How to deal with a Narcissistic Sister-in-Law? (& How to Identify?)

by Ella Carrillo · December 26, 2022

How to deal with a Narcissistic Sister-in-Law? Sisters-in-law have a tough impression to deal with especially if it is the sister of your partner. These impressions are created by society and are not accurate in many cases. But what if you have to deal with a Narcissistic Sister-in-Law? Are they fiercer? Is it possible to live peacefully when you have a narcissistic family member?

Having a narcissistic family member around can be difficult. If you have to deal with a narcissist in your life without much choice, you might be knowing how difficult it is. You might not be aware of them being narcissists initially, but you or the family might suffer continuously because of them. That is how you realize that something is incorrect about their behavior.

When you are new to the family, you wish to mix up easily, and also your partner wishes the same. But what if your family members do not like you? What if they are toxic and give you a hard time? Mothers-in-law and sisters-in-law can be potential perils when you are newly married.

When you are newly married, you have anxiety and uneasiness adjusting and being liked by the family members; especially your mother-in-law and her daughter, that is your sister-in-law. And if you come across narcissistic family members then your life can be a little difficult, as narcissists give a very hard time adjusting.

What could be the initial or immediate actions while dealing with a Narcissistic family member?

Once you recognize that you are not treated properly by a family member, you should try and seek help from your partner, or any family member with whom you feel free, safe, and close to discussing problems. Next, you can either surf internet to know more about the particular behavior and also to understand “why do they behave so?” or you can also consider the option of consulting a therapist.

Once you know that your family member is suffering, from a mental health disorder, the first thing to do is try not to confront it immediately. Give it a thought, discuss it with your partner, or think thoroughly before taking any further steps.

But what if the family member is suffering from NPD? Let us know more about NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder),

What is NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition, where the patient has extremely high admiration for their self which includes boosted self-esteem, self-centeredness, high self-worth, boosted ego, and a low tolerance for criticism, emotions, and attachments.

How can a Narcissist be defined?

A Narcissist is an individual who is excessively obsessed to have control over all situations in their life, control over all individuals and their behavior, and also expects everyone around the to focus just on them. They intend to be the center of attraction in all situations. A Narcissist person craves attention all the time, lacks care and empathy, can be rude and blunt, ignores other people’s feelings, and has troubled relationships.

They think the world rotates around them and so they are very ignorant, self-centered, and mean. They cannot think outside the box unless it is according to or in their interest or favor.

How do you know whether your family member is suffering from NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)?

The answer to this question is difficult to know especially in a short time. After spending some time with them, you might feel you are mistreated, or not given enough importance and credit. When you have given enough time to your family, that member thinks the opposite. So when you come across such a person you might still feel like an outsider around them, you might not be included while important decisions, or your opinion would be sidetracked.

So now that we are somewhat aware of NPD, lets us know a few traits of a narcissistic Sister-in-Law,

What are some of the signs that may indicate that you are dealing with a Narcissistic Sister-in-Law?

She is controlling and overpowering.
Even after a few years of being married, she would be treating you like an outsider.
She would be insecure about your relationship with your partner, as she would be feeling that you are creating distance between them.
Fights for trivial matters with you or when they do not get their way.
She always plays the victim when blamed.
She has the slightest respect for you.
She disregards your opinions and opts to disarm you with hurtful statements.
She is always right according to her.
She would tell made-up tales and lies about you.
Arrogance and anger is her first reaction to any problems caused by you.
She lacks sensitivity and empathy.
She likes to create trouble for you and play games.
She would create indifference between you and your partner.

The most important step is to understand their abuse and also understand how it is not normal. Then comes the task of recognizing their pattern of abuse, their ways of creating drama and a toxic atmosphere, their harmful approaches, and responses to your simple questions, their change of behavior as soon as a third party enters the scene, or never accepting their mistakes.

Can you do anything about a Narcissistic Sister-in-Law? Is there any hope if you have a narcissistic Sister-in-Law? Yes! do not lose hope as you do not choose your family members, especially in-laws but there are some relations that you need to cope with just for the love that is your partner. So let us know “How to deal with a Narcissistic Sister-in-Law?”

How to deal with a Narcissistic Sister-in-Law?

Keep your safe distance from her
Involve your partner
Try to be as calm as possible while dealing with her
Broaden your views and try to understand her viewpoint
They might be competitive but you stay put and let them know there is no competition
Realize that you are dealing with a narcissist or know more about narcissism
Set your boundaries
Do not be suppressed by their wrongdoings, speak for yourself
Be obligated when she does something good for you
Do not confront your Narcissistic Sister-in-Law
Maintain some boundaries even for your private life

1. Keep your safe distance from her

Keeping your distance is the safest way to deal with a Narcissistic Sister-in-Law. Do not get too much involved or be outspoken in front of your sister-in-law. Do not even discuss too much with her, as she can ruin your plans too. Nobody likes nosy people, especially someone who constantly interferes with your life. In the same way do not allow her to interfere in your married life, if you do not keep your married life private, then just be prepared for some uninvited trouble that your Narcissistic Sister-in-Law might create.

2. Involve your partner

Do not deal directly with your Narcissistic Sister-in-Law, instead discuss it with your partner about your relationship with your Narcissistic Sister-in-Law. A sibling can know the true nature and also might show some ways to cope with your Narcissistic Sister-in-Law. Your partner might not even be aware of the troubled relationship between you and her.

So it is better that your partner gets both viewpoints and help you out in troubled times. Also avoid putting your partner in a dilemma, so that they do not have to face a situation where they have to choose between you or their sister. Also, remember they are siblings, so do not try to turn them against each other or be the reason for distancing them, instead find solutions that are favorable for all three of you.

3. Try to be as calm as possible while dealing with her

A Narcissistic Sister-in-Law would try to create many provocative situations which can force you to lose your calm, and maybe this is the only way she wants the situation around you. She might be trying to prove that she is innocent and it is you who always begins a fight by provoking you. Yes! A narcissist can be the most difficult person to deal with especially a narcissistic family member. So do not lose your calm, instead, just ignore what she said if it is hurtful, and just be the bigger person here. This would shatter their ego and maybe they might drop provoking you altogether.

4. Broaden your views and try to understand her viewpoint

Sometimes understanding her viewpoints, might actually help you in understanding her better. Narcissists usually prove their worth by constantly doing things but in an elaborated way. She would always add her extra touch to things while working around you. So try to understand her better, and you might also learn some useful tips from her as well. And also would help in understanding her thinking patterns, her abusive theories, and her plan to degrade you.

The most important step is to understand the abuse and also understand how it is not normal. Then comes the task of recognizing her pattern of abuse, her ways of creating drama and a toxic atmosphere, her harmful approaches, and responses to your simple questions, and her change of behavior as soon as your partner or someone else from the family gets involved, or always her negativity for you.

5. They might be competitive but you stay put and let her know there is no competition

Narcissists are very competitive when it comes to proving their worth. Your Narcissistic Sister-in-Law might consider you a potential threat to both her and the family. So she would always ask to prove your worth, plus also she would constantly compete against you to prove that she is better than you. So instead you stay put and let her know there is no competition between you both. If possible try to establish friendly sisterly relations with her, so you can bond as family members do not have differences but have understanding.

6. Realize that you are dealing with a narcissist or know more about narcissism

Realizing that you are dealing with a narcissist, is the prime step to dealing with them. Knowing more about narcissism would definitely teach you some ways to deal with your narcissistic sister-in-law without being too noticeable. Knowing more about Narcissism can help you understand your NPD individuals or anybody with NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) better. This is the best and utmost way to cope with a narcissistic person. You can also know some amazing tricks and tactics to handle a narcissistic sister-in-law. This is the best way to teach her the taste of her nasty behavior.

If you are dealing with any family member who is a narcissist, then you might probably be ranting about some of the traits and qualities they possess. You might even start doubting your sanity and your ability to maintain healthy relationships, but in reality, it would be them who might be having troubles like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Knowing more about narcissism might help you to get justifications for all the nasty behavior and tactics they might have played in your marriage. Know more about narcissism to cope with your narcissistic sister-in-law smoothly.

7. Set your boundaries

Setting firm boundaries might initially upset your narcissistic sister-in-law, but with time this would ensure your mental peace, individuality, privacy, and worth. Be less accessible to her. Do not get much involved in her drama and her trauma. She would think you are controlling everything by creating boundaries. But you have to take the reign at least for yourself.

Do not try to get close to her more than required, do not blindly allow her to take an advantage of you just for the sake of the relationship, do not let her dominate all situations, do not tolerate her nasty behavior all the time, maintain your peace by keeping a safe distance from her by setting some firm boundaries from the beginning.

8. Do not be suppressed by their wrongdoings, speak for yourself

Speaking for yourself might seem tricky, risky, and unfathomable at first, and indeed it is initially. You do not have the slightest hint as to what their reaction or counteractions might be, but you need to stand up for yourself and also show the real self that you are to the other family members. They might not have had a chance to know you as your narcissistic sister-in-law might have created the wrong or misleading impression of you. Mention the right to an opinion. You both have an equal right to be happy and live peacefully.

9. Be obligated when she does something good for you

When your sister-in-law does something good for you or to your liking then appreciate this as this is a rare sight, especially when you have a narcissistic sister-in-law. Everyone loves appreciation, especially narcissists. Narcissists love attention They would be so impressed with you when you notice their little effort because this is not their usual thing. They usually like to be appreciated. So when they do appreciate you or do something nice for you notice it and make it clear to them that you are grateful and love the efforts they have taken to do something for you.

For instance, if your narcissistic sister-in-law, brings you a gift, cooks something that you like, does something that you like with you, or puts in a good word for you in the family, just spare some time and be obligated for whatever good she has done for you.

10. Do not confront your Narcissistic Sister-in-Law

Confronting your Narcissistic Sister-in-Law is the last thing you wish to do. Discuss it with your partner first, and let them handle the situation, because they have a sibling bond and your Narcissistic Sister-in-Law might understand better. So the best way to be around a Narcissistic Sister-in-Law is by coping with their not-so-likable personalities instead of confronting them. Narcissists are not good while dealing with truth, feelings, vulnerabilities, and confrontations. Do not confront your Narcissistic Sister-in-Law, or any of the family members directly, instead find ways to cope up with them as narcissists do not like being pointed out or blamed.

11. Maintain some boundaries even for your private life

Maintaining some boundaries even for your private life or married life is very important while dealing with a narcissistic sister-in-law. The sibling bond is separate and your bond with your partner is separate so you should make this clear to her and your partner both. Do not allow her to interfere in your married life and create some marital boundaries. Let your partner explain to her very clearly that you need some privacy after your marriage and she cannot know all also you should not be interfering much in their sibling’s bond. You should know your boundaries too.

Conclusion

Having a narcissistic family member around can be difficult. If you have to deal with a narcissist in your life without much choice, you might be knowing how difficult it is. You might not be aware of them being narcissists initially, but you or the family might suffer continuously because of them.

So instead of confronting a narcissistic family member, especially a Narcissistic Sister-in-Law, you should learn to deal with them or cope with them, which can bring peace, happiness, and better bonding.

Do not try to get close to her more than required, do not blindly allow her to take an advantage of you just for the sake of the relationship, do not let her dominate all situations, do not tolerate her nasty behavior all the time, maintain your peace by keeping a safe distance from Narcissistic Sister-in-Law by setting some firm boundaries from the beginning.

Can you do anything about a Narcissistic Sister-in-Law? Is there any hope if you have a narcissistic Sister-in-Law? Yes! do not lose hope as you do not choose your family members. There are some relations that you need to cope with. So we hope you now have the desired answers to the question “How to deal with a Narcissistic Sister-in-Law?”

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Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field.

From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

How to deal with a Narcissistic Sister-in-Law? (& How to Identify?)

What could be the initial or immediate actions while dealing with a Narcissistic family member?