about your pent-up feelings but to let your children understand what is happening in the family just because of their father.
Let your children initiate conversations about their father, let them be inquisitive rather than just spoon-feeding all the characteristics of their narcissistic father.
Let your children know that they are not alone in this
A narcissistic father would lovebomb their children when they need something from them like love, affection, and attention. But they would abuse and exploit their innocent children when they do not act according to their wishes.
They would praise their kids publically but just tear down their self-worth when they are alone just to assert their control and power.
Your children might not be able to understand why their father would do so, so at this point, it is your responsibility to explain to them what is right and what is wrong here and how they are innocent. Also, let them know that they are not alone in this and support your children no matter what.
Minimize contact with the Narcissistic Father
Disconnecting from the narcissist’s trauma from time to time can ensure your and your children’s mental peace. Explain to your children that their father is a part of the family but it is important to let them know how uncommon and negative their behavior can be. They do not need to cut contact with their father, but just maintaining some distance from them may allow their mental and emotional well-being. Teach your children to let go of hurtful and unwanted trauma, comments, moments, and life experiences can be a great relief for healing.
If you are divorced from the narcissist, limiting the co-parenting opportunities with your partner may be a way to maintain some distance from the narcissistic partner. It is advisable for the sake of your children too, as this may ensure that your children are not exposed to insults, projections, gaslighting, and accusations.
Do not get worked up, when you have to face the elicit behavior of your kids due to the narcissistic father.
Narcissists always are ready to provoke a reaction out of others, so refusing to engage in an argument, can save you from getting emotional and believing what they want you to believe. This can be an effective way to avoid giving them attention. Not engaging in any kind of drama, heated arguments, or disagreements to just prove your truth may help you to maintain your cool. Try and teach this to your parents too and thus it might be helpful for them to learn some coping mechanisms.
Let go of the blame
The biggest way to be truthful to yourself is by letting go of the blame that the narcissist frames you into just to get away with whatever you want.
Once you know the true side of the narcissist, you are more likely to blame yourself than your partner. You might feel low as you would think that you are incapable of protecting your children from the narcissistic partner and their cycle of abuse.
Remember here that you are also the victim here and not the culprit so do not blame yourself. Instead, try to find ways to protect your children from the narcissist and their narcissistic abuse.
Try to get some help from others
When you are trying to explain and co[e with the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse, seeking help from others can you a lot. Being alone in such a phase is risky and not good for your mental health or for your children’s mental health. It is important to help from the abuse from time to time.
So do not hesitate to reach out to friends and family for emotional support and also join some social groups, or join some communities or therapy groups that help in healing and dealing with trauma. You may also seek help from therapists and mental health experts in such cases. You may also seek online therapies, learn more about narcissism, and teach your children the sane through the internet or some self-help books.
Narcissistic parents leave a deep impact on their children which can leave deep scars and childhood trauma. But there are ways to break free from the trauma by seeking help. So never lose hope! Children do not get to choose parents, but they can definitely choose what to adapt to and what not after certain maturity.
Focusing on positivity, healing, and connecting with better people can help children to cope with childhood trauma.
Give importance to self-love – Do not let anyone bring down your confidence and self-love and also teach your children the same.
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