Easy Ways of Getting a Narcissist to do What You Want (Step-by-Step Guide)

Dealing with a Narcissist becomes here by easy as this article is all about knowing some of the easy ways of getting a Narcissist to do what you want. Maintaining and managing a relationship with someone with narcissism or someone who is extremely tough to handle becomes extremely difficult when you are new to the world of such people which is totally surprising and shocking at the same time for you.

When you have no clue how a narcissist can be manipulated into what you want to be done, then you should do things like creating boundaries, creating mindful strategies, rely on or taking support from others like family members, friends, or professionals. If these things or points seem difficult to act upon or are causing some confusion for you then stay tuned and keep reading further, as here below we will be discussing some detailed points to help you achieve the impossible of, “Getting a Narcissist to do what you want”.

What should you be aware of while talking with a narcissist?

Conversations with a narcissist might turn into,

  • Emotional manipulative session of regret
  • Blame sessions based on a narcissist’s opinions
  • Refusal of accepting the responsibility for actions and withholding of accepting ownership of their deeds
  • One-sided conversations (chiefly about the narcissist)
  • Invalidating conversations
  • Judgemental discussions
  • Manipulative chats

Easy Ways of Getting a Narcissist to do What You Want (Step-by-Step Guide)

Together as a society, we have come to recognize that narcissism is a personality disorder that sometimes can have negative impacts on people and society as a whole. It is a natural instinct to find ways of dealing with narcissism in ourselves or others. There can be a few ways to deal with narcissism; one of which is manipulating the narcissist’s narcissistic behavioral tendencies to achieve what a person wants from them.

Everyone has an innate desire to be heard, appreciated or just simply to get things done according to our discretion, and it is nothing different when it comes to dealing with a narcissist.

As human beings, we all do possess an innate desire to be heard, appreciated, or simply to get things done according to our discretion. It is more or less the same with narcissists themselves. Here below is a step-by-step guide to help the readers to know some of the easy ways of getting a Narcissist to do what you want.

1. Building Rapport

Building a rapport with anyone involves finding something in common ground with them and establishing a relationship with them based on trust and mutual respect.

How to establish rapport with the narcissist? – Establishing rapport or building rapport with a narcissist includes taking time to learn about the narcissists in detail, their interests, their needs, and their desires. Finding ways to connect with a narcissist on an emotional level, complimenting them often but not overdoing anything as narcissists can see right through you.

2. Offer them choices

Providing choices to the narcissist may make them feel special as Narcissists hate being told what to do, so giving them choices can be a powerful tool for you too. Instead of making demands or requests, play smart by giving them two or more options that will be leading to the same result that you want.

By giving them options, narcissists feel it that they have control over the situation. Ensure to make the options that you present appealing options rather than making them flashy, as flashy options may make the narcissist disinterested immediately.

3. Using strategic Flattery

Flattery can go a long way when dealing with a narcissist. But using strategic flattery becomes the key aspect here. You could flatter the narcissist by telling them how impressed you are with them or how you do admire certain qualities like leadership qualities, their smartness, your development by being along with them, and much more. Noting some convincing qualities and presenting them in a sophisticated way becomes important here.

Narcissists are very sharp at catching the lies and anything that is fake or being overdone. So be careful here and do not overdo your statements to the extent that they start appearing fake rather than genuine.

4. Appeal to their interests

Narcissist work on the principle of “If it benefits me then it interests me”. They are often interested in those matters from which they are benefited. So apply their trick with them and use this to your benefit by presenting what you have to say or request or demand in a way that appeals to the narcissist and also highlights their benefit too.

Present your demand or request in such a way that it makes the narcissist feel powerful, important, and worthy. Gaining their assurance by presenting your demand as something that is mutually beneficial might interest them in doing what you say or suggest. Use phrases that make the narcissist feel dominant like, “This is definitely going to make us successful” or “This is going to be hit and we are definitely going to be the best in business”.

5. Using Persistence

There is a very thin line between being persistent and being pushy so take care that you do not become pushy while dealing with the narcissist using perseverance. Perseverance is a crucial factor to get what you want from the narcissist.

The major focus here is to know that narcissists are not familiar with the idea of doing something for anyone without getting much benefit. So dealing with perseverance along with making them feel entitled can give success to your plan.

6. Introduce your competitive side here and play along at the narcissist’s pace

Competition is one of the most natural qualities that are inbuilt into a narcissist’s nature. Narcissists have a tendency to always outshine their competitors and thus they might take interest in what you are presenting them.

So how does this evoking the competitive side of the narcissist work in your favor? – It is very simple! Simply say, “If you help me with this or if you accomplish this, then I would brag about your achievements to everyone and also be proud of what you have achieved.

7. Deconstruct your request into an opportunity rather than an obligation

Everyone hates obligations, but when you are dealing with a narcissist, obligations are a big no-no. So keeping this in mind, frame your request in such a way that it looks like an opportunity for growth and success rather than as a compulsory commitment. Highlight their growth factors in the favor or request that you are demanding from them, then it may definitely draw their attention.

8. Acknowledge yourself and get familiar with the term Narcissism that allows you to deal in a better manner with a narcissist

The gist here is to understand what narcissism is and how is it manifested in a person. Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and an excessive need for admiration and attention from others. Simply knowing about narcissism and finding ways to deal with a person manifested with it solves half of the problems here.

Such characteristics make it difficult for narcissist to acknowledge their shortcomings and mistakes. Thus to expect or gain something from a narcissist you might need to use their language or ask in a way that they understand. Using their language, their style of approach, or their ways of handling things might interest them in doing something for you when you put forward your demand.

Realizing that you are dealing with a narcissist, is the prime step to dealing with them. Knowing more about narcissism would definitely teach you some ways to deal with your narcissistic partner without being too noticeable. Knowing more about Narcissism can help you understand your NPD individuals or anybody with NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) better. This is the best and utmost way to cope with a narcissistic person. You can also use some amazing tricks and tactics to handle a narcissistic partner. This is the best way to give them the taste of their own medicine in their own way and also get done what you want to get done.

9. Always approach the narcissist with your best possible approach

Narcissists are naturally drawn to people who reflect or mirror self-importance, success, and accomplishments. This includes dressing well while putting forward your request, overlaying yourself with confidence, maintaining eye contact, and being witty might easily interest the narcissist in what you have to say.

10. Including reverse psychology as one of your approaches

Reverse psychology always works with someone with inflated self-esteem. Using reverse psychology to get what you want to be done is one of the best approaches to dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists would definitely repel direct requests and demands, so to get around the narcissist, you need to present your request as a challenge that the narcissist would not be able to achieve.

If you present it as something that they cannot achieve then you have awakened their competitive and dangerous side. Narcissists love challenges but hate it when you do not believe in their strength of achieving something. So this will trigger and trick the narcissist into what you are requesting them to do.

11. Using validation as a bait

Narcissists crave recognition and praise and they are always looking forward to ways that are successful in feeding their egos. By validating the narcissist’s opinions, you can make them more receptive to your requests, demands, or needs. Just pay attention while throwing the bait of validation at them, as narcissists are very easily able to detect insincerity.

Things to keep in mind while dealing with a Narcissist

  • Staying calm can make a big difference while dealing with a Narcissist.
  • Not using harsh words, can make it smooth to deal with a Narcissist.
  • Creating clear boundaries. This can make a Narcissist angry at first but can make a huge difference in the future for both.
  • Knowing more about Narcissism can make it easy to deal with a Narcissist.
  • Speaking up for oneself but with a careful and smart approach may affect the relationship with a Narcissist in the current scenario, but can ease up the conversation for the future.
  • Dealing with a Narcissist can be difficult at first. A Narcissist is a person who is not ready to accept their wrong or unhealthy behavior towards others, nor do they intend to change any time soon. Neither they are interested in doing anything for anyone else. So it can be a little difficult. But they do give in if they really wish to or are approached with sensible requests. If you deal calmly, transparently, and patiently with them then you can get what you want from them; hence anything can be possibly done when you put in requests in the favor of the narcissist. So there is no harm in trying such a manipulative and tricky approach with them but with careful intentions and without losing the integrity of yourself and the request.


Influencing or forcing a narcissist to do what you want is like an impossible task. Frustration, rage, or definite fights are the most expected reactions from a narcissist when you ask them to do something for you.

But what if those same requests, demands, or commitments are asked by twisting them a little? – Manipulating your requests, demands, or commitments into trick questions or demands using flattery, changing the tone, making it an opportunity rather than an obligation, along with using persistence, appeal, competition, and choices might make this task of convincing the narcissist easier, flexible and uncomplicated.

In conclusion, dealing with a narcissist can be difficult, but it is not impossible altogether if you put a little effort into presenting your requests, needs, and demand. Understanding narcissist tendencies, using the right strategies, using strategic approaches, and never compromising your integrity or values to get what you want. Using such techniques, tips, and tricks you can easily build a working rapport with a narcissist which in turn may develop a relationship with them. This will minimize the number of conflicts and improve your bond and collaboration.

Ella Carrillo

Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field. From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

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