As a mother when you realize that “My son is married to a narcissist, should I confront him about this?”, “How he might react?”, “Will it save the relationship?” If all these questions include your mind, then this article might help you clear your thoughts and eliminate the worrisome thoughts.
When you acknowledge the fact that your daughter-in-law might be narcissistic, the first step that comes to your mind is confronting your son. So, Should you disclose this to him immediately? Would confronting him about his spouse would do any good? Let us know further.
The first thing that may bother you is your child’s future with their narcissistic partner, their happiness, and the ups and downs he might have to face because of the spouse being a narcissist who is already difficult to be with.
Every parent would always wish and desire the best for their children. Parents take a breath of relief when they see their children growing u to be the responsible adults that they are, finding an appropriate job, achieving goals of life, and finding a suitable match to settle with.
Of course, there would be times when the children might be able to achieve their expected goals or marry a worthy suitor, yet parents would be proud of their children no matter what. So as a parent, if you feel your child is married to someone who displays narcissistic traits, someone who is not suitable for your child, and someone who is full of themselves, then you may get worried without an inch of doubt.
Worrying about children is a natural reaction of parents when they feel their children may not be following the right path, or are involved with a partner who may be hurtful and damaging to both them and the family. So what should you do as a parent when you know your son is married to a narcissist?
Is confronting a good idea, when you know your son is married to a narcissist?
When your child has chosen a narcissistic partner to spend the rest of their lives with, and when you also know such a narcissistic person can be troublesome; do not nitpick it. There is not much left you can do here. You would be the bad person here if you tried to confront them about this. Your child is an adult and has made their choices, so rather than confronting them about this, you better cope with the situation that you are put in.
While dealing with a Narcissist, confrontation is always risky and a not-so-good idea unless you want to create uninvited trouble for yourself or your child. Narcissists run away from the truth and they do not like being told about reality. Narcissists are not good at dealing with truth, feelings, vulnerabilities, and confrontations.
Confrontations may arouse their wrath and they might make a scene. They would be loud and volatile about being confronted. So rather than confronting them, you may either choose to ignore or just side-track the topic or may even leave it altogether. Instead, think of a way that can be a win-win situation for both of you. That can be getting along with the Narcissist and also managing to teach them a taste of their own nasty behavior.
Confronting the Narcissistic partner of your children might create trouble for your child, especially causing them deep scars and damage to their happily married life, as confronting a narcissist may be as bad as running on fumes. So the best way to be around a Narcissistic partner of your children is by coping with their not-so-likable personalities, and you can do this with the help of some below-mentioned points, which can help you in acknowledging their ill-tempered, repulsive, mean, malicious, and unpleasant behavior and also give them a taste of their wrongdoings.
My Son Is Married To A Narcissist – What To Do?
When your child is married to a narcisist, you as a parent may want to guide them and save them from the trauma that they are going to face. But will it be appropriate to confront them? What should be done in such cases,
Here below are a few advice for parents whose children are married to a narcissistic partner,
Make sure your doubt is not just a doubt
When you feel that your son is with a narcissistic partner, make sure that your doubt is indeed the reality. The best way to ensure someone is narcissistic is by consulting mental health experts, therapists, and psychologists and seeking clinical help from them.
Knowing in-depth about narcissism can help a lot.
Narcissism is a personality disorder that is a clinically proven mental health illness, which requires a diagnosis to claim someone as a narcissist. Narcissism comes with a lot many behavioral traits and it just cannot be defined by simply one trait.
What is a Narcissist?
Narcissists are often characterized by their boosted sense of self-importance, self-pride, and self-needs. With a narcissist, everything is just about them. Narcissists thrive upon the attention, adoration, and validation they receive from others, and what distinguishes them is the way they think and behave, which is selfish and mean.
So before pointing fingers at someone, you as a parent should have facts and proof to prove your point, otherwise, this can be a big messy issue with you blaming someone innocent in the case.
Guide them toward the truth of that person
Directly telling your son that they are married to a narcissist, might create an issue in his married life, as blaming may backfire sometimes. Thus try to avoid being direct as much as possible.
You may ask your son to come to you in case of an issue, and if the matter is private and cannot be shared then ask them to be treated in a better manner by the partners.
Once your son starts noticing the malice side of their partners they may be more cautious and limit their access or at least try to reach the truth of the matter themselves.
Try to set up Boundaries
Setting up boundaries is the safest way to deal with and cope with narcissistic partners. If you feel you have problems with your child’s partner, then make sure to develop some healthy boundaries regarding what behavior is acceptable and what is not.
Also make sure to discuss the boundaries that you created with your child too, so that they also know that their partner is somewhat problematic and you as a parent have a way to be away from all the drama and trauma.
Be there for them
Being there for your children is the biggest support you can ever provide as a parent. Let them know that you are and always will be with them if they are facing any hardships in life. Be open and friendly so that your child can approach you no matter what. They know that you are always there for them.
Love your child without any conditions
Love your child without any conditions as they may not be receiving that from their partner. Narcissists love everyone conditionally and thus they may also love your child on conditions.
Keep on reminding your child how much you love them and support them no matter what. Appreciate them, praise them, and be there to support your child in any given condition.
Take care of your grandchildren
When a narcisist is a parent, the child may be suffering directly or indirectly. But you do not need to worry, as you can be the supporter, caregiver, and loving grandparent your grandchildren may need you.
Children raised by narcissists are not left with no choice but to live and be raised in a toxic atmosphere. They may be the default victims of narcissistic abuse as they do not know about what they are being part of nor have the power to protect or defend themselves.
Visit them, call them, and do everything that you can for them. Always offer to babysit them whenever you can if you wish to. Children of narcissistic parents may be suffering because of the narcissistic parent, but you can always be their guiding and protecting force as grandparents.
Suggest Marriage Counseling or Therapy
Your child may or may not realize that they are married to a narcisist. If they do understand, it may take a long time before it gets too late for them. Narcissists often brainwash their victims and convince them the way they want.
If you see and realize that your child is suffering because of their partners, all you can do is suggest some counseling and therapy. A professional therapist can help them more than you can. A professional’s opinion would be accepted more widely and willingly by your child.
It is impossible to expect changes from them while you have a narcisist in your family especially when they are your child’s partner. So learn to work your way out without giving in to their manipulative tactics, do not let it harm your relationship with your child or grandchildren, and remember, “Ignorance is bliss” so disconnect from their toxicity, let go of hurtful and unwanted trauma, comments, moments, and focus on how to make your life merrier even with their presence.
Just remember your child’s hardships who might constantly be juggling and struggling between you and their narcissistic partner, so be available for your child and grandchildren whenever they need you. Maintain good relationships with their narcissistic partners so that it does not affect your other relationships. Just try and be the bigger person here.
Finding ways to deal and coping with the narcissist is a more efficient and smart way of dealing with a narcisist without creating drama.