Let us know some toxic traits of a Narcissistic Mother-in-Law if you think you might be dealing with one. Your relationship with your in-laws can make a huge difference in building your happy marriage. If your relationship with your in-laws seemed to be deteriorating quickly, there might be some trouble. So let us establish the truth or confirmation about their toxic behavior, by knowing some of their traits and mental health state.
If you are dealing with narcissistic in-laws, then you might probably be perplexed about some of the traits and qualities they possess. You might even start doubting your sanity and your ability to maintain healthy relationships, but in reality, it would be them who might be having troubles like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Knowing more about narcissistic in-laws and especially a narcissistic Mother-in-Law might help you to get justifications for all their nasty behavior and tactics they might have played in your marriage.
Narcissists can be some of the most difficult people to deal with. If you have to deal with a narcissist in your life without much choice, you might be knowing how difficult it is. In-laws play a big part in your married life, but what if in-laws also become one of the reasons for your unhappiness? In-laws have an impression of being tough to deal with, and it becomes even harder when you have to deal with narcissistic in-laws, especially a narcissistic Mother-in-Law. Just imagine all the toil and troubles you might be facing or are about to face.
How would it affect your relationship with your partner when you have narcissistic in-laws?
Children and mothers have an inseparable bond, as a mother plays a crucial role in a child’s upbringing. But narcissistic parents especially mothers leave a deep impact on their children, as they lack emotional bonds, their love is conditional, their achievements are more important than their child, their needs are a top priority than their child’s, no arguments only agreements without knowing the problem, and much more, so children, when they become adults, would lack all those things too.
But by being around good people they might notice how lacking or misleading their childhood was. The same goes for your partner. When you have a narcissistic mother-in-law, the top priority is to understand narcissism, understand how it has left some emotional scars on your partner and how can you heal them, so that they are not the same narcissistic parent.
Understand that your partner might constantly be juggling and struggling between you and their narcissistic mother, so be available for your partner, and establish trust, love, care, and understanding for a smoother and better relationship. Most importantly understand their background and their past. If you start being available for your partner, they might also do the same and your narcissistic in-laws would not be able to shake your bond that easily.
How do you know whether you have narcissistic in-laws?
The answer to this question is difficult to know especially in a short time. After spending some time with them, you might feel you are mistreated, or not given enough importance and credit. When you have given enough time to your marriage, especially the family if you still are unhappy with the way they behave with you or the ways they treat you, know that it might be a problem with them and do not evaluate yourself.
No matter how hard you try, whatever you do you are unable to impress your in-laws, and somehow you end up being the bearer of wrongdoings according to them. They would be interfering in your married life, even controlling your partner. They might also try to establish their control over you. A narcissistic mother can have an acute or shallow relationship with their children, which can also be implied to you as your mother-in-law. So note the signs of a narcissistic mother-in-law with the help of a few mentioned below,
- She can be verbally abusive.
- All conversations with her might end up in fights or silent treatment.
- She is controlling and overpowering.
- From a distance, the hills are ravishing; she might seem very pleasing at first
- She might be constantly complaining to your partner about your lacking and inappropriate personality, which would not be the case most of the time.
- Arrogance and anger is her first reaction to any problems caused by you.
- No matter how hard you try, whatever you do you are unable to impress her.
- She is self-centric and would need constant attention and praise.
- She would be interfering in your married life, even controlling your partner.
- She has unhealthy relations with relatives.
- Easily irritated and has drastic mood changes and shifts.
- She would be biased and not treat you equally.
- She lacks sensitivity and empathy.
- She would always expect more from you and is never satisfied by your personality and presence.
- She would tell made-up tales and lies about you.
- Your ideas, opinions, and achievements are completely disregarded by her.
- She loves to play favorites.
- She would not help you.
- You would be walking on eggshells around her.
- She criticizes your parenting style and lifestyle choices.
These are some of the commonly observed traits of a narcissistic mother-in-law, of which we would be discussing in a few in detail below,
Some Toxic Traits of a Narcissistic Mother-in-Law
1. She is controlling and overpowering
She has to have the last say in every situation, which is what she believes and does. Narcissists love power, control, and the hold over everything and every situation in the household. Sometimes they might even interfere and have a say in the monetary transactions of the family.
All a narcissistic mother-in-law cares about is dreadful control, money power, and a malignant nature which she hides behind an innocent image. A Narcissist is an individual who is excessively obsessed to have control over all situations in their life including financial control, control over all individuals, and when they lose control over you they feel something is missing. She might even have control over you and your partner’s relationship.
2. No matter how hard you try, whatever you do you are unable to impress her
Narcissists think that they are superior to others in every manner so it is impossible to impress them. Your narcissistic mother-in-law may always try to prove that she is better than you in every aspect and so no matter how hard you try, whatever you do you are unable to impress her.
She would not even give the slightest consideration to your huge achievements but would praise tonnes when it comes to your partner or her child. She would consider you a little lesser than your partner. So it is almost impossible to impress her.
3. From a distance, the hills are ravishing; she might seem very pleasing at first
Initially, narcissists have a charismatic charm, which makes them look reliable and pleasing. They would talk all nice, would use flattery, and gain your trust. The same goes for your narcissistic mother-in-law, she would win your trust and when they gain your complete trust they would go behind your back.
For instance, when you are newly married, you are totally unfamiliar with everyone in the family. Your narcissistic mother-in-law would take an advantage of this situation and would gain your trust. So gradually you would discuss all your concerns, problems, and weaknesses with her, and that is when they go behind your back and use those against you in no time. She would openly disclose all problems, concerns, and issues to your partner too, and you might be left wondering how everything reaches your partner which you have only discussed with your mother-in-law.
4. She would be interfering in your married life, even controlling your partner
Your narcissistic mother-in-law has had all the control over your partner for all past years and so your entry into their life might threaten her as she fears losing control. So for this reason should be constantly butting in your marriage with the fake interest of helping you out.
She would always be interfering in all matters like your fights, finances, and even raising your children. She would be constantly bugging you about how incorrectly you have been raising your child. She may visit you often to know about your life happenings.
The best way to stop her interference is by limiting the information you provide her about your life, providing firm and straightforward answers, and lastly setting some boundaries, to keep things more private.
5. She would tell made-up tales and lies about you
Lying is the natural instinct of a narcissist. Narcissists have a very huge ego to satisfy, so they always want to prove a point even if it is by the means of lying. They just consider themselves better than others and thus lie recklessly. For instance,
When you do something that is unpleasing to her, she would tell made-up tales to your partner about you. She would also be complaining and lying about you in the community. She may even lie to your children about you when they are young. They can stoop that low about spreading rumors and smearing your image. Lying, denial, ignorance, and fear are her go-to emotions.
The best way to stop this kind of abuse is by being the true self that you are and people will notice the difference sooner or later. Do not stoop low to her level, and act calmly and patiently. Try disclosing the truth of the situation with a supporting truth. You may ask your partner to trust you. Adult sons of a narcissistic mother may be or maybe not like their mother, so pave your way in their life and establish such a relationship where they start trusting you and see you for who you really are and believe in the made-up tales by their mother.
6. She would not help you
Whenever you need their help in urgent situations, they might not respond or not even bother to call back sometimes when they are aware of the situation. These situations include babysitting her grandchildren, helping during family functions and festivities, receiving you when you travel, or reaching out when you are unwell.
She would expect you to do all this for her but she would be MIA(Missing in action) when you need her.
7. She criticizes your parenting style and lifestyle choices
Narcissistic parents are almost emotionally unavailable, self-centered, and egoistic, lash out in anger more frequently, have a very low rate of understanding, and blame the child, rather than looking out for them. There is no emotional stability and emotional bonding when you live with a narcissistic mother-in-law. She would constantly be criticizing you in front of your partner for your life choices.
She would criticize the way you deal with your child, your child’s habits, and much more, whereas, in reality, she was not an excellent mother to her child. To be honest not even a desirable mother, as mothers have warmth, love, care, and understanding but not in the case of narcissistic mothers.
8. Your ideas, opinions, and achievements are completely disregarded by her
Narcissistic mothers-in-law would often brag about their child’s smallest achievements but would not mention anything about their partner’s achievements. Even though you are a Havard graduate, this does not matter, when it comes to comparison with her child. You might need constant validation for important matters of your family, or she might create havoc by not consulting her.
9. You would be walking on eggshells around her
Having a narcissistic mother-in-law would force you to walk on eggshells around her as they might lash out at your slightest mistakes and the inconveniences that you might have caused.
A few more unlikable traits of a narcissistic mother-in-law include,
- A narcissistic mother-in-law would often compare her children, would push buttons that would damage them emotionally, would manipulate them emotionally, which would create an unhealthy atmosphere within your family.
- She would pick between her favorite grandchildren and daughter’s-in-law and would mention this in front of everyone.
- A narcissistic mother-in-law would resort to using flattery in terms of care, love, and bonding with you.
- A narcissistic mother-in-law would degrade you when you do not prove yourself according to their standards.
- She would be exaggerating and lying about the actual situation in front of your partner, to prove you incorrect and incapable, especially with your children.
Tips for dealing with a narcissistic mother-in-law
Disconnecting from her trauma from time to time
Disconnecting from her trauma from time to time can ensure your mental peace. She is part of the family but discusses this firmly with your partner and disconnect from her for a while. Letting go of hurtful and unwanted trauma, comments, moments, and life experiences can be a great relief for healing.
Knowing more about Narcissism
Knowing more about Narcissism can help you understand your NPD individuals or anybody with NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) better. This is the best and utmost way to cope with a narcissistic person. You can also know ways and tricks to handle a narc mother-in-law.
Setting firm boundaries
Setting firm boundaries might initially upset your narc mother-in-law, but with time this would ensure your mental peace, individuality, privacy, and worth. Be less accessible to her.
Try seeking help
Consulting and connecting with people who understand you, and seeking help from others like your parents, partner, friends, or anybody you feel comfortable discussing your matters with can help you a lot. Seek support from your parents or siblings who are reliable and can understand and support you no matter what. Choose yourself and take care of your mental health.
It is impossible to expect changes in the case of a narcissistic mother-in-law, so learn to work your way out without giving in to their manipulative tactics, do not let it harm your relationship with your partner, and remember, “Ignorance is bliss” so disconnect from her toxicity, let go of hurtful and unwanted trauma, comments, moments, and focus on how to make your life merrier even with their presence.
If you are dealing with narcissistic in-laws, then you might probably be ranting about some of the traits and qualities they possess. You might even start doubting your sanity and your ability to maintain healthy relationships, but in reality, it would be them who might be having troubles like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Knowing more about narcissistic in-laws and especially a narcissistic Mother-in-Law might help you to get justifications for all their nasty behavior and tactics they might have played in your marriage. Know more about narcissism.
Understand your partner better who might constantly be juggling and struggling between you and their narcissistic mother, so be available for your partner, and establish trust, love, care, and understanding for a smoother and better relationship. Most importantly understand their background and their past. If you start being available for your partner, they might also do the same and your narcissistic in-laws would not be able to shake your bond that easily. This would make your life easy.
No matter how hard you try, whatever you do you are unable to impress your in-laws, and somehow you end up being the bearer of wrongdoings according to them, so do not worry be your true self, be positive and try to work out your relationship with your narc in-laws.