7 Signs Of Being Raised By Narcissists- How It May Affect Adulthood?
Do narcissists raise narcissists? Yes! The probabilities are higher so let us know some signs of being raised by Narcissists and how it may affect Adulthood.
Narcissistic parents are lamentable parents and they may never put their child’s needs in the priority. Their selfish, self-obsessed, and egotistic selves may never allow them to prioritize anybody else than themselves.
Narcissistic parents can be agonizing as they create their share of agony, problems, and suffering for their children. They can leave a deep impact on their children’s lives, especially during the childhood period. Here are a few signs to recognize narcissistic parents who may or may not be responsible for the traumatic childhood that you might have had.
When you have a narcissistic parent, your childhood and coming years may be difficult having someone manipulative around all the time. You would be always expected to fulfill their expectations and bring pride to the family even at the cost of your well-being. You may lose yourself in trying to please them, but the sooner you realize the better it is.
7 Signs of Being Raised by Narcissists
Here are a few signs that you were raised by narcissists,
1. You did not know what was real and whether it was your imagination
You may doubt yourself when narcissistic parents raise you as they would judge your every decision and move and thus shatter your self-confidence. They would gaslight into situations that may confuse you, about being real or just an imagination. They may twist the truth and make you question the reality.
Children of narcissistic parents may doubt themselves, making them wonder whether their decisions are apt or they lose their sanity. Some examples of gaslighting statements may include,
- Accusing you of making up things in your mind and deviating your attention.
- Using your words against you or twisting the truth.
2. You are too worried about displeasing them
Children have the urge to please their parents and it is a human instinct to please everyone around you, but when you have narcissistic parents, you live with a fear of displeasing them. This fear may have developed because you might have observed how others were treated when they upset them.
Narcissistic parents are tough on their children as they want them to excel at everything in life so that they help maintain their perfect high-end image. They may be less worried about their child’s growth but more worried about how they may ruin their grandiose social image.
Narcissistic parents would also punish their children and those punishments can be harsh, thus a fear of being punished would also make children try harder not to displease their parents.
As their worth is never given enough credit, children of Narcissistic parents have very low self-esteem and are insecure about what others especially their parents would think of them.
As they were never given enough credit or praise for expressing themselves openly while growing up, they are unsure about their self-worth. Narcissistic parents always fear that their children might bring them shame, so they never allow them to do anything freely without their consent.
3. Their behavior was Hot and Cold
When they needed you, they were overly attached to you and showered with care, affection, concern, and love. This is what is called “Love bombing”. Narcissistic parents often are friendly, super nice, and lovable when they need you to do something or when you have achieved something that brings them glory. This behavior is often short-term and may not last longer.
Their behavior may change in no time when you do something that displeases them and brings them defamation. They would treat you coldly and you would often face their silent treatment. They may also punish you which can cause you emotional harm. This is their mood most of the time as they are hardly proud and are dissatisfied with how their children are progressing.
Whatever you do may not be enough for them, thus you may have to prove your worth by making multiple efforts. You may experience their hot and cold behavior as a child and even as an adult. Thus you may always be ” just trying harder” for them to treat you better.
4. They did No Wrong
Narcissists have a mentality of a victim, thus it justifies defensive behavior, lashing out at people, denying the blame, blameshifting, and a never-ending urge to maintain a perfect self. Narcissistic parents do have a sense of shame and inadequacy, but they may never accept it.
Even though narcissistic parents would acknowledge their shortcomings they may never admit it. So if have narcissistic parents, you would be responsible for anything that happens wrong in their life. You may be blamed for many things that may not be your fault.
5. Their love for you is conditional
Love comes with conditions when you have narcissistic parents. Narcissistic parents display love, but more often they use it to exploit their family members, especially their children, to get things done. They may withdraw attention and affection whenever the child opposes their ideas and wishes.
You may feel and learn the meaning of the term unloved as you may feel that you are unloved by your parents. You may also notice that things or actions that may bring them pride are of utmost importance. You may also be sidetracked when it is about their grandiose image.
For instance,
If you achieve something great in life then you may be valued greatly by them and also celebrated by them, but if you are an average student, an underachiever person in life then they may prefer to ignore or conceal your achievements because they may be small or average.
6. Their reputation was your responsibility
Narcissists thrive on attention, validation, admiration, and focus they receive from others and they also expect their children to help them maintain their perfect and grandiose image. They see their children as their extensions and thus doing anything that brings them shame or guilt would be out of option.
You always had to be the perfect child and were expected to bring glory to the family by,
- Bringing in abundant success
- Monetary benefits
- Being the perfect child that completes their perfect family image
- Maintaining an ideal look by taking care of your appearance, performance, and caliber
- Maintaining the privacy of family affairs
- Being punished severely for bringing embarrassment
7. They expected you to agree with them ALWAYS
Narcissists have fragile egos, and if you have a different opinion, idea, or way then you may be perceived as a threat to their grandiosity.
Children of narcissistic parents find it difficult to put their thoughts with confidence. They often hide their feelings or always suppress them as they know no one will be there to listen to them. Such children are punished when they express themselves, they always get a nodding no head for whatever they want to do or say, thus making it difficult for them to open up in front of everyone.
As their worth is never given enough credit, children of Narcissistic parents have very low self-esteem and are insecure about what others would think of them. As they were never given enough credit or praise for expressing themselves openly while growing up, they are unsure about their self-worth. Narcissistic parents always fear that their children might bring them shame, so they never allow them to do anything freely without their consent.
Thus you may have noticed your narcissistic parent turn cold, angry, and cruel when you disagree with them.
Effects of Being Raised by Narcissists
The effects of being raised by narcissists may depend on the degree of narcissism and how it affects the life of the narcissists. It may also depend on the amount of time you may have spent with your narcissistic parents or guardians.
Narcissistic parents may willingly or unwillingly inflict pain and long-term wounds in the form of psychological trauma through their behavior. People who are the closest to the narcissist bear the most pain from them. Children are always vulnerable and closest to their parents thus they can be easily targeted by narcissistic parents.
It may also vary depending on the support you might have had. The more the degree of narcissism, the more time spent with them, and lesser support may affect you negatively and may also leave negative impacts on you.
Here are some issues that may be caused because of being raised by a narcissist,
- Trust issues – Narcissistic parents are secretive, emotionally unavailable, and full of insecurities and thus they may never trust you fully. Similarly, you may also be unable to trust anyone as you were never trusted.
- Needing validation from other people – Narcissistic children inherit narcissism from their parents, thus gaining all their narcissistic traits from them. One such trait is always seeking validation from others and trying to prove their worth. Always trying to prove they are perfect in whatever they do and others should appreciate them all the time.
- Being a perfectionist – Narcissistic parents have unbelievably high standards and they force their children to be perfectionists which can also result in lower self-confidence due to an inferior performance in life.
- Difficulty in expressing their feelings – Children of narcissistic parents find it difficult to put their thoughts with confidence. They often hide their feelings or always suppress them as they know no one will be there to listen to them.
- Toxic relationships – Children brought up by narcissistic parents without much support tend to have toxic relations while becoming adults. Childhood trauma may haunt such children and thus force them to have toxic relationships with their partners, unhealthy relations with friends, and attachment issues.
- Symptoms of mental health disorder – children of Narcissistic parents are more likely to develop mental health issues like depression, anxiety, social behavioral issues, bipolar personalities, panic attacks, anger issues, arrogance, anger outbursts, health issues, sleep deprivation, eating disorders, and narcissistic personality disorder. They lack sensitivity and empathy. They always need praise, appreciation, and entitlement.
- Symptoms of substance abuse – Having narcissistic parents can affect children negatively and may also have long-term negative effects on their mental and emotional health. Thus they may indulge themselves in substance abuse to overcome or make peace with negativity and forget their miseries for a while.
- Low self-esteem – Narcissistic parents may never be satisfied with their children which leads to low self, self-esteem, lower self-worth, and insecurities the children.
- High levels of self-doubt – As they may never be validated for what they do, who they are, and who they might grow to be, such children raised by narcissists may have high levels of self-doubt.
How can Therapists Help Adult Children of Narcissists?
Adult children of narcissistic parents might have suffered a lot at the hands of their parents. They would need assistance from therapists to help themselves and let go of the trauma.
They might need assistance regarding,
- Emotional and mental trauma
- Substance abuse issues
- Facing difficulty to relate with others
- Believing that they can also be liked by others without any conditions
- Putting their wishes and desires last
Now therapists can assist such adults in viewing and understanding their self-worth. They may help heal the victims of narcissistic abuse and might also acknowledge them about unconditional love.
The child just needed true affection and care, but they did not receive such simple emotional needs accomplished. They needed protectiveness and warmth from their partners, but unfortunately, all they might have received was competitiveness, rage, dissatisfaction, and ignorance. A therapist may help to heal from all this.
Final Thoughts
Being raised by narcissistic parents or guardians may mean that you might not have received the required love, guidance, support, care, and warmth that you may need from them.
Such adult children raised by narcissists are haunted by many traumatic and abusive memories throughout their lifetime. They may face a lot of difficulties in leading a simple life, as their parents made their childhood so complicated.
When you have a narcissistic parent, your childhood and coming years may be difficult having someone manipulative around all the time. You would be always expected to fulfill their expectations and bring pride to the family even at the cost of your well-being. You may lose yourself in trying to please them, but sooner or later you might come to realize the toxicity and save yourself by seeking healing.
From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.
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