5 Ways To Stay Sane While Dealing With A Narcissistic Mother-In-Law

by Ella Carrillo · January 22, 2024

Dealing with a narcissist can make you lose your cool and sanity, especially if that narcissist is your mother-in-law. Here are 5 ways to stay sane while dealing with a narcissistic mother-in-law.

Now you may not recognize hiding behind the fake personality of your mother-in-law, but as you stay with her you may realize that her behavior is not normal. You may start recognizing their manipulative tactics.

How do you recognize a narcissistic mother-in-law?

To have a happy household, the relationship between family members needs to be simple and easygoing, especially the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law. An understanding mother-in-law would be easy to deal with.

But what would you do even after making tonnes of efforts to get along with her, your mother-in-law always has a problem with you. Whatever you do, the gap between you and your mother-in-law does not fill up.

Now, there is a possibility here, that your mother-in-law can be narcissistic, but she may never accept this. It might take time for you to realize that there is some problem, but you may not be able to figure it out in an instant.

After spending some time with her, you might feel you are mistreated, or not given enough importance and credit for whatever you do. When you have given enough time to your marriage, especially the family if you still are unhappy with the way they behave with you or the ways they treat you, know that it might be a problem with them and do not evaluate yourself.

No matter how hard you try, whatever you do you are unable to impress your in-laws, and somehow you end up being the bearer of wrongdoings according to them. They would be interfering in your married life, even controlling your partner. They might also try to establish their control over you.

A narcissistic mother can have an acute or shallow relationship with her children, which can also be implied to you as your mother-in-law. Thus here are a few signs through which you can recognize a toxic mother-in-law hidden behind the sweet-to-the-face personality,

She can be verbally abusive.
All conversations with her might end up in fights or silent treatment.
She is controlling and overpowering.
Arrogance and anger are her first reaction to any problems caused by you.
No matter how hard you try, whatever you do you are unable to impress her.
She is self-centric and needs constant attention and praise.
She would be interfering in your married life, even controlling your partner.
She has unhealthy relations with relatives.
She gets irritated and has drastic mood shifts.
She would be biased and not treat you equally.
She lacks sensitivity and empathy.
She always expects more from you and is never satisfied with you.
She would tell made-up tales and lies about you.
She disregards your ideas, opinions, and achievements.
She loves to play favorites.
She would not help you.
You would be walking on eggshells around her.
She criticizes your parenting style and lifestyle choices.

These are a few generic signs to note while living with an abusive mother-in-law. All individuals may display varying signs, you may also want to acknowledge yourself regarding narcissism through books, research studies, or even seek help from mental health experts.

5 Ways To Stay Sane While Dealing With A Narcissistic Mother-In-Law

Now after knowing how to recognize a narcissistic mother-in-law, here are 5 ways that can keep you sane while you deal with her,

Give up on changing your mother-in-law

Expecting that a person may change, especially a toxic narcissistic mother-in-law is futile. You may have expected a little too much here. Disruptive her behavioral patterns and asking her to foster new positive changes may never work out for you.

Changing someone who is not narcissistic can still be expected for once, but changing a narcissist is impossible. Your narcissistic mother-in-law would expect you to change instead of changing her approach towards you.

To incorporate changes, a person may need self-control and an acceptance of being incorrect or inept. Both of these are impossible to accept for a narcissist.

It is impossible to expect changes in the case of a narcissistic mother-in-law, so learn to work your way out without giving in to their manipulative tactics, do not let it harm your relationship with your partner, and remember, “Ignorance is bliss” so disconnect from her toxicity, let go of hurtful and unwanted trauma, comments, moments, and focus on how to make your life merrier even with their presence.

Do not blame yourself

With your narcissistic mother-in-law’s constant bickering and criticism, you may start feeling that you may be good for nothing. Do not let her control you. When someone is constantly criticized, blamed, and questioned for their ways, they might start doubting themselves.

Just drop all those negative thoughts because you are not responsible for everything that does not go according to your mother-in-law’s plans. A narcissistic mother-in-law can be arrogant, too much to handle and toxic.

Constantly being with a such person can affect you and you may always blame yourself for everything whenever something goes wrong. You do not always have to feel responsible for what is happening around you.

You must realize here that it is not your fault and it is not your responsibility to fix every problem around you. So if a situation does not involve you, try not to be obligated and involved with it. Blaming yourself can only reinforce the narcissistic mother-in-law’s abuse and degrade your self-worth.

Stay assertive in your approach

Staying assertive and positive in your approach toward life would definitely help you navigate troublesome situations that involve your mother-in-law. Staying positive can help you find ways that may help you in keeping your cool and be happy in life.

In many cases, it so happens that even the other family members are aware of your narcissistic mother-in-law’s toxic nature, and thus they may also be hinting to you and providing you with ways to cope with her abusive nature. Thus you may also not need to prove to everyone about her wrongdoings.

When some issue takes place, inform your partner and other family members beforehand so that the situation can be solved with your family members supporting you.

Become less accessible to her

When you start to distance yourself from a toxic atmosphere, you automatically become free from its influence on you. The same goes with your mother-in-law, when you distance yourself from her, you may save yourself from her emotional tantrums, traumatic situations, and toxicity.

They can isolate you and corner you with their toxic thoughts and behavior and also condition other family members to believe so. They may act like they care about you but do remember here that narcissists can fake it to make you believe anything they want.

Keeping your distance is the safest way to deal with a Narcissistic Mother-in-Law. Do not get too much involved or be outspoken in front of her. Do not even discuss too much with her, as she can ruin your plans too.

Nobody likes nosy people, especially someone who constantly interferes with your life. In the same way, do not allow her to interfere in your married life, if you do not keep your married life private, then just be prepared for some uninvited trouble that your Narcissistic mother-in-law might create.

Do not try to get close to her more than required, do not blindly allow her to take advantage of you just for the sake of the relationship, do not let her dominate all situations, do not tolerate her nasty behavior all the time, maintain your peace by keeping a safe distance from her by setting some firm boundaries from the beginning.

Take a step towards mental wellness

You can only take a step toward wellness when you know with whom or what you have to deal with. Thus to care for yourself, first you need to acknowledge more regarding narcissism.

Knowing more about Narcissism can help you understand your NPD individuals better. This is the best and utmost way to cope with a narcissistic person. You can also learn ways and tricks to handle a narcissistic mother-in-law.

Once you know enough, you may start to find ways to cope with your toxic in-laws. Once you find ways you may start to realize that mental wellness, peace, and happiness only come when you detach yourself from her.

Disconnecting from her trauma from time to time can ensure your mental peace. She is part of the family but discuss this firmly with your partner and family and disconnect from her for a while. Letting go of hurtful and unwanted trauma, comments, moments, and life experiences can be a great relief for healing.

Setting boundaries might ensure your mental wellness. Setting firm boundaries might initially upset your narcissistic mother-in-law, but with time this would ensure your mental peace, individuality, privacy, and worth.

Final Thoughts

When you know, you have to deal with a narcissistic mother-in-law, you will need to find ways either to cope with her or annoy her to gain some peace, as you would never be able to beat her at her own game. So you might as well reduce her influence on your life by irritating her or annoying her with some tricks. If she can play her toxic little games then so can you.

Author
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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

5 Ways To Stay Sane While Dealing With A Narcissistic Mother-In-Law

How do you recognize a narcissistic mother-in-law?