10+ Tested Ways to Trick a Narcissist into Telling the Truth
How do you compel the narcissist to spill the truth? If you are also wondering about the same question, then sit back and relax as this article provides, “Tested Ways to Trick a Narcissist into Telling the Truth”.
Narcissist resort to lies to enhance and maintain their grandiose image and thus expecting truth from them seems absurd. Your efforts seem futile as getting the truth from a narcissist is as tough as breaking a rock. It is not an impossible task but requires witty and shrewd effort. Covering up the truth of the matter to cleverly side-tracking the topic to deviate attention is what a narcissist is proficient for.
Though it is not a tough task as you would imagine it to be to compel the narcissist to spill out the truth. Being calm and composed may help you out in such scenarios. Even after making the effort to expose the narcissist, if you feel like you are receiving half-truths only, then stay with the article and get reading further as this article provides tips and tricks to outsmart a narcissist and extract the real truth from them.
Why would you want the Narcissist to confide in you or to spill the truth?
Getting the truth from the narcissist is not always easy, but there can be a few reasons why would you want the truth from the narcissist. Although getting the truth from the narcissist might not seem as fruitful many a time, you might also not get the expected outcome. You might get deceived into gaslighting arguments and exaggerated lies from them. But do not get disheartened here, as you got to do what you got to do. Thus let us get going to know the reasons here below,
- Being with a narcissist may haze out your own perceptions and experiences of life as you might have always been treated with falseness and half-truths. Thus to validate yourself and your own thoughts you must confront a narcissist to get clarity and save yourself from further manipulative and gaslighting situations.
- Protecting yourself from unhealthy relationships and also saving others may become an important step to ensure the emotional and mental well-being of an individual. Knowing the true intentions of a narcissist by confronting them is one such step. It can be a wake-up call for those who are at the edge of falling victim to a narcissist’s manipulative, abusive, and treacherous trap.
- Confiding a narcissist may be beneficial to both, you and to them. For you, it might give a feeling of contentment that you were able to state the reasons for their toxic behavior. For them, it might be eye-opening as they might not be aware completely or hesitate to believe that they might be suffering through any mental health issue. This might be one of the ways to bring their attention to their mental health issue and present it clearly.
- Confronting is equivalent to getting closure. Closure is much required when you wish to accelerate the healing process for the traumatic experiences that you might have had due to the narcissist. A confrontation in the form of closure helps individuals to understand the reality of the situation, accept the truth, and finally move forward.
- To regain control of your life. A Narcissist is an individual who is excessively obsessed to have control over all situations in your life. So by being with them, you might even lose your self-identity and self-control. Thus confronting them and getting to know the truth is the only way out to live a life of your own choice.
Can you just ask a Narcissist to tell you the truth?
Yes, absolutely you can ask a narcissist to tell you the truth, but do not expect them to spill the truth straight away. They might not even provide a straightforward answer to you. They handle the situations in their own ways with their own set of rules, especially situations that can unmask them or harm their reputation. They decide what topics to get involved with, whether to engage in it with you or share the reality of the situation.
Narcissists communicate differently and according to their needs. They would never communicate to comfort you, but yes they would come with headstrong arguments when you disappoint them. They do not communicate to strengthen relationships, or connecting, or simply validate others, but they simply do it for getting their needs met. So if you simply expect them to give you the truth then get ready to go on a long road trip leading to manipulation, gaslighting, half-truths, or deceiving lies.
So do not get your hopes high when you simply ask them to tell you the truth as they would be avoiding you or never provide the truth readily. To them maintaining and preserving their masked personalities overrides the need to build and maintain healthy relationships.
Now let us get going to know the tested tips to trick a narcissist into telling the truth,
Tested Ways to Trick a Narcissist into Telling the Truth
1. Feigning Ignorance
The best way to get a narcissist talking is by feigning ignorance of the truth of the matter. Narcissists love correcting someone. So when you deliberately discuss the partial truth of the matter with a mix of the reality, then a narcissist would be impatient to reveal the truth of the situation and prove themselves as more knowledgeable than you.
For instance, just reveal the half-truth of the matter to them, even though you are well aware of the situation like, “I heard the get-together went quite well, there were no bumps” and boom you have done your job. Now the narcissist would automatically spill the complete truth of the matter within no time.
2. Approaching the narcissist when you are calm
Narcissists would deliberately avoid engaging with you when you seem mad or furious. So if you want to get to the depth of the situation and know the reality, then be calm and composed while you approach the narcissist. Using a soft or neutral voice, sophisticated or respectful language, and maintaining eye contact with the narcissist while communicating would help you to gain a narcissist’s attention over the topic that you wish to discuss.
Instead of dragging the topic, or talking to the negative end, you must communicate without involving arguments or raising your voice. It should seem that you are not attacking them by your questions, rather you are just curious about the actuality of the topic or the matter. This would immediately grab a narcissist’s attention and get them to spill the details. You may start the conversation using “I” statements like “I would just wish to discuss last night if you wish so too.” It would be better if you try to end your statement with a question so that the narcissist would have to respond.
3. Use Flattery or spellbind them using cloy words
It is pretty easy to impress a narcissist when your words appeal to them, meaning narcissists have a high sense of self-importance and self-worth, so when you try appreciating their looks, praise their achievements, or simply show some gratitude for any task they might have done for you, then it becomes a simple task to get the truth regarding something from them as they would be spellbound by your words.
For example, you can say, “I know you are too intelligent not to know the truth.” or “You would not have to lie as your smartness would allow you to understand the complexity of the situation and handle it accordingly.” By saying such words of flattery, that either appreciated them on the whole or their intelligence, looks, perspectives or any trait would compel them to involve you in the matter by spilling the truth.
4. Reassure them that it is safe, to tell the truth
A narcissist needs assurance that you would accept them even after what they have been doing or might have done. When they get the surety and security that they are sharing something in a safe place with a safe person, they would admit the truth. Ensure them that the truth would not impact them negatively when they decide to spill the truth.
Narcissists fear abandonment and thus they hide the truth or do not admit to something wrong that might have been done just to keep you or others in their life. So when you assure the narcissist that you would not think less of them or might not leave them then they might gather the courage to tell you the truth or confide in you. Try making statements like, “Do not worry we are good here.” or “Your secrets are undisclosed and safe with me, so just relax.”
5. Use their weakness against them
Narcissists are extra cautious when it comes to managing and maintaining their self-image. They feel that if they are attentive then nothing can harm their grandiose and spotless image. So if you are able to manage to use their weakness against them, they would be encouraged to tell the truth and prove how worthy they are and nothing can degrade their worth. They would feel that their intelligence or their reasoning is being challenged so they would have no option but to present the truth to prove their worthiness.
You might try using statements like, “How come you did not notice this before, I thought you would be smart enough to figure this out.”
6. Ask for simple “YES” or “NO” answers
Keep the conversation short by simply demanding one-word answers to avoid the conversation in other directions, as narcissists are manipulative, and in no time they can completely distract you and take the topic off track. Tell the narcissist clearly that you are more interested in getting straight answers rather than long justifications and explanations. Narcissists would try to manipulate you with excuses, but you be careful of this trick and circle back to the main point real quick.
You can present arguments or statements that can prove the narcissist incorrect and compel them to tell the truth like, “Hey have a look at this chat log, which clearly states that the deadline was yesterday.” or “It is important that we clear out the confusion, please check the schedule that I had mailed you yesterday around 3 P.M.
7. Ask them Open-Ended Questions
Choose open-ended questions to ask rather than simply attacking the narcissist with accusations that may raise their anger. Do not choose directly confront them instead choose questions that make the conversations less attacking and more of self-reflection.
Try asking them questions like, “How did this circumstances make you feel?” or “Were you able to face this when it occurred?”
8. Refuse to accept their apologies
If you are really mad at the narcissist or just ignoring them, then the narcissist would make things right by apologizing so that they do not lose their source of supply if you share a close bond. So by the end of the conversation, the narcissist might definitely try to lure you into forgiving them as this is their evident trick when something goes wrong. They would simply provide fake and heartless apologies instead of acknowledging the issue or discussing it with honesty which may also include telling the truth.
Narcissists would simply think that they are free after committing something that has hurt them just with the help of a mere apology. This would not allow them to repent or acknowledge their mistakes, instead encouraging them to repeat them. If you feign ignorance to their apology they would be more creative and real with their apologies just to gain your attention to their Sorry.
You can ask them directly, “Please do not be sorry, instead just be honest with me.” or “I would only hear you out if you choose to share the truth and nothing else.”
9. Offer them Incentives
Providing a reward can lure anyone to confide or confess. Above that narcissists are self-seeking individuals so they would always be concerned about their own interests and benefits, so lure them into spilling the truth of the situation by highlighting the benefits and advantages of doing so.
For instance, you can ask them, “If you are willing to tell me the truth, I would be able to help you in a better way.” Show that you are not accusing them instead you are willing to help them happily. Put weight on the fact that they are not alone in this and you are by their side. This would clearly emphasize their benefits and would encourage them to tell the truth without worrying much about the consequences.
10. Point out boundaries or agreements that they broke
Start the conversation with facts that they are unable to deny. Show them proof that how they have been breaking boundaries with their constant negative and manipulative behavioral patterns and also state clearly that they cannot be trusted once more. Highlight their past mistakes which were similar and also tell them that they have repeated this evidently thus they cannot be forgiven. By doing so they would agree to commit their fault and also let in the truth of the situation.
You can use statements like, “How can I trust you again when you said the same thing previously regarding the matter.” Try to be as specific as possible with details, including specific dates, times, days, and incidents.
11. Collect evidence in advance
Finding proof of their mistakes and using them to render them defenseless would help you out in this matter of getting the truth from the narcissist. Narcissists are experts at denying or changing their statements regarding some matter but having proof would help you out here.
To prove them guilty of something and make them spill the truth, write down points, that are facts and direct statements from the narcissist. Provide pieces of evidence like e-mails, screenshots of the chat logs, text messages, and images proving them guilty. Try not to present all proof at the same time as there are chances that the narcissist might get defensive and might shut down the situation by throwing a tantrum and be furious. Narcissists are experts at using reverse psychology so also be careful of that here.
What to avoid when trying to get the truth from a Narcissist?
- Avoid expressing sympathy when they are emotional. This way you can avoid falling into their emotionally manipulative trap.
- Do not use aggression instead show your calm side to them and make an appeal.
- A narcissist understands their own language in a better manner, meaning use their own words against them, or if they are providing a silent treatment you also do the same.
In Conclusion
Always calculate the risks before confiding the narcissist to spill the truth. If you find more benefits than risks, then go headstrong in demanding the truth from the narcissist. Also, remember that manipulating the manipulator may come with its own challenges so be cautious of the fact that narcissists are cunning and cloy. Educate yourself about dealing with narcissists beforehand and then dive into the mission of getting the truth from the narcissist along with ensuring your own mental and emotional well-being and safety.
From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.
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