What is Narcissistic Mirroring? (Red Flags by Narcissist)

by Ella Carrillo · November 24, 2022

What is Narcissistic Mirroring? Mirroring is a tactic used by narcissists to please you as they wish. They just present themselves as desired by you, hiding their reality behind their fake mask. Mirroring is a technique through which a narcissist confers themselves according to the way you fancy them to be.

This is the tactic they use to lure their target to obtain their dose of supply (Supply is everything that makes them essential like control, praise, worth, ego boost, and everything that makes them feel superior).

What is Mirroring?

Mirroring is a way to copy other people’s personalities into your behavior, to make others comfortable with you and around you. It is a disguise of your personality when you do not want to expose or showcase your real personality.

Mirroring is usually an adaptation of someone else’s accent, style, way of walking, or basically parts of their personality or a complete adaptation of their personality. This usually happens when you spend time together, know details about each other and adapt to each other. This process is termed mirroring.

Friends hold a mirror up to each other; through that mirror, they can see each other in ways that would not otherwise be accessible to them, and it is this mirroring that helps them improve themselves as persons.
– Aristotle

What are the effects of mirroring?

There are various effects of mirroring. Mirroring is an act we put up when we want to impress someone truly. There are both positive and negative effects of mirroring.

Positive effects of mirroring

Can impress someone we are interested in dating by mirroring and reflecting on their likes and dislikes.
We can nail a job interview by knowing the ideal employee traits and reflecting that in our behavior.
Mirroring is very popular among telemarketers, salespersons, and marketing people.
Mirroring is often used to reflect emotional responses like showing empathy, care, and love language.

Mirroring can be healthy up to some extent. Like ordering the same food as your partner or behaving the same or copying the body language of the person you like, and using each other’s traits, styles, and language. Often laughing is contagious and laughter is always mirrored. The same goes for yawning, drinking water, blinking, and even body and face gestures. P.S. – Friends even do adapt each other’s slang. This kind of mirroring is considered a healthy form of mirroring. All such inferences mentioned above are natural instincts and are a fine form of mirroring.

Negative effects of mirroring

You can lose your individuality by copying others.
You would be unable to know the true self of a person until unwanted happens and you have no time left to take caution.
It is difficult to know the true face of a person who is constantly mirroring.
It is difficult to establish trust in a relationship based on mirroring.
Mirroring is a temporary solution, if you want permanence try being your own self.

Mirroring can often lead to distrust and sometimes breakups and breaking of trusted relations. So it is also very important to know when to use the technique of mirroring, with who, how, and what can be the outcomes of such behavior. So if you know where, when, how, and with whom to use this technique then it can be proven useful up to some extent But if you fail to know this then mirroring can leave pretty bad consequences.

When and why would someone use mirroring?

Mirroring can be a natural instinct sometimes. But if it is used in a healthy form it is fine. So let us when would someone use mirroring,

When!

If they want to impress someone or when it happens naturally out of natural instinct like yawning, blinking eyes, eye contact, leg crossing, and so on. This is healthy.

But when mirroring is used for deceiving others, hiding your true personality and intentions behind the mirrored image that you have created, mirroring for ill intentions, and so on are considered unhealthy mirroring. For instance, when you constantly suppress your own image which is not liked b others so you mirror and mimic someone else’s image on a temporary basis so that people like you. This continues and you are unable to reveal your true self. This form of mirroring is unhealthy.

Why?

To hide their real personality.
To gain trust.
To deceive someone.
Out of natural instinct or habit.
When it is induced as a natural trait since childhood.
When someone lacks identity.
When someone does not feel safe or comfortable in their own skin.

There can be multiple reasons as to why, but these can be a few basic ones.

Now, that we know a little about mirroring, and a few things related to it; let us know about Narcissistic Mirroring and its details. To know about Narcissistic Mirroring, let us know a little about narcissists and NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder).

Who is a Narcissist?

A Narcissist is an individual who is excessively obsessed to have control over all situations in their life whether it’s money control or other control, control over all individuals and their behavior, and also expects everyone around the to focus just on them. They intend to be the center of attraction in all situations.

A Narcissist person craves attention all the time, lacks care and empathy, can be rude and blunt, ignores other people’s feelings, and has troubled relationships. Narcissists can play mind tricks and manipulate you. They can easily manipulate you by mirroring any personality trait that you desire and deceiving you.

What is an NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder)?

To understand NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) in simple forms, let us put it in simple words. NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is nothing but portraying toxic traits in an intensified state than others.

People who possess traits of ego, admiration, self-worth, self-praise, control over situations in life as much as possible, expecting attention from others, troubles in relationships, rudeness, selfishness, lack of self-reflection in more amounts due to certain situations in life, brought up, parental pressure, and many more reasons are declared as narcissists and in psychological terms, such people suffer from NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder).

Narcissists possess these traits that make them a little hard to deal with. Some peculiar narcissistic traits include,

Lack of sensitivity and empathy.
Are self-centric.
Blame others for your mistakes.
Have unhealthy relations.
Arrogance and anger is your first reaction to any problems.
Hate changes and also cannot take them well.
Are emotionally unstable and unavailable.
Takes advantage of others easily.
Are abusive.
Lack of self-awareness and self-reflection.
Always expect more from others.

Narcissists always want their ways to work out and project certain behavior onto others. They also utilize mirroring techniques for deceiving others, hiding their true personality and intentions behind the mirrored image, To catch someone’s attention to obtain their supply, and much more. The mirroring technique used in this format is unhealthy mirroring. They use this more often than others.

Let us know about Narcissistic Mirroring in detail.

What is Narcissistic Mirroring? – (Red Flags by Narcissist)

Narcissist Mirroring is more or less the same as defined above but the only difference is Narcisisit often use this technique repeatedly to deceive others and hide their ill intentions behind their newly adapted personality.

So why is narcissist mirroring toxic or considered a red flag to look out for in relationships?

Narcissists would often present their image as desired by you, they would mention all those traits that are liked by you, and they would make their image so spotless and desirable that you would be deceived by their charming fake personalities. They would often lie to you about their real selves. They would always wear a fake mirrored mask to keep you interested in them.

You would not be able to know about their real selves for a long time, and by the time you realize that it would be too late. By that time you would have fallen a victim to their narcissistic traits and they would have drained all positivity out of you making you completely reliant on them.

Why would a narcissist be mirroring you?

Narcissists are always in search of a fresh supply and people tend to fall victim to their many charms. One of them is mirroring. They would be impressing you with words you like, their likes and dislikes would match yours, and they would be pretending to understand you in a way that nobody else could making a comfortable atmosphere for you to be impressed by their mirroring techniques.

They would become your go-to person, or someone you can easily rely on and are familiar with. They would be acting all familiar like you them for ages, while in reality, you have just met them.

Narcissists are allergic to any form of intimacy, so they would keep that in mind that they do not form an intimacy with you and flatter you only that much so that they can gain your trust. Narcissistic mirroring is usually unhealthy and toxic because the relationship they form with you in a short time is just based on lies and fakes, and when the relationship reaches a stage this mirroring takes an ugly shape revealing all the red flags which you do not want in your relationships.

How to recognize Narcissistic Mirroring?

When narcissists want to attract you, it would seem like you are feeding words into their mouths because guess what whatever you say is just mirrored on you. For example,

If you say, you love going to certain places, they would also reciprocate the same.

Let us look at a mirrored conversation between you and a narcissist, (This is when you have met them and been intrigued by their personality so you open up to them)

You – “You know I like going to this park to get fresh air.”
Them – “You know what I also love that park. I also visit the same park often. Let us meet there next time.”
You – “This is my favorite car”.
Them – “No way! You steal words from my mouth. This is my favorite car too!”
You – “I love watching movies”.
Them – “Even I love watching movies, seems like we are just the same”.

This is verbal reciprocation of whatever you like and desire. There is a non-verbal reciprocation also which is also unhealthy mirroring. For instance,

Ordering the same food, as yours.
Sitting in the same way as you.
Seem to laugh at all jokes as you.
Expressing in the same way as yours.

These are some of the ways, to know about narcissistic mirroring. But just note that this all would be happening very fast, you would be impressed by them in just a short time, everything would seem unreal or out of this world, they would be extremely sweet with you and you would be intrigued by them. This is also the time to pause and rethink the whole situation to be safe from falling into their trap. Just take some time, pause, and also note the other toxic traits of that person as you would be easily deceived by narcissistic mirroring.

Is it possible to be safe from Narcissistic Mirroring?

The answer is affirmative! You can deal with narcissistic Mirroring. Let us know how!

Believe in yourself and know yourself better and not in some flattery that is spewed at you.
Initially, a Narcissist might seem winning for some time, but eventually, you distance yourself from them by not meeting them, avoiding them, or just breaking the bond.
Do not overthink the false impression that they have created, simply try to check in on the reality by checking their social media, or confirming their real personality by discussing it with their mutuals, acquaintances, or friends if they have mentioned any.
Go with the gut feeling as your gut never lies. You might have some delusional feelings about such a person when you meet them so excluding yourself from a group of narcissistic people or distancing yourself from fake people may be the best idea.
Finding an appropriate company, to know how real friends or partners are supposed to be instead of these fakes.
Discuss this person with your friends or family, they might be helpful to you in knowing the reality behind that person.

How to deal with Narcissistic Mirroring?

It is normal to bump into a narcissist and fall prey to their tactics. But you can step out immediately the moment you realize their toxicity by ignoring them, setting clear boundaries with them, detaching yourself from their emotional drama, or seeking help from someone. Know more about narcissism and also about narcissist dating phases. Try to avoid being associated with a narcissist for starters. But if you still have to put up with them, or bear with them somehow rescue yourself before it’s too late.

Inference

Do not avoid the red flags, act immediately and save yourself before it is too late!

Believe in yourself and know yourself better and not in some flattery that is spewed at you. Go with the gut feeling as your gut never lies. You might have some delusional feelings about such a person when you meet them so excluding yourself from a group of narcissistic people or distancing yourself from fake people may be the best idea.

It is normal to bump into a narcissist and fall prey to their tactics. But you can step out immediately the moment you realize their toxicity by ignoring them, setting clear boundaries with them, detaching yourself from their emotional drama, or seeking help from someone. Know more about narcissism and NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder)to act cautiously. Try to avoid being associated with a narcissist, but if you still have to put up with them, or bear with them somehow rescue yourself before it’s too late.

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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

What is Narcissistic Mirroring? (Red Flags by Narcissist)

What is Mirroring?