How to Tell a Narcissist They Hurt You? (& Is There Any Benefit To Doing So?)

by Ella Carrillo · February 2, 2023

How to tell a Narcissist they Hurt You? Having a narcissistic family member around can be difficult. If you have a narcissistic family member then dealing with them in the most effective and positive ways becomes the first priority rather than confronting and making a mess out of relations. It is very important to understand how a narcissist considers family and what they think about family and on the other hand, how would a family member feels having a narcissist around.

Narcissists can be some of the most difficult people to deal with. If you have to deal with a narcissist in your life without much choice, you might be knowing how difficult it is. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition, where the patient has extremely high admiration for their self which includes boosted self-esteem, self-centeredness, high self-worth, boosted ego, and a low tolerance for criticism, emotions, and attachments.

So dealing carefully, patiently, and smartly with a narcissist becomes important to live your life peacefully around them. It is okay if you have a narcissistic family member, that is not your fault. They are a part of the family so support them in ways when they need your help and also support yourself by distancing. They are your family, but yes personal growth, peace, and wellness are also important. So if you have a narcissist in your life do not worry, just be open to them by drawing certain boundaries, clearing differences, and giving them selective access to you.

This is obvious that you are going to suffer the most in a relationship with a narcissist or having a narcissist around as a family member. So, “Should you tell a narcissist that you are hurt by them?”, If Yes! then “How to Tell a Narcissist They Hurt You?, and “Could there be any benefits by doing so?”. Let us know this further.

How to Tell a Narcissist they Hurt You?

Narcissists generally take advantage of your vulnerable situations. So informing them politely, you can disarm them or put your arguments with strong withhold. This can ensure that they do not just ignore you and at least pay certain attention to how you feel because of them.

If a narcissist comes to know that you are hurting because of them, they would do it even more, and the pathetic part is that they would even enjoy the process. You would often watch them smirk and pass on some shady comment when you confess that you are hurting. So instead you can disarm them, argue but with facts and data, and also prepare before putting your arguments to them.

Generally arguing with a narcissist would be tiresome, but presenting smart counter answers to the problems you are facing because of them can be the one and best way to tell a narcissist that you are hurting. Let us know some ways to disarm a narcissist.

Do not engage in conversations make small talk
Give them the silent treatment that they give you
Do not get worked up when they initiate any fight
Act as you wish and disregard their opinion
Setting boundaries
Agree to Disagree
Treat them how they treat you
Shift your focus from them to yourself

1. Do not engage in conversations make small talk

When a narcissist is sad and discusses this with you with some expectation of hoping for a solution or at least lend an ear, but instead you make small talk and just skip the topic. This would indicate that you no longer care for them, and this fact can create despair and this will show that you are hurt.

Narcissists are emotionally unavailable individuals who always make everything about themselves. So you do the same. When they share anything with you or complain about anything just be least interested, when they discuss a problem or your suffering make it about yourself and reply with, “I have enough on my plate already, so please do not burden me with your problems.“ Disregard them and their drama and close the topic with small talk. This would without a doubt make them think twice about you and also make them feel dejected.

The narcissist has an intimidating habit of making everyone listen to what they say. They consider that what they say is only of great importance and that other people lack the level of intelligence they have. They have an opinion on every topic or every action of yours. They would badger you with their opinions and perspectives disregarding yours. So cutting them or dismissing their comments would just piss them and their reactions would be full of arrogance as their fragile ego would be hurt. Just try to walkway while they are still talking and watch them being pissed and messed up.

2. Give them the silent treatment that they give you

“No reaction is a big reaction for a narcissist.” Without providing any reaction to their toxic and unbearable behavior is a big piss-off moment for a narcissist. It proves that they no longer matter to you.

Showing no emotions is a great way to prove your point in an argument with a narcissist. Exaggerating the situation and making a fuss is a narcissistic thing. A narcissist always expects a loud and outgrowing reaction from you, so when just remaining calm would create havoc in a narcissist’s mind.

Give the silent treatment to a narcissist, they would just be vexed by your behavior. Narcissists are the most self-centered beings and every relationship you have with them is just about them and their benefits. So going no contact or cutting contact with them from time to time from a narcissist is very important for you in the relationship to hold your ground.

Not being able to reach you is a big turn-off or piss-off moment for a narcissist. So use this opportunity to your benefit. When you feel you cannot take a narcissist anymore or need a break from their toxicity, just go no contact or block them. Do not pick up calls, block them from social media, or just do not meet them. This can just set off a narcissist.

3. Do not get worked up when they initiate any fight

Do not let the narcissist in your life know your next move or do not let them know about your immediate reactions and actions. Narcissists always act accordingly to get your reactions which are mostly praiseworthy. Do not praise them, or do not act according to their conceptions and perceptions of you. Just be unpredictable and look at them go nuts when they cannot figure out your reactions.

Narcissists would try hard to initiate fights, but just go in the other direction and just ignore them. This will make them realize that you are hurt or that something is off and not normal.

4. Act as you wish and disregard their opinion

Narcissists cannot take the blame that easily due to their egoistic nature. Narcissists can easily dismiss you and disregard you when something you say or do hurts their pride. They get easily annoyed when you do not act according to them or when you disregard them and their opinions knowingly or unknowingly.

Do not answer immediately to what they are calling to and for, be unavailable to them, be inaccessible at the time they want you around, and thus acting as you wish might help them figure out that you are pissed with them and hurt because of them.

5. Setting boundaries

A Narcissist person craves attention all the time, lacks care and empathy, can be rude and blunt, ignores feelings, and has troubled relationships. So to put up with them, or bear with them somehow is only possible by creating firm boundaries with them.

Making your requirements or boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable behavior is a must while dealing with a narcissist. They would simply walk all over you if you do not create some limitations and boundaries. Expecting change from a narcissist is nearly impossible but at least how you should be treated and can be treated is in your hands. This can totally piss them off but would bring you a little respect in the relationship. So when you feel hurt just start drawing clear boundaries.

Drawing clear boundaries would ensure that a narcissist has no longer control and that you can ask them to behave the way you want. What is clearing boundaries? It means you can ask a narcissist not to call you anymore, you can block them, you can move on without their consent, and by stating clearly that they should keep their distance from you and that they have no control over you and thus this would clearly state that you are hurt or upset with them.

6. Agree to Disagree

Just agree with them for the sake of agreeing but do not act accordingly to disagree, this will definitely throw a hint at them that you are not happy or have some issues which have you hurting.

7. Treat them how they treat you

Narcissists being the most difficult to handle, let us know some ways to mess with them psychologically and how to push their buttons to piss them off. Narcissists also need a taste of their own tea for all the harassment and inconvenience they have caused you.

Narcissists always think that they have the power to control you, but when they lose that control they become miserable. They think you would never counter their actions and so they always expect you to be under their control. But when you act the opposite and make them lose their control, they can either get pissed, get angry, or become miserable when the situation really gets out of their control. Pissing off a narcissist is inevitable as they can get annoyed by the littlest things which you would not even imagine.

8. Shift your focus from them to yourself

Do the opposite of usual, instead of focusing on them, just focus on yourself and just work for yourself. Be mean and selfish and think for yourself and your betterment. Do your thing and make time for yourself. this will ensure that a narcissist would know that you are hurt.

Should you tell a narcissist that you are hurt? – Is there any benefit to doing so?

There is no or equal to null emotional bonding when you have a narcissistic partner. They have constant mood swings and emotional tantrums. So there is always a lack of emotional support and constant emotional manipulation. A narc partner would manipulate you. So is it easy to know about the real feelings of a narcissistic partner? Even when talking about your feelings, a narcissist would not care much to comfort you or reciprocate your feelings. So having a narcissistic partner is not a blessing in particular, because the narcissist does is only cares about their feelings and mocks you or just ignores your feelings.

Even in some hard times when you feel all gloomy, or down, or having some emotional turmoil and you feel like shedding tears, there can be an unexpected creation from a narcissist. You cannot even cry in front of a narcissist without being judged, mocked off, ignored, or simply annoyed. There can be any wild reaction that a narcissist can show when you cry. They can fake comforting you, but it is just meant for a few seconds before you snap and find yourself alone most of the time in your gloomy days or hard times.

Pretense and no true feelings are the prime game played by a narcissist. They would just act as if you are exaggerating every situation and they would make you believe that their behavior is ideal and you are crying or hurting for nothing. Playing the victim card is the ultimate tactic and projection used by a narcissist. When something you said or does (like crying and pointing out their mistake)triggers a narcissist or points out their wrongdoing; they cannot take this in any circumstances.

A narcissist would be happy indeed or feel good when you are hurting because they know they are the reason for your sadness. Yes! it is true in many cases that a narcissist feels more captivated or enchanted when they see you cry. They would like that feeling that you are crying because of them. Because they know they have still control over you or they feel empowered by doing so. They would find it sadistically pleasing or some kind of sadistic pleasure when you shed tears or become sad or are hurting because of them in front of them.

So if you want to teach a lesson to a narcissist, maybe you can shed some tears, make them realize their mistake, or just lose some emotional baggage and the weight you might do for your own good. But being sad or crying in front of a narcissist would not make any difference in their behavior. As narcissists never tend to change or accept their mistakes, because according to them they are never wrong, and it is all your fault usually.

Conclusion

If a narcissist comes to know that you are hurting because of them, they would do it even more, and the sad part is that they would even enjoy the process. You would often watch them smirk and pass on some shady comment when you confess that you are hurting. So instead you can disarm them, argue but with facts and data, and also prepare before putting your arguments to them.

A narcissist would be happy indeed or feel good when you are hurting because they know they are the reason for your sadness. Yes! it is true in many cases that a narcissist feels more captivated or enchanted when they see you cry. They would like that feeling that you are crying because of them. Because they know they have still control over you or they feel empowered by doing so. They would find it sadistically pleasing or some kind of sadistic pleasure when you shed tears or become sad or are hurting because of them in front of them.

Author
Recent Posts

Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

How to Tell a Narcissist They Hurt You? (& Is There Any Benefit To Doing So?)

How to Tell a Narcissist they Hurt You?

1. Do not engage in conversations make small talk

2. Give them the silent treatment that they give you

3. Do not get worked up when they initiate any fight