No Contact Revenge for a Narcissist (& Mistakes to Avoid When Going No Contact)

What is No Contact Revenge for a Narcissist? When you are done with narcissistic manipulation and abuse and want to escape the abusive relationship, that is when you feel to at least seek some sort of revenge, get back at a narcissist, or give them a taste of their own medicine. This is when you sought out ways to seek revenge but not with violence but with actions.

Seeking revenge but opting for smart ways becomes crucial while dealing with a narcissistic partner as there can be many unwanted and undesired consequences if at all the narcissist get the slightest hint about your little endeavor to gain little freedom and happiness. So seek ways for getting your revenge but ways that are not dangerous, not much revealing, not identifiable easily or get you in trouble with the narcissist.

There are certain ways in which you can seek revenge with a narcissist, without being much noticeable, or including violence, which are mentioned below,

  • Dating or marrying someone better
  • Ghosting them
  • Directing your hurt, anger, and energy toward something creative, more positive, and constructive.
  • Becoming the best version of yourself and progressing in so many ways can make the narcissist jealous
  • Going complete off-reach or No-Contact
  • Moving on without demanding closure
  • Believing in the karma cycle; if you are a believer
  • Being the bigger person and seeking absolutely no revenge.

Let us discuss one such method if you wish to seek revenge on a narcissist, which is the “No Contact” rule.

When you want to gain your freedom from the claws of a narcissist, that is when you seek the “NO CONTACT” rule, which exactly means

What is the “NO CONTACT” rule? – No Contact Revenge for a Narcissist

The “NO CONTACT” rule means going completely off contact or an off-reach approach with them be it by deleting or blocking them on social media, blocking their phone number, not visiting places that you expect them to be, or even going to extreme limits like switching your grocery stores, taking different metros, or avoiding any activity that you think you might bump into them. This ensures that you keep your distance from them to ease the revenge phase for the hurt they have caused.

Simply hearing about it seems easier, but when you enact the No Contact rule it is quite difficult. Your mind and heart would constantly seem to have a battle about whether to cut the contact off entirely or seek closure, sympathy or the urge to be heard by them for all the pain they have caused or simply gain satisfaction by at least seeing them suffer even if it is through social media. But the inherent factor about narcissists and their behavior is that they do not change or they seldom change. So expecting sympathy or any kind of closure is just pointless.

The “NO CONTACT” rule is your way of saying “Just Not anymore” to the narcissistic abuse, the violence if in case, the manipulative tactics, and being used as a pawn. It is difficult or almost impossible to win against a narcissist through words, or with fights or verbal arguments, but you can win by going wordless, contactless, and reachless. This is how you fight against a narcissist when you are totally done with them.

The no-contact rule is one of the best methods to just forget about an ex-partner or move on from them. You can gain the upper hand by applying the no-contact rule from your side, and ts can injure a narcissist and their ego severely. Here they would not be able to do anything but suffer, and it is you who has control of the situation which is enough to piss them off or make them restless. To get rid of the narcissist, the no-contact rule must stay implemented for a bare minimum of 60 days or more than that. This period is enough for both; for you to move on and for them to stop chasing and hoovering around you.

Going No Contact with a narcissist includes no physical contact,

  • No contacting or staying in touch
  • No calls, texts, and no connections through social media
  • No casual meetups or encounters
  • No more being friends with them
  • No more exchanging gifts
  • Not even meeting them through the mutual social group or gatherings or even family

In short, the “NO CONTACT” rule is staying aloof from all places, people, and things that may eventually end up in chances of meeting or connecting with the narcissist. It is like ghosting them. Going no-contact is very much similar for that matter.

Going No Contact with a narcissist also includes no emotional, spiritual, or any sort of ecstatic contact,

  • No more holding onto any belongings like plants, books, gifts, clothes, or anything that belongs to them which can remind you about them. Just throw them out, or give them to someone in need.
  • Even Photographs can be dangerous while going in no contact. So delete their pictures from your phone, laptop, iPad, tablet, or any sort of storage device gallery, and also discard all the photo frames or any personalized items that may remind you about them.
  • Even daydreaming or hallucinating about them, can be a bad sign. Do not think about them at all. If you find yourself thinking about them, just do something else, think about something else, or focus your mind somewhere else.
  • Reminiscing about them through certain activities you did together, certain movies, sitcoms, or any videos that remind you of them, any places that you both visited together, or even certain favorite spots in the house if you both lived together, everything is a big no-no while going completely no contact with the narcissist.
  • Listening to music that they used to cherish can also be a big no for the no-contact rule.
  • Building up excuses in your mind for their narcissistic behavior, and concluding them to be innocent and a person after they have put you through so many hard times. Not only this; do not let the thought of going back to them or forgoing them instantly come near anywhere in your mind, at least not during the no-contact phase.
  • Re-reading their old text messages or going through your conversations in your mind is also forbidden.

Mistakes to Avoid When Going No Contact

  • The urge or need to seek closure
  • Breaking the contact rule to reinforce the no-contact rule
  • Spying through social media
  • Convincing yourself to get back with them through some excuses
  • Believing that the narcissist is changed
  • Being alone or without any support while reinforcing the no-contact rule
  • Not falling for their tricks like hoovering, chasing, or reappearing

1. The urge or need to seek closure

Narcissists would not sit still and do nothing when you implement the no-contact rule.

When you have been wronged or suffered through something awful in your life, especially relationships, you have a natural instinct to seek closure and know reasons for “why they did what they did”. This comes naturally to everyone, but with a narcissist, you have to just forget about seeking closure as a narcissist is not someone to invest your life in even after breaking up.

If you wish to seek closure, simply do not as seeking closure could be the escape window for the narcissist to enter your life once again, manipulate you, torture you mentally and emotionally, and control your life and also break the tightly enforced No-Contact rule.

2. Breaking the contact rule to reinforce the no-contact rule

If by chance, a narcissist tries to contact you and they get successful in doing so, do not reply to them or talk to them. This is what it means by breaking the contact rule to reinforce the no-contact rule.

It is obvious that the narcissist would not sit still knowing that you are going to no contact, and they would try by all means to break this rule. They would try to contact you from somebody else’s phone, they might visit places that you both used to visit, they might try to influence your family members to develop contact with you, and they might even scare you for financial matters, but do not get swayed and stick to your no-contact rule. Even handle your financial accounts, so that they cannot threaten to forfeit your money through your joint accounts.

3. Spying through social media

Do not even dare to spy through their social media after enforcing the no contact rule as this could indicate that you are falling weak and this can become a weak link for them to re-enter into life. This may seem to have no harm to your no-contact plan, but spying through social media acts like a psychological link for them as they would be expecting you to do so, and even they would do so by knowing your whereabouts, how are you doing, and much more.

4. Convincing yourself to get back with them through some excuses

This would not be easy enough for you to cut complete ties with them as you might have many physical, emotional, and spiritual links with them, but do not convince yourself to get back with them through any excuses.

Give the silent treatment to a narcissist, they would just be vexed by your behavior. Narcissists are the most self-centered beings and every relationship you have with them is just about them and their benefits. So going no contact or cutting contact with them is very important for you to secure your mental peace and happy life ahead. Just be selfish and only think about yourself and your well-being.

Beseeching them would give them power, instead just avoid them and this would just create a commotion and also a feeling to gain back control.

Do not beg a narcissist, go back to them, or be dependent on them by any means. Avoid them, and do not reconcile with them through their shallow promises. Make up your mind firmly and just leave them. This will definitely make them think about you and regret leaving you and somehow miss you as they are used to taking advantage of you and when you cut ties they lose their supply.

5. Believing that the narcissist is changed

Can a narcissist change? The answer is very simple! No, a narcissist would not miss you, as they would just be concerned about obtaining their supply. They would just act all gullible and repentant just to show you and create a scene. Deep down we all know a narcissist seldom changes. They would have no regrets about leaving you, instead, they would be all pent up and agitated about losing their control and supply as you have chosen to go no contact with them.

They would simply put a false act and show you that they have changed just for you, and want you back in their lives. Just remember these points when they persuade you not to break up,

  • Narcissism, no truths, and all lies are all part of the same sentence or are synonyms.
  • When a narcissist feels the need to dominate the situation or try to impress or prove their worth, this is when they resort to all sorts of lies without considering any other fact.
  • Narcissists cannot leave their roots, but yes they can change over a long time. This would need your time, energy, patience, and a lot of compromises.
  • Remember all that mental trauma, mental torture, and the energy drains that you have faced by being with them.
  • They would just be nice to you until they persuade you to get back with them, after that you will again notice their true colors.
  • Just do not fall victim to their innocent lies, sugar-coated promises, and fake sadness just to enhance their impact on you.

6. Being alone or without any support while reinforcing the no-contact rule

Being alone in such no-contact situations is risky and not good for your mental health also, as you would be healing from all the trauma that the narcissist had put you through. So do hesitate to reach out to friends and family for emotional support and also join some prayer groups, visit any worship place, if you are a believer, or join some communities or therapy groups that help in healing and dealing with trauma.

7. Not falling for their tricks like hoovering, chasing, or reappearing

Narcissists try to hoover around their exes or anyone ghosting them and victimize them again, as they cannot let go easily. It can be really difficult to break up or ghost a narcissist as they can blackmail you, take revenge, or hoover around for a long period of time. They do this because they do not want to lose control over their source of supply. And also it is always difficult to date a narcissist due to their anger issues and unhealthy behavior so they have to be dependent on a lot of people to get their supply.

Hoovering is always intended for the emotional ex-partner that a narcissist tries to regain. It is the vulnerabilities that the narcissist takes an advantage of. They would try to remind you of them by their glimpses and presence.

Narcissists are experts at getting revenge. When you try to go no contact with them, they would find the means to hurt you. They would be so worked up about them losing their grip and control of you that they might affirmatively seek revenge. They can try to make you jealous by immediately finding a new partner and showing you that they have already moved past you.

There are many ways to reappear that they can resort to, they might lure you by making you vulnerable for physical intimacy, they would send you presents like flowers, chocolates, or anything dear to you to remind you that they still care for you or they would wait for their chance until your anger melts and you give up the no contact thing.

What happens when you go No-Contact with a Narcissist?

  • Going no contact with a narcissist might result in narcissistic rage
  • They would find all possible means to reach you
  • They would resort to all means to work their way with you again
  • They would attack you when you are vulnerable
  • You can be a victim of a narcissistic hoovering
  • They may even seek revenge
  • They can be malicious
  • They would find reasons to contact you
  • They will resort to manipulative tactics to change your mind
  • They would try reappearing in your life

Will a narcissist come back after you have opted for the no-contact method?

The answer to this question is affirmative. A narcissist would come back at you for many reasons once you have decided to go no contact with them,

  • They might come back as they wish to be the ones breaking things up and not you in order to even up the things.
  • They might simply come back to teach you a lesson for going no contact with them.
  • A narcissist would come back even if it is you who dumped them or ghosted them because they would take an act of revenge in the first place if they truly want to avenge you. But on the contrary, if they really felt any little connection with you, they would try to lure you into their toxic world one more time.
  • A narcissist is always in search of supply, so a Narcissist would always want you to continue to pursue you even if you have ghosted them.
  • Their fear of abandonment makes them come back crawling back to you even if you have ghosted them.
  • A Narcissist craves physical intimacy. They would not tell you this upfront but would try to lure you into physical intimacy. They will try to lure you back even after you have ghosted them just to keep you as an option for intimacy.
  • They need to feel better by sucking the positivity from you and pouring their negativity onto you. So they would definitely return after they have been ghosted by you.

In Conclusion

The “NO CONTACT” rule is your way of saying “Just Not Anymore” to the narcissistic abuse, the violence if in case, the manipulative tactics, and being used as a pawn. It is difficult or almost impossible to win against a narcissist through words, or with fights or verbal arguments, but you can win by going wordless, contactless, and reachless. This is how you fight against a narcissist when you are totally done with them.

So do not melt or give away halfway through and complete the no-contact phase and get your freedom by freeing yourself from the narcissistic relationship.

Ella Carrillo

Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field. From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

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