How To Spot and Deal With The Inverted Narcissist?
How to Spot and Deal with the Inverted Narcissist? Inverted narcissists are the narcissist co-dependents or the people who may depend upon narcissists and only narcissists to thrive. Their traits may seem similar or overlapping with that of a covert narcissist, and thus they are often characterized or compared to Covert Narcissists. But they are different indeed.
In some cases, it is observed that individuals that stay with narcissists, become co-dependents. Such co-dependents, indeed become narcissists after falling under their influence. Such codependents are known as “Inverted Narcissists” or “Narcissist-codependent”. Such individuals become a walking narcissist magnet due to their co-dependency on narcissists.
Now a question may arise, does living, having any relationship with them, or being in contact with a narcissist; make you an inverted narcissist? Then the answer is a “No”. Simply being in a relationship with a narcissist does not make you an inverted narcissist.
To be characterized as an inverted narcissist, one must have an unresistible urge to be with a narcissist constantly, despite the trauma, troubles, and tension they put you through.
Covert narcissists may behave differently, but the core remains the same for all narcissists. The end goal for all narcissists is the same. They need a narcissistic supply either in one form or the other. Overt narcissists seek their supply from their victims who may or may not be narcissistic, but inverted narcissists, need a narcissistic someone to be co-dependent.
Some narcissists openly display the traits of a classic narcissist, while some are introverted and shy, and would not display these traits in the same way as the overt or the regular narcissist.
Have you come across someone who seems to have no confidence and constantly keeps pulling themselves down to seek attention or to avoid attention? Such behavior may seem confusing to some people, but some inverted narcissists keep degrading themselves to draw attention.
What is an Inverted Narcissist?
Inverted narcissists are those individuals who CRAVE other narcissists meaning they depend on other narcissists to originate a relationship and validate their entire existence by being with a narcissist. They cannot be in a relationship with someone who is not a narcissist or does not possess narcissistic traits.
They are the narcissist’s co-dependents, who may rely on other narcissists to live a thriving life even though they may constantly be abused, violated, emotionally tortured, or traumatized by the narcissists.
Inverted narcissists might always think about the narcissist they are in a relationship with, prioritize their needs first, and feel how they feel, so much so that they might even ignore their own emotions.
In many cases, they also struggle with low self-esteem, fear of displeasing or upsetting the classic narcissist, and a constant fear of abandonment. They constantly fear being left alone and hence they do everything to keep them pleased. Not only narcissists, but inverted narcissists might prioritize others over themselves in all matters.
They are shy, submissive, and sensitive by nature, but they do possess this irresistible charm, that they use to attract the person; usually, a classic narcissist in most cases, as inverted narcissists choose the classic narcissists who are extroverts and outgoing which are the usual behavioral patterns of grandiose or an overt narcissist for their co-dependency.
Inverted narcissists are usually people who are either raised by a narcissistic parent or are constantly in contact with a narcissistic person on purpose, due to which they have learned to provide the “narcissistic supply” to them.
They have become the experts in providing or becoming the source of narcissistic supply, which is enough to attract narcissists to be codependent. Inverted narcissists are introverted, yet they are charismatic, charming, and manipulative.
The classic narcissists often seek such people who readily provide them with what they wish, thus a couple that includes an overt narcissist and an inverted narcissist may seem like a match made in heaven, as both partners provide what the other craves.
Inverted narcissists are individuals that attract narcissists, for their codependency and thus they are emotionally dependent or emotionally clingy to the classic narcissists.
Thus inverted narcissists deliberately seek relationships with narcissists and solely narcissists even if they may have to suffer at their hands for as long as they live. They may never feel that feeling of being happy and fulfilled in a relationship unless they seek a relationship with another narcissist.
Their bitter and traumatic past relationship experiences provide them the vigor to seek someone who is an upgraded version of their previous partners. Thus they seek someone who has more and more narcissistic qualities each time they partner up or are involved in a relationship.
How To Spot and Deal With The Inverted Narcissist?
It may be a little challenging for an inverted narcissist at first sight because they come across as humble, kind, empathetic, and friendly. But their narcissistic traits may not be kept under covers for long. Here are a few generic traits to spot an inverted narcissist,
How to spot the Inverted Narcissist?
As inverted narcissism is a type of codependency, all these traits may be similar to that of co-dependent,
Being overly Sensitive – Inverted narcissists are often too sensitive to other people’s needs. They are easily hurt emotionally and may also take things personally. They find it difficult to face criticism and negative feedback.
Extreme shyness – Narcissists are extremely shy hence they get awkward while having social interactions. They may often feel alone, isolated, and left out. Their introverted nature can make it difficult for them to express themselves.
Difficulty saying No – They have a difficult time maintaining and setting boundaries, or thus making responsible decisions may be challenging for them. Thus they simply cannot say no to others.
Enabling and Granting Behavior – As they are constantly dependent on the narcissists to be happy and feel fulfilled, inverted narcissists have a good tolerance for bad behavior that may be destructive for themselves. They may also tolerate substance abuse and can hardly deny that it destroys them.
Difficulty setting boundaries – Inverted narcissists always put people’s needs first, and thus they often end up crossing personal boundaries more than often.
Social Withdrawal – Inverted narcissists are socially withdrawn individuals, as they feel they might not fit in with people.
Co-dependency – Inverted narcissists are usually clingy. They are used to the trauma, drama, manipulation, and abuse that might be inflicted upon them by their partners as they cannot be with anyone but narcissists.
How to deal with the Inverted Narcissist?
When you have an inverted narcissist around you, dealing with and helping them is crucial. As they are too shy to even call out for help, here are a few things you can do that can help them,
Maintain Boundaries
It is crucial to develop and maintain clear boundaries with inverted narcissists. This ensures their and your well-being. Establishing boundaries includes limiting your communication, not getting trapped in their manipulative actions, limiting your emotional responses, and re-establishing boundaries when required.
Join a Support Group
One of the best ways to cope with any traumatic circumstance in life is by joining a support group. This can provide validation, empathy, and a network of people who can you cope with trauma. Seeking professional help would open new ways to heal thus do not hesitate to seek help from professionals.
Focus on Self-care
Self-care is the foremost step towards healing. Taking care of yourself ensures your physical well-being and strengthens your emotional health. There are ways to deal with the inverted narcissist,
- Taking a break from the toxic relationship
- Maintaining a support system that includes family members and friends
- Learn to say “NO”
- Maintain a safe distance from substance abuse
- Exercise daily and eat healthy
When a narcissist is involved in your life, they can invade your self-respect, self-esteem, and your self-pride. You start feeling worthless as they make you believe so. They shatter your self-image and make you completely dependent on them to seek validation before making any decisions. They always prove that they are superior to you and thus sabotage your self-esteem.
Protect your physical health by opting for exercising, gymming, doing yoga, and all such options. To protect your mental health focus and prioritize your own needs love others, seek help, and involve yourself with other people to save your self-worth.
Therapy
Therapy can be helpful to both, for you to cope with trauma and for the inverted narcissists as well as to work with their root issues. Therapy can also open many opportunities to address the underlying issues in the relationship.
Some common therapies include,
- Couples Counselling
- Cognitive Behavior Therapy
- Psychodynamic Therapy
Stay Calm when they are trying to aggravate the situation
Riling up situations just to aggravate you is their power move just to get on your nerves. It is just a part of their toxic game, to get a reaction out of you as this provides them a narcissistic supply. Do not engage in any kind of drama, passive-aggressive arguments, or disagreements.
How is inverted narcissism different from other types?
Inverted narcissism may seem similar to Covert narcissism, but it is not. There is an overlap of various traits for both types that include, fear of abandonment, rejection, a constant need for validation, and different approaches to obtain narcissistic supply.
Covert narcissists are characterized by a strong sense of self-importance, a sense of entitlement, an urge to manipulate others to exploit them, passive aggression, and similar traits as that of an overt narcissist. Despite all these traits, they present themselves as someone with a calmer and subtle presence which makes it difficult to identify them. They often hide their real personalities behind a mask of introversion, shyness, and a withdrawing personality.
Inverted Narcissists, on the other hand, are those individuals who CRAVE other narcissists meaning they depend on other narcissists to originate a relationship and validate their entire existence by being with a narcissist. They cannot be in a relationship with someone who is not a narcissist or does not possess narcissistic traits.
They are the narcissist’s co-dependents, who may rely on other narcissists to live a thriving life even though they may constantly be abused, violated, emotionally tortured, or traumatized by the narcissists.
Thus the major difference is that inverted narcissism may have similar traits to that of covert narcissism, but the main point that differentiates them is the pattern of choosing friends, partners, or acquaintances who are all narcissists in the case of inverted narcissists.
How can the inverted narcissist affect your life?
Inverted narcissists may seem calm and less harmful than the classic narcissist, but it is not so. They affect their victim’s life equally. A few negative impacts include,
Manipulating and Controlling their victims – Like all narcissists, inverted narcissists love controlling and manipulative conduct. Thus they can hinder your decision-making processes.
Decreased quality of life – Having a controlling and manipulative narcissist around you automatically affects your happiness, and self-esteem and disrupts your self-perception.
Sabotaging your relationships – Narcissists commonly isolate their victims and thus it is not any different from inverted narcissism.
Gaslighting – Living with a narcissist is like constantly living in a distorted reality.
What are the causes of Inverted Narcissism?
Potential factors may include,
- Neglecting Parents
- Codependency
- Childhood Trauma
- Invalidation
- Low self-esteem
The causes of narcissism may vary for different individuals. It is usually caused by emotional neglect, psychological trauma, neglected childhood, or any sort of traumatic event.
Final Thoughts
To be characterized as an inverted narcissist, one must have an unresistible urge to be with a narcissist constantly, despite the trauma, troubles, and tension they put you through.
They are the narcissist’s co-dependents, who may rely on other narcissists to live a thriving life even though they may constantly be abused, violated, emotionally tortured, or traumatized by the narcissists.
It may be a little challenging for an inverted narcissist at first sight because they come across as humble, kind, empathetic, and friendly. But their narcissistic traits may not be kept under covers for long. The above-mentioned points would be helpful to you for spotting them.
Inverted narcissism may seem similar to Covert narcissism, but it is not. There is an overlap of various traits but the main point that differentiates them is the pattern of choosing friends, partners, or acquaintances who are all narcissists in the case of inverted narcissists.
From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.
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