Help! My Sister is a Narcissist (How to Deal with her?)

by Ella Carrillo · December 3, 2022

Is my sister a narcissist? If yes! then how should I deal with her after knowing that? Help! My Sister is a Narcissist! What would be the consequences if my sister were a Narcissist? Is Narcissism harmful? How do you cope with it? Is it easy to deal with narcissists? If all such questions are popping up in your head, do not worry as we will be providing answers to all such questions.

Having a narcissistic family member around can be difficult especially while growing up. Narcissistic parents usually pass on the legacy of narcissistic traits to their children too, which may affect them in negative ways. But narcissism is much wider than this. It is a mental health condition that is inbred or a person just happens to be affiliated with by being in such an atmosphere, among narcissistic people, or just happen to be associated with them somehow.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition, where the patient has extremely high admiration for their self which includes boosted self-esteem, self-centeredness, high self-worth, boosted ego, and a low tolerance for criticism, emotions, and attachments.

Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder inbred since birth or can be diagnosed at later stages of life too?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be inbred since childhood and symptoms of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) may be observed from an early age. Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be inherited in the later stages of life too by being affiliated with a narcissist or by being in such an atmosphere, among narcissistic people, or just by observing and learning from narcissistic parents.

Often it is observed by mental health experts, that the children raised by narcissists have childhood trauma, which affects their upbringing and also makes the same or even more narcissistic than their parents.

How can a Narcissist be defined?

A Narcissist is an individual who is excessively obsessed to have control over all situations in their life, control over all individuals and their behavior, and also expects everyone around the to focus just on them. They intend to be the center of attraction in all situations. A Narcissist person craves attention all the time, lacks care and empathy, can be rude and blunt, ignores other people’s feelings, and has troubled relationships.

They think the world rotates around them and so they are very ignorant, self-centered, and mean. They cannot think outside the box unless it is according to or in their interest or favor.

How to spot a Narcissist?

Spotting a Narcissist can make it easy for a person to either deal with them in a better way or just ignore them completely. Let us know some key points to spot a Narcissist:

They can be rude and always need to prove their point in every situation.
Arrogance is their nature.
Need constant attention and are desperate to gain it.
Always showing off their achievements and talents.
They lack sensitivity and empathy.
They take advantage of others for their benefit.
They merely care for other people’s feelings unless it involves them.
They think people envy them.
They have high levels of self-importance, self-esteem, and overconfidence.
They think they are the center of the circle they are a part of.
They are self-centric and need immediate attention.
They always need praise, appreciation, and entitlement.

How is it growing up with a narcissistic sibling?

Growing up with a narcissistic sibling can be tough as is. They would make everything about them. You would end up being their mere shadow. Your achievements would be envied and your talents would be overshadowed by their fake entities. They would always try to be the best at everything from being the favorite child to the parents, the adorable and worthy descended of the family, or be it among society.

There are various points that you might face while growing up with a narcissistic sibling, Narcissistic sibling traits;

You two would have a toxic relationship purely based on terms of benefits and favors.
A narcissistic sibling would transfer the blame on you for their wrong deed.
They would claim everything that they want and you might be left with almost nothing in terms of material things.
They would only connect with you when they want something from you.
They would be jealous of your achievements.
They always need to be the center of attraction or the elephant in the room.
You might feel better with them not being around.
They lack emotional connection and display.
They would be mean to you for no reason because of their mood shifts and internal conflicts.
They would make you think that they are the parent’s favorite child and not you.
They would act as a hindrance to your achievements.
They would be competitive ad not happy about your success.
They would take advantage of you.

These are general traits of narcissistic siblings, but let us discuss narcissistic sisters in particular. How is it growing up with a narcissistic sister?

How to spot a narcissistic sister? – Help! My Sister is a Narcissist!

She always wishes to be the center of attraction or is the elephant in the room
Everything is just about her
She would lie recklessly
She would be jealous of you
She would think less of you or believe you are less important than her
She has a sense of entitlement
She would be inconsiderate of your feelings
Her behavior would change when someone is around other than you

1. She always wishes to be the center of attraction or is the elephant in the room

A narcissistic sister would do anything to establish their mere presence and seek attention by all means. They need constant attention and are desperate to gain it. They are the ones who are always showing off their achievements and talents. A narcissistic sister would always lay her ideas on top of yours, would collect all the praises from everyone, and be the center of attraction.

2. Everything is just about her

When you discuss your achievements or your needs with your parents, she would confiscate the attention and the topic and discuss how she had an excellent score or grades, or how she had informed you long back to get her something at the same time you demand something for you. For instance,

When you present your progress, to your parents, your narcissistic sister would immediately interrupt reminding everyone about her progress, or even worse she would be jealous and intimidated by you.

When you demand something from your parents, your sister would interrupt saying no, that she has demanded something first, and after she gets that it is your turn to get something.

3. She would lie recklessly

Narcissistic sisters would lie effortlessly when you ask the doubting something. They would even lie to their parents when they are unable to achieve something. Lying is the instinct of a narcissistic sibling. Narcissists have a very huge ego to satisfy, so they always want to prove a point even if it is by the means of lying. They just consider themselves smarter than others and thus lie recklessly. For instance,

When you ask your narcissistic sister about the money you lent her or the piece of clothing that you gave her to wear the other day, they would lie straight to your face denying that they do not remember any money or the dress. This is how they either hide their mistakes or just prove you wrong. And when you question them irrespective of their reply they would lash out at you, saying you lack trust or you are lying. This is how they even gaslight you.

4. She would be jealous of you

A Narcissistic sister would be jealous of your achievements, your happiness, or even your growth. If you surpass them in any way or by means they would not be happy about it and instead would degrade your achievement with jealous comments or criticism. Your narcissistic sister would just twist the reality of the situation. She would be abusive and irrational but would never accept it rather than keep denying it.

When a narcissistic sister gets envious of you, she would choose rivalry or humiliate you before your family members or friends, or acquaintances when you make them jealous or surpass their expertise.

5. She would think less of you or believe you are less important than her

When it comes to the emotional bonding of siblings or expect that you would be able to connect with your narc sister, you would not be able to as she would think less of you. She just considers herself to be superior, smarter, and ahead of you and thus there can not be an equal bond that you would expect from a sibling.

Even in front of your parents, she would constantly damage your image, or weigh you lesser than her. So in this case, do not go against her just keep proving yourself and you are good to go. A rivalry with a narc sister can be tough on you and can damage your bond.

6. She has a sense of entitlement

The sense of deservingness makes it difficult for a narcissist to go anywhere near the truth and reality. Fakes and lies make them look more promising and greater than others. Narcissist sisters feel they deserve everything special, and nothing less. This habit of entitlement does not allow them to look at the truth or the reality. They prefer lies as lies make them feel better, greater, and something more than others. They have their little cocoon of entitlement and expect that from others too. For instance,

Narcissist sisters think they deserve everything greater and better than you, so they are very demanding.
When a narcissist is proven wrong by someone, and when someone tries to tell them the truth, instead of facing reality they often tell more and more lies to cover up their mistake. They would gaslight you to the extent you feel guilty.

7. She would be inconsiderate of your feelings

There is no emotional bonding when you live with a narcissistic sibling. They have constant mood swings and emotional tantrums. So there is always a lack of emotional support and constant emotional manipulation. A narc sister would manipulate you to achieve anything she wants or wishes. She would use you as a tool just to be greater in front of your parents.

There is no meaning to the word sibling bond when you live with a narc sister. She would be verbally abusive and emotionally unavailable when you need her thus she is inconsiderate of what you feel and how you feel.

8. Her behavior would change when someone around other than you

A narc sister would behave differently around others, but when everyone is not around and it is just her and you, she would reveal her narc side and manipulate you. She would be all sweet, fake, and nice to you in front of others but mean, rude and inconsiderate when no one is around to watch. She would not want to reveal her narc side to anyone so she would play manipulative games and hide behind fake facades. She would talk behind your back to your parents and devaluate you in front of them.

Help! My Sister is a Narcissist – How to Deal with her?

Knowing more about Narcissism

Knowing more about Narcissism can help you understand your NPD individuals or anybody with NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) better. This is the best and utmost way to cope with a narcissistic person. You can also know ways and tricks to handle a narc sister.

Connecting and seeking help from loved ones

Consulting and connecting with people who understand you, and seeking help from others like parents, teachers, friends, or anybody you feel comfortable discussing your matters with can help you a lot. Seek support from your parents or other siblings who are reliable and can understand and support you no matter what.

Disconnecting from her from time to time

Disconnecting from her from time to time can ensure your mental peace. She is part of the family but discusses this firmly with your parents and disconnects from her. Do not talk, call, or connect with her. Silent treatment would work best if you live in the same place, but if you live separately then there would be no problem in going no contact for a while. Letting go of hurtful and unwanted trauma, comments, moments, and life experiences can be a great relief for healing.

Keep yourself busy in self-care

Celebrate your little victories, discuss or reach out to your parents about this, get help from loved ones, consult a therapist, be grateful for what you have rather than what it is not, sleep well, eat well, stay with friends, be positive and live well.

Denial is the key

“No” is the word that a narcissist cannot take. Do not fulfill any of her requests, or run no more errands for her. Be straightforward and do not hesitate to say a firm no when required. This can ensure your mental peace and would freak your narc sister as controlling you is their strong aspect. Do not argue or fight with her, just learn to say a firm no and be busy with your things.

Important Takeaway

It is okay if you have a narcissistic sister, that is not your fault. She is part of the family so support her in ways when she needs help and also support yourself by distancing. She is your family, but yes personal growth, peace, and wellness are also important. So if you have a narc sister do not worry, just be open to her by drawing certain boundaries, clearing differences, and being available to her.

Focusing on positivity, healing, and connecting with other people can help to cope with trauma. Do not compare and just letting go of things and situations can also help a lot. Focusing on yourself, your growth, your interests, and lastly your mental health; is the most crucial part.

Author
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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

Help! My Sister is a Narcissist (How to Deal with her?)

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?