5 Signs You May Be In An Affair With A Narcissist

Has your relationship given you a feeling lately that your energy, health, and peace are at stake? Has this thought crossed your mind that you may be in an uncalled affair with a narcissist? If you feel you are dating a toxic person, who may or may not be suffering through narcissism, here are some signs you may be in an affair with a Narcissist to be rest assured.

Dating a narcissist can take a toll on your mental health as narcissists are toxic and abusive partners. A long-term relationship with a narcissist can leave lasting effects on your mind, body, and soul.

You may be suspicious of your partner’s intentions from the gut feeling but your heart may be stopping you from doubting them. However, the harder you try not to suspect your partner’s intentions, you end up straining your thoughts and having disturbed mental health.

If you feel the person you are having an affair with has been a bad influence on your mental health, then you may want to part ways with such a person who can probably be a narcissist.

To know whether you are dealing with a narcissist, here is an understanding of narcissism and narcissists,

A word about narcissism and narcissists

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition that is clinically diagnosable to tag someone as a narcissist. Narcissists have an unreasonably higher sense of self so much so that they might not care about anything else but themselves.

So if you are having an affair with a narcissist you must understand how their psychology works. They have a stronger sense of self due to which they have traits like feeling entitled, having grandiose self-esteem, need for validation and praise, and an urge to manipulate people around them for their benefit.

Narcissism comes with a lot many behavioral traits and it just cannot be defined by simply one trait. Let us know a list of traits that define narcissism,

  • Exaggerated sense of self
  • A constant need for attention and validation
  • Lack of Boundaries
  • Superiority and Entitlement
  • Blame Deflection and lack of responsibility
  • Lack of Empathy
  • Anxiety
  • Arrogance
  • Constant manipulation

How to know if you are in an affair with a narcissist? Is it possible to recognize someone with narcissistic traits?

It is time to break down the signs to look for in a narcissistic partner and decide further for yourself how to direct the relationship.

How to know if you are in an affair with a narcissist?

You may gravitate towards narcissists as their energy, aura, and personality are constantly pulling you towards them. They are the center of attention wherever they go, and thus they can easily charm people around them.

The primary experience of dating a narcissist can give you butterflies in your stomach, you may feel you have found the one, and the world seems to be more endearing because you have found someone who loves you.

You may be pampered, showered with flattery, cared and loved. You may feel like you may have reached the peak of happiness with them and they might be the most important person to you.

But as the relationship moves forward, you may soon realize that the initial charm is gone, and it is not the same as it was. The relationship has been more harmful than being good for you.

Along with this other signs may help your doubts turn into concrete thoughts,

5 Signs You May Be In An Affair With A Narcissist

Here are a few signs of a narcissistic partner,

1. Your partner is always right, or at least they think they are ALWAYS right.

Are you the one always apologizing to your partner even if it is not your fault? Does this situation look familiar?

A narcissistic partner would think they are always right and would never apologize. They might lose their calm if you argue with them about some matter. They may victimize themselves even if they are the culprit.

People with narcissistic tendencies, cannot handle being wrong. They need to be always right. They cannot admit their fault because it may lessen their perception of being the perfect partner one could ever ask for.

With a narcissistic affair partner, you may feel that you are silencing a certain part of your personality and are unable to speak the truth for yourself, then it is high time you start noticing the red flags.

You may have done this to avoid conflict and let the relationship be peaceful as your minutest argument can create havoc in the relationship. This happens because you may be dating an ego-driven narcissist who may never be able to accept their mistakes.

If you try to retaliate with your affair partner you may face,

  • Anger
  • Uncalled arguments
  • Zero compromises
  • A step down from responsibilities
  • Ignorance of what you have to say
  • Walking on eggshells around them
  • Drained energy

Subconsciously you may be silencing yourself and accepting the blame so that your affair partner does not leave you for someone else, or go back to their exes. When you have an affair with a narcissist, they may always try to keep you in the relationship by making you feel guilty about being the “other man or the other woman”.

If this happens to you, you can take it as a red flag and reconsider your choices.

2. Being around your affair partner drains your energy and soul

You may have felt initially that you found your soulmate in your affair partner, only to feel emotionally broken later as they are unable to understand your feelings.

Do you feel that your energy levels have been dripping after you spend time with your affair partner? This happens because they may be criticizing you, and controlling you.

If you feel emotionally exhausted, negatively impacted, lacking, disempowered, drained out of positivity, and substantially down, then this can be a sign that you may be in an affair with a narcissistic partner who might be sucking positivity and emotions out of you.

The relationship might have started being unhealthy as their behavior may be constantly making you feel worse about yourself. They may make you feel less worthy, your self-doubts be on the rise, you may start living very consciously so that you do not upset them, and you always second guess yourself.

You may feel that this relationship has negatively impacted you more than your previous relationship. And if you ever think of leaving, you may be mirrored with thoughts of shame, guilt, and doubts about being the other one, or the mistress or a mantress.

If you feel you are trapped in a loop of doubts, you must take it as a sign of an abusive affair and leave your partner for good.

3. You are on a constant roller coaster of emotions

Has your affair made you feel that you are riding a roller coaster of emotional ups and downs? Being in an affair may bring you emotions of being exposed and doubts, but an affair with someone who is a narcissist can bring hail storms or emotional turmoil.

You might have to hide your secret affair from your friends, family, or anyone close and you might constantly be worried that your secret should not slip out as the narcissist’s edgy behavior may make you anxious.

The relationship gets messier daily; thus, you may try different perspectives yet find yourself stuck in a loop of a toxic relationship.

Narcissists can be some of the most challenging partners ever encountered, as they may be flattering at the beginning of the relationship. Still, as the relationship progresses they begin to exhibit their real manipulative and abusive identities.

One moment they would treat you like a treasure, and next trash. Your affair with a narcissist may be filled with crazy ups and downs which also makes it difficult to heal emotionally. The emotional harm may subside all other miseries in your life. Thus you may constantly be struggling with delusional thoughts of leaving them and being with them despite the hardships.

Thus if you feel you are stuck in a similar situation ask yourself if the relationship worth taking the emotional and mental health toll.

4. Your affair partner talks down to you

Whatever you do, achieve, or work out, you may never be enough for your affair partner. You may always be lacking in their eyes. You may constantly be devalued and led down by them.

They may regularly insult you, putting your self-worth on line, making you feel you are good for nothing, and you are an unsatisfactory choice for them. If your partner makes you feel so, then your partner may possess some narcissistic traits that would be guiding their behavior.

They may scrap out the very last bit of self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence that you might have. As if that is not enough, they may also be insulting you publically and make you feel that they are far superior to you and you have hit a jackpot by gaining them.

If you have performance anxiety while you are with them or feel pressured to perform your best every time you are with your narcissistic affair partner, then this is an issue and you may need to work on it. If someone stresses you out that may be unhealthy for you.

A plant may not be able to flourish on a barren land, similarly, you may never have a positive growth in such a toxic relationship. So make your decision wisely.

5. Your affair partner went that extra mile to pull you into the relationship

Every day a cheesy good morning text, constant chatting in between the day, a romantic good night text, flowers, chocolates, dinner dates, brunches, cheesy conversations, and romantic memories for a lifetime, and suddenly all went down the drain as the efforts stopped as you agree to be their love affair; does this ring a bell?

If yes, then maybe you need to revise your decision and take a moment to think here, why was it all smooth and dreamy at the beginning of your affair, but a bumpy road since you decided to date your affair partner?

Your partner may or may not be a narcissist as far as their behavior is concerned, but this behavior certainly is not healthy. A healthy relationship includes respect, love, and understanding throughout the relationship and not just to lure in victims.

If this happened to you too, initially you were overwhelmed with feelings, emotions, gifts, and love but as soon as you decided to give it a try, all the efforts gradually vanished, and since then you have been treated differently in an unhealthy manner; then there is a possibility that your affair partner can be a narcissist.

What would you do if your affair partner had narcissistic traits?

Now that you are aware of the signs, you must acknowledge the issues without denying the reality. If you do not admit it, you cannot deal with the issues. Thus accept the facts and deal with them by trying to cope with the tendencies.

Ask these questions to yourself and assure yourself,

  • Does your affair partner act as if they are perfect and whatever they are valuable and right?
  • Does being with them drain you emotionally?
  • Are you going through an emotional turmoil because of them?
  • Are you talked down and insulted by them every day?
  • Were you lured into the relationship? Did they try their best and their efforts have not been the same since you agreed to date them?

When is the right time to move on from such an affair?

Being in an affair may seem draining and you may feel you are constantly stuck in a loop of toxicity and there is no way out of it.

This is not true, there is always a way out of every problem and you need not worry as therapists, support systems like your family, friends, and loved ones, and recovery coaches can help you heal yourself.

Final Thoughts

Dating a narcissist can take a toll on your mental health as narcissists are toxic and abusive partners. A long-term relationship with a narcissist can leave lasting effects on your mind, body, and soul.

If you feel the person you are having an affair with has been a bad influence on your mental health, then you may want to part ways with such a person who can probably be a narcissist.

Breaking up the toxic cycle of abuse by a narcissist can be a cynical and delusional process, but once you gather the strength it is not impossible.

Notice all the red flags, when they are so clear to you. Do not get brainwashed or do not get caught up in the fog of a narcissist’s atmosphere of lies and excuses.

Ella Carrillo

Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field. From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

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