If you have a narcissistic sibling, then coping with their abuse is how you make your life easier. So let us know some effective tips for dealing with Narcissistic Siblings.
How can having a Narcissistic sibling affect your life?
Growing up with a narcissistic sibling can be tough as is. They would make everything about them. You would end up being their mere shadow. Your achievements would be envied and your talents would be overshadowed by their fake entities. They would always try to be the best at everything from being the favorite child to the parents, the adorable and worthy descend of the family, or be it among society.
There are various points that you might face or have already faced while growing up with a narcissistic sibling, Narcissistic sibling traits;
- You two would have a toxic and complex relationship purely based on terms of benefits and favors.
- A narcissistic sibling would transfer the blame on you for their wrong deed.
- They would claim everything that they want and you might be left with almost nothing in terms of material things.
- They would only connect with you when they want something from you.
- They would be jealous of your achievements.
- They always need to be the center of attraction or the elephant in the room.
- You might feel better with them not being around.
- They lack emotional connection and display.
- They would be mean to you for no reason because of their mood shifts and internal conflicts.
- They would make you think that they are the parent’s favorite child and not you.
- They would act as a hindrance to your achievements.
- They would be competitive and not happy about your success.
- They would take advantage of you.
Characteristics of a Narcissistic Brother
Signs that may prove that you have a narcissistic brother,
He would be a liar, a reckless liar
Narcissistic siblings would lie effortlessly when they have to prove a point or make an impression. They would even lie to their parents when they were unable to achieve something. Lying is the instinct of a narcissistic sibling. Narcissistic siblings would escape the reality of situations and live in a world of made-up lies.
He would gaslight you
Narcissistic siblings either hide their mistakes just prove you wrong or just burden you with their mistakes. And when you question them irrespective of their actions they would lash out at you, saying you lack trust or you are lying. This is how they even gaslight you.
He would be jealous of you and your achievements
A Narcissistic sibling would be jealous of your achievements, your happiness, or even your growth. If you surpass them in any way or by means they would not be happy about it and instead would degrade your achievement with jealous comments or criticism. Your narcissistic brother would just twist the reality of the situation. He would be abusive and irrational but would never accept it rather than keep denying it.
He would think that you are less important than him
When it comes to the emotional bonding with your narcissistic brother, you would not be able to as he would think less of you. He just considers himself to be superior, smarter, important, deserving, and ahead of you, and thus there can not be an equal bond that you would expect from a sibling.
He has a sense of entitlement
Narcissist siblings feel they deserve everything special, and nothing less. This habit of entitlement does not allow them to look at the truth or the reality. They prefer lies as lies make them feel better, greater, and something more than others.
He would be inconsiderate of your feelings
There is no emotional bonding when you live with a narcissistic sibling. They have constant mood swings and emotional tantrums. So there is always a lack of emotional support and constant emotional manipulation. Narcissists lack empathy and sensitivity. There is no meaning to the word sibling bond when you live with a narcissistic brother. He would be verbally abusive and emotionally unavailable when you need him thus he is inconsiderate of what you feel and how you feel.
He would not be helpful
A narcissistic brother has a different view when it comes to helping. He would state that being a male and a privileged member of the family, working or helping is not their thing especially if you have an elder narcissistic brother.
Characteristics of a Narcissistic Sister
Narcissists are often characterized by their boosted sense of self-importance, self-pride, and self-needs. With a narcissist, everything is just about them. Narcissists thrive upon the attention, adoration, and validation that they receive from others, and what makes them distinguished from others is the way they think and the way they behave, which is totally selfish and mean.
Narcissists have huge egos to satisfy and when someone hurts their ego, that someone is doomed. Narcissists seek revenge, or at least they would humiliate and devalue you for hurting their pride and ego.
Now let us know some generalized characteristics of a narcissistic sister,
Everything is just about her
When you discuss your achievements or your needs with your parents, she would confiscate the attention and the topic and discuss how she had excellent scores or had top grades or always made top life choices that made her the extraordinary person that she is now.
She would lie recklessly
Narcissistic sisters would lie effortlessly when you ask the doubting something. They would even lie to their parents when they were unable to achieve something. Lying is the instinct of a narcissistic sibling. Narcissists have a very huge ego to satisfy, so they always want to prove a point even if it is by the means of lying. They just consider themselves smarter than others and thus lie recklessly. For instance,
When you ask your narcissistic sister about the money you lent her or the piece of clothing that you gave her to wear the other day, they would lie straight to your face denying that they do not remember any money or the dress. This is how they either hide their mistakes or just prove you wrong. And when you question them irrespective of their reply they would lash out at you, saying you lack trust or you are lying. This is how they even gaslight you.
She would be jealous of you
A Narcissistic sister would be jealous of your achievements, your happiness, or even your growth. If you surpass them in any way or by means they would not be happy about it and instead would degrade your achievement with jealous comments or criticism. Your narcissistic sister would just twist the reality of the situation. She would be abusive and irrational but would never accept it rather than keep denying it.
She would think less of you or believe you are less important than her
When it comes to the emotional bonding of siblings or expect that you would be able to connect with your narcissistic sister, you would not be able to as she would think less of you. She just considers herself to be superior, smarter, and ahead of you and thus there can not be an equal bond that you would expect from a sibling.
She would be inconsiderate of your feelings
There is no emotional bonding when you live with a narcissistic sibling. They have constant mood swings and emotional tantrums. So there is always a lack of emotional support and constant emotional manipulation. A narcissistic sister would manipulate you to achieve anything she wants or wishes. She would use you as a tool just to be greater in front of your parents.
5 Tips For Dealing With Narcissistic Siblings
Do not argue with them
Narcissists are never going to recognize and realize their mistakes. If they are getting into an argument, know that it is not about you but about them. Narcissists view everything in black and white, meaning they view things in either all-or-nothing terms. This makes them believe that all the fault is yours and that they are innocent here.
They always view themselves as the victim and play the victim card when their parents might be around. They may be treating you without recognizing their own part in the problem, which may be the root cause of the problem in the first place.
Arguing with them may provoke their defensiveness and thus they may entirely back out from the problem or play the victim in the situation.
Set Limits on what you will do for them
The best way to cope with a narcissistic sibling is to set limits to what you might do for them as narcissists are beings who might seek as much advantage as possible from other people, which even includes family members. They are selfish and thus they might not think twice before taking benefits and using a family member if required.
You may not be able to control their behavior but you can always control their behavior instead. One aspect of setting limits is to determine the tolerance of their toxic behavior.
A narcissistic sibling might slowly and gradually take over the entire control and attention towards them, they may become extremely demanding, insulting, obstinate, and violate the family rules which may disturb the family dynamics.
Thus it becomes important to decide a tolerance level, so that when their behavior extends certain limits of your tolerance you may immediately take an action by either ignoring them or by not co-operating with them.
Do not call them a narcissist
Confronting a narcissist is always tempting but it usually backfires in the most unexpected ways. Your intention behind calling them a narcissist might be intended to either put an end to their abuse or change them for good in some positive ways. But all that aside, you might have to be a part of their retaliation.
The narcissistic siblings might not reflect on their own behavioral traits which may lead to mistakes. They would always be busy and obsessed with proving that you are the culprit and something is wrong with your behavior and perception of them.
So leaving out or dropping the whole plan of confronting them repeatedly, may be beneficial for you as if you opt for the opposite action, you might only have to bear the consequences of that. You are not giving them insights but inviting trouble for yourself. This also makes your relationship worse and might draw you more apart.
Focus on your choices more along with theirs
When you live with a narcissistic sibling, every situation or every move is about them. They choose what they want but also what you would want. They think they are somehow smarter than you and can make better choices. Thus they would force their decisions and choices on you disregarding your choices.
So choose for yourself and perceive what you wish. When you live with a narcissistic sibling, you often lose your individuality because everything is about them. So change that and make choices that are good for both of you.
Do not disregard their choices though, just listen to them but do as you wish. This way it may not upset them and also allow you to make decisions for yourself.
Seeking help from others
It is emotionally and mentally draining when you have a narcissistic sibling in your life. You need to vent out and discuss the pent-up emotions, hurt, neglect, rejection, toxicity abandonment issues, and all your suffering with someone. This way you can let go of the agony you have been holding up till now. You can let go of the trauma by seeking help from people who care about you and also find ways to cope with the narcissist by getting some professional help.
Do not hesitate to reach out to friends and family for emotional support and also join some social groups, or join some communities or therapy groups that help in healing and dealing with trauma. You may also join a prayer if you are a believer. You may also seek help from therapists and mental health experts in such cases. You may also seek online therapies, learn more about narcissism, and teach yourself through the internet or some self-help books.
Having a narcissistic family member around can be difficult. If you have to deal with a narcissist in your life without much choice, you might know how difficult it is. You might not be aware of them being narcissists initially, but you or the family might suffer continuously because of them.
So instead of confronting a narcissistic family member, you should learn to deal with them or cope with them, which can bring peace, happiness, and better bonding.
Involve yourself in self-care. Celebrate your little victories, discuss or reach out to your parents about this, get help from loved ones, consult a therapist, be grateful for what you have rather than what it is not, sleep well, eat well, stay with friends, be positive, and live well.
A narcissistic sibling is a part of your family and no doubt you love them despite their nasty personality, abuse, and trauma they give you, you need your safe space where you can disconnect from their trauma and negativity from time to time.